'AITA for scaling down what I was planning for my coworker's daughter's sweet 16? She was rude to me.'

"AITA for offering to make sweet 16 favors for my coworkers daughter and scaling down what I was plan on doing after she was rude to me?"

I run a small family party business from my home as a second job My coworker is a single mom with five kids. Over the years I have offered a few times to make party favors and decorations for her kids parties as a gift. Things are a struggle for her and I just wanted to do something nice for her kids.

I buy all the supplies and my labor is free and is their gift. The scale and cost of everything changes depending on the event. I do this for my nieces and nephews as well. I enjoy doing it and I think it makes people happy. A few weeks ago I offered to make sweet 16 favors and some decorations for a small restaurant party for my coworkers daughter.

One night I FaceTimed with the mother and the daughter and we were discussing colors. She picked light blue and light pink as her color scheme. That’s not colors I normally would associate with a sweet 16 and I mentioned it to her that I was concerned it would look more like a baby shower. She snapped at me and said I want light blue and light pink. OK got it.

A few days later, I’m speaking to the mother that I wasn’t finding a lot of sweets 16 items in that color scheme. She picks up the phone and calls her daughter on speaker phone and explains to her the issue. The daughter abruptly says “what part of light pink and light blue does she not understand”.

I know she is a child and has had a rough road but am AITA for not going the extra mile making them. I offered to make favors and I will make sure they are beautiful. But any joy I have making them is totally gone. Normally, I would do a couple of surprises along with the favors, but I just don’t have it in me and I feel terrible for being upset at a child. I feel like such a terrible person. Any advise on what I should do?

The internet did not hold back one bit.

Ok_Case_1521 wrote:

The way I would suddenly hurt my wrist and be unable to make these. NTA. I thought the mom was the jerk but clearly she raised a jerk too.

Sea_firefighter_4598 wrote:

I don't know if she has had a rough road in the past but with that attitude she will have one going forward. Tell her that it is the companies that make the supplies that don't understand her baby shower color scheme. Do what you promised, don't go the extra mile, and be prepared not to be thanked. NTA but no more favors, party or otherwise, for these people.

nylonvest wrote:

NTA. I have no problem with you scaling down your efforts. But I DO have a problem with you keeping silent about how you've been treated.

Tell her you didn't appreciate her snapping at you and you don't appreciate her daughter talking down to you like that and remind her that you do this as a business and were going to get her these favors as a gift. But even if she was a paying customer you expect to be treated with decency.

If you are certain you want to go through with the favors you can tell her you're going to do this for them because you said you would, but you think you deserve an apology.

If not, you can just confront her about the behavior and see how she responds and decide how YOU want to proceed based on that.

After receiving some support, OP shared an edit with more context.

When the daughter snapped me, the mother halfheartedly apologized to me. Saying you understand teenagers. And I do understand teenagers.

Normally, when I offer to do favors for someone, we discuss the colors and what I can offer for the party. I will give the person my honest opinion and make sure they’re aware that I might not have exactly what they want. She wanted things that said sweet 16 in her specific color choice, light blue and light pink. I was unable to find that.

I can find pink alone, but not the combo . I wanted to make sure she understood. Not to criticize her, but just to make she was aware it might not be exactly what she was looking for. It’s not worth my time to make something for someone if it’s not exactly what they want. I ask clients and family members to make sure I understand what they want.

I have no personal opinion of any kind. I could care less what colors people pick or theme they use. Not my business. But I’m not gonna shield away from being honest. I will explain to them the situation/issue and let them decide what they want.

I have offered my services for free for 1 million events.

School events, team fundraisers, nursing home gifts and thousands of raffle baskets. All for free, remember, this is my second job money is tight. If I offer something, it’s with a whole heart. I’ve known this child since she was an infant, and I am upset. I want to do something beautiful for her but I can’t get over the fact that she was just so rude. I feel the mother should have corrected her.

Comments kept coming in response.

iamnotfunnybutitried wrote:

I really think you should try expressing how you feel about this to your friend and/or her daughter. It sounds like you care about them and value these relationships, so it won't do any of you any good if you fester resentment over this situation.

What I would try to do in your situation (and I'd really need my husband in my corner, he's at least half of my backbone) is to talk to both of them together and express that you want to offer this gift but you still have to be treated with respect.

Colors you can talk about sunrise to sunset, respect is a non-negotiable. If they have concerns or big feelings, that's okay, but they must still be expressed in a respectful manner. Don't be afraid to speak from your heart, but remember that you don't have to give or do anything that you don't want to.

frequent-shirt5498 wrote:

I agree, her mother, right then and there should have told her how rude she was and reminded her how you are doing this as a gift for free, otherwise she may not have decorations because money is tight. The mother should have told her to apologize or she would tell you to forget the decorations and she may just cancel the party all together.

Her just half-heartedly apologizing herself, for her daughter helps no one. Most certainly not her daughter. And yes we were all teenagers once so we do know them. But that doesn't give them a pass to be rude to anyone and especially someone kind enough to put a lot of work into a free gift for them. NTA. I would tell them how you feel.

agreeable-region-310 wrote:

Don't be surprised if the daughter lets you know how disappointed she is in what you make for the favors. I don't think she will be happy regardless of what you do.

MsKrueger wrote:

I don't think you should move forward with making the favors until you talk to the mom and the daughter. Tell them what you've put here; you've given them a lot of free labor over the years, and you did it because it made you happy giving them that gift, but you can't be treated like punching bag.

You are happy to help them out but you at least need to be treated with respect. If they can't do that, you don't feel comfortable helping them with parties and events anymore. Or at the very least, you won't help with this one.