'AITA for saying my MIL cannot stay in our living room for 2 months?'

"AITA for saying my MIL cannot stay in our living room for 2 months?"

My husband (30) and I (32) are newlyweds. Shortly after getting married we got pregnant and I just had my son last month. My husband and his parents immigrated to Canada when he was around 10 years old.

His parents live across the country and have been planning to come visit for two weeks in the new year, although they keep changing the dates. Earlier this week while we were all FaceTiming she announced that they were coming to stay for 2 months, which was a huge surprise as we only ever discussed having her for two weeks.

When they visited over the summer we all talked about their visit post partum and decided they would need to stay elsewhere because we have a two bed one bathroom apartment. It is very small and my sons room will not fit a bed or mattress, just his crib dressers and toys (he still sleeps in our room in his bassinet but his furniture is all assembled in the nursery).

Because his mom decided (did not ask just told us) to come for two months she assumed she could stay with us as her husband will only be joining the last week of the trip due to work.

My husband and I discussed this and I said that will not work for me, we only have two bedrooms and a very small home, I’m not comfortable with her staying on our living room floor for two weeks let alone two months. The baby and I get up early and that is his space to play and we have a routine.

My husband would not listen to this, and said if his mom wants to stay here she can. I was firm that was not going to work for me. Now it’s important to say that my husband's brother lives in the apartment complex next to us, literally next door. He also does not have an extra bedroom for her but a big spacious living room and it would be much easier.

The brother also works away so out of the two months she is here he will be away one month she will have the place to herself. I asked my husband if she can stay there he said she doesn’t want to. She wants to be with the baby 24/7. We just are not seeing eye to eye on this.

I took it upon myself to send a very kind message to his mom that also expressed my boundary. I let her know we are very excited to learn she will be here for a few months and it will be amazing for our baby to spend so much time with his grandma, and I look forward to doing fun stuff together as a family with the baby every single day.

I then said it would be wonderful if she can stay next door either the brother so she would be nice as close. I did not explicitly say she cannot stay here but of course it is implied. She called my husband crying and said I’m rude, made her feel unwelcome, and she feels I’m trying to withhold her from her grandson.

This caused an argument between my husband and I as he agreed with her, reiterating that if his mom wants to stay here we will have her. He told her as much too. I stayed firm that no absolutely not. He also knows this is simply a space thing, I’ve said many times if we had an extra bedroom I would love to have his mom come visit more and help with the baby.

Although I mean come for two weeks not two months. His solution is that if there is no space for her then he will go stay at his brothers. Which means his mom and I would have to share a bed?

I said that is absurd and he said I’m selfish and he is embarrassed I would make his mom feel so unwelcome. I told him we can finish the conversation later because he’s at work and I have my hands full with a newborn.

He essentially let me know if I don’t apologize and make it right with his mom (ie let her know she can stay with us longterm) him and I will not be on good terms. I refuse to accept that. His mom is not coming for a few more months and I am fully prepared to move out for the two months she is here (with my baby) if they do not respect my boundary.

I should also mention despite being on maternity leave I pay 40% of the bills and my name is on the lease. I have not apologized to his mom yet because I don’t really know what to say…sorry we don’t have an extra bedroom in this high cost of living city on a reduced income because we just had a child?

Perhaps I shouldn’t have messaged her, however my husband made it clear she can stay as long as she wants and I needed to set the boundary. Any advice on how to address this with her (or him) would be appreciated. AITA I declined my MIL staying two months on our living room floor a few months postpartum?

Here's what people had to say to OP:

mistersmith22 said:

NTA. You have legit issues - more than one - and you presented a reasonable, sufficient compromise in a grown-up conversation. Your MIL escalating your adult conversation into an emotional breakdown lets you know why your husband won't listen: she's been manipulating him his whole life and he doesn't even know it.

GroovyYaYa said:

Look at your lease. A guest for 2 weeks, probably ok. 2 months? That is an additional person and may be against the lease.

Dhmsk555 said:

NTA you can go live to your BIL's apartment or somewhere else along with your child and your husband is more than welcome to sleep with his mother in your bed because apparently that's what he wants.

Vdavwil said:

NTA. Having houseguests is necessarily a two yes, one no kind of decision. I wouldn't have recommended that you take it upon yourself to contact MIL, but I understand why you did. This is a clash of culture.

His family apparently does this kind of thing, and yours probably did not. If your husband will not bend, this may be the end of your relationship. You are right to insist on it, and your stance of moving out if she moves in is reasonable.

DesperateLobster69 said:

NTA. THEY WANT TO MAKE YOU FEEL UNWELCOME IN YOUR OWN HOME!!!!!!! Put your foot down. Say it's your home, she's not staying with you & disrupting your routine. Especially when you don't even have enough room!!!!!!!!!

If he insists she's coming, then tell him you're getting a hotel/Airbnb with your baby & maybe you'll come home after she leaves!!! Your husband is a horribly selfish mama's boy who doesn't care about your feelings at all it sucks you got married to him & has a kid with such a LOSER!!!!

SuccessfulAd4606 said:

NTA, and my condolences for marrying an ahole with a ridiculous mom.