'AITA for saying that my girlfriend needed to get in shape too if she expected it from me?'
"AITA for saying that my girlfriend needed to get in shape too if she expected it from me?"
I'm 32 now. In university, I was a Div. 1 swimmer. I almost made the Olympics. I'm not bragging; this is relevant. Obviously, at that level of competition, I was incredibly fit. I still swim for exercise but it would be a lie to say I'm in top condition. I have a lot of other things going on.
My girlfriend of three years is beautiful. She is a teacher and her hobbies are all pretty sedentary. She walks her dog twice a day and that is pretty much it for her physical activity.
Lately, one of her friends started dating a personal trainer. This guy has a six-pack and looks like Jean Claude Van Damme. If I'm being honest, his physique is better than mine was. But I wasn't training for looks. I was training for speed.
My girlfriend has been saying that I should get back in shape so she can show me off. It was kind of annoying. I'm a professional. Once again not bragging just stating facts. I have a career I enjoy that allows me to enjoy life at a pretty great level. Every year I take two vacations to different countries on my bucket list. I'm debt free. I don't have time to eat ten thousand calories a day and train five hours a day.
I laughed it off to begin with but I explained to her what I just explained to you. She seemed to understand but then she started again. So I told her that if she wanted me to "get back in shape" then she had to as well. That she needed to get to 20% body fat like runway models. I said that she was beautiful but had no stamina or strength.
She is now saying I'm an AH for only considering her looks. I think that's pretty freaking ironic. I'm in great shape for my age and still enjoy stuff like snowboarding and surfing.
I will also admit here that I'm not particularly good looking. I look kind of like Walter White's old business partner. I think that if she wants that from me it's not too much to expect the same from her.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
So it's ok for her to care only about your looks, but not the other way around? NTA. I'd also evaluate your relationship as a whole, as it seems her priority is about appearances instead of your overall health and well-being.
You’re not a prop in her life that she can use to compete with her friend. She is coming across extremely shallow.
Agreed, NTA. This is pure hypocrisy. Her behavior is damaging him, and she needs counseling to get an objective reality check from a third party.
It’s frankly a vaguely insulting request from her to begin with. “Let’s get fit together because it would be fun and we’d both be healthier” is cool. “You should get ripped because my friend’s boyfriend is and I want to be able to show her up” is not. So are you in the wrong to say it’s only fair if you both get fit? I’d say no. But the whole thing is wonky to begin with.
NTA. Why are you with this shallow raging hypocrite?
Distinct-March2456 (OP)
She is sweet, smart, loving, and generally a good person. I have never seen this side of her until now.
I'm a woman here. It sounds like you have a lot attributes many women would want (regardless of how you look). I always find it interesting when financially secure men go for beautiful women, even when they are not particularly nice or sensible people.
She's not 17. She's 30 has been a long-term relationship and is still competing with her friends and looking for Ben Affleck, which is quite sad on multiple levels. I think it is totally fair for you to ask her to get in shape if she asked you to do so.
Oh, an intellectual and physically attractive man with a great head on his shoulders and a crappy body shaming girlfriend... So, OP, you free later-?
The fact that she compares herself to her friends says a lot about her character and values, especially when the other guy’s job is literally to stay in shape. That said, I know you want her to see your side of the argument, but arguing with her wasn’t a smart move. You ended up entertaining her argument instead of shutting it down like you should have, since it’s plainly stupid.
While I have no issues with wanting a trophy husband or something like that, at least those relationships tend to make it very clear very early that that's the goal. NTA. I honestly don't think your gf understands what that level of training looks like, as I think most people who haven't been top athletes don't REALLY understand it.
I understand it in theory, not the reality of eating that much, training that long and consistently, etc. and I don't have any desire to do all that mess, so I haven't 😅 I would try to impress upon her that her asking you to get in pro-athlete shape so she can literally just show you off is asking a LOT, and if she's not willing to put in similar effort then it's hypocritical, at best, to be upset you've asked her to.
NTA. I loved my boyfriend at 150 lbs and at 200 pounds and I'd have loved him at 400 lbs in a motorized scooter. It would be understandable if your health was being affected, but she's merely concerned about looks AND she's being hypocritical. She should want to show you off regardless. Also, Jesse Pinkman was way hotter and cooler than Jean Claude VanDamme.
Your girlfriend is an idiot. As an ex fatty who is now very fit, it’s not as simple as picking up weights, it’s a lifestyle. Calorie tracking, sleep tracking, eating at very specific times etc. It’s not easy. Make a program for her and see if she lasts a month.
If she does you resume. If she doesn’t, then ask her to never bring it up again. What’s even funnier is it a dude said this to a girl he’d be abused as a woman hating AH but her saying it to you is no big deal to most.