'AITA for saying no to making my famous Mac n cheese for a Thanksgiving party I wasn’t invited to?'
"AITA for saying no to making my famous Mac n cheese for a Thanksgiving party I wasn’t even invited to?"
So, for context my(21F) grandma 61F), grandpa(59M), mom (40F), and sister (12F) all attend Bible study. It usually lasts from 6-8PM. I don’t attend because Sundays are super busy for me. I already go to church and then usually vacuum all the rooms because we have 2 cats that shed and then I’m finishing up assignment for college putting the finishing touches on them.
Anyways, my grandpa told me my grandma volunteered me to make my Mac n Cheese for their upcoming Thanksgiving party. Did I mention it’s happening THIS SATURDAY! Supposedly everyone is going to bringing a side dish and my grandma bragged about how my mac n cheese is the best and that I’d make it. My mom said if not she’d buy store bought mac n cheese.
I also wanted to say my mac n cheese is the recipe that Tilly from TikTok makes. I’ve followed her recipe and mastered it. So, if you’re curious about what makes it so special just look her up! I'm also going to be super busy that week.
Just to list I’ll be going to Disneyland on Wednesday, school the next day and I have an exam and will be fundraising for my college club to take single moms and their kids to Knotts Merry Farm, and then on Friday I will be attending a military ball with my mother from 6-9PM. So, the day that I have to make the mac n cheese for their party I will most likely be exhausted!
When my grandpa told me I was making my mac n cheese, I laughed and said, “No I'm not.” my grandmother overheard and started to curse like a sailor. She then started to murmur saying, “she can find her own ride to get around. See if I do anything for that brat.” For reference I DO NOT drive due to high anxiety.
I have had a bad experience with cars all my life with reckless drivers both in my family and with complete strangers. I rely heavily on Access transportation but that comes with its own issues I won’t get into here and only takes you within a certain amount of miles and certain places from where you live.
She went on to say both my brother (20M) and I are going to the party “whether we like it or not.” Side note: both my brother and sister have autism. My brother doesn’t do well in crowds-he hates parties and would rather stay home playing video games in his room. Honestly, I feel the same way sometimes. I usually get drained out of parties pretty quickly.
I wouldn’t have minded doing it too if she asked me nicely. Something like, “hey we’re having a Thanksgiving party on Saturday! Your Mac n cheese is the best, would you be willing to make any for us? You can come! It’ll be a blast!” But instead I was just told and ordered around to do it! But because said no now I’m selfish and ungrateful. AITA?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Fizzyfawns wrote:
Nah, you’re NTA. Your grandma basically tried to boss you around and guilt-trip you into doing stuff when you’re clearly swamped and dealing with anxiety. You didn’t sign up to be the family chef-slash-entertainer. If they want your famous mac n cheese, they should’ve asked like a normal person, not just expect it. Take care of yourself first.
OP responded:
It’s funny because I also make pasta for my families dinner on occasion. Mind you there are 6 of us all together. My GM, mom, and I all play a hand in cooking dinner.
bronwyn511 wrote:
NTA but think about what outcome you want at the end of all this. Maybe a talk about how you were hurt by her rude assumptions about your time. Favors are usually asked for etc. And honey if you don’t want to go, don’t go, no excuses needed.
OP responded:
I did try to speak to her but she just shut me down saying I was ungrateful. And I don’t really have a choice in not going. She will hold something over my head to make sure I do what she says. Like my way of transportation.
bronwyn511 wrote:
I’m sorry, I do think you are right in the situation, but when you are dependent it is really hard.
OP responded:
Yes, because they hold everything over your head and guilt you into doing it anyways!
Gigafive wrote:
Single box of mac and cheese, oversalted and undercooked. NTA.
OP responded:
I wouldn’t want to punish the other guests at the party! That would truly make me the AH. Especially since they all would know I made it.
Psychological_Pea907 wrote:
No definitely NTA. Who volunteers a person who they know are busy to make a dish for a party they didn’t even ask them if they wanted to attend. Your grandmother could have told them she’d ask you to come and make the Mac n cheese and then nicely asked you. Or could have even called you and asked first? Some people astonish me.
OP responded:
That’s what I’m saying! Like she could’ve called me and asked or said she’d ask if I’d make it. Not volunteer me off the bat. Because now I will look like a jerk to all these people if I don’t make the Mac n cheese!
Merle8888 wrote:
Your grandma should have approached it better, but...how long would it take you to make the mac'n'cheese? You're talking about your schedule for the entire week like this is a really intensive operation but it's not immediately clear to me why having a busy week means you can't make mac'n'cheese on Saturday. It sounds like your grandma does a lot for you so I'm not sure this is a hill you want to d** on.