'AITA for scheduling a doctor's appointment during a meeting my boyfriend wanted me to attend?'
"AITA for scheduling a doctor's appointment during a meeting my boyfriend wanted me to attend?"
My boyfriend owns an Airbnb in a vacation area that another company manages for him. We do use it several times a year. When we go, I end up doing yard and home maintenance, because I have the time. He spends the day working from home on his computer. So, the management company is changing hands.
They held a video meeting a couple months ago that I attended for him. It was recorded, so he could've watched it. He never asked me anything about it. They held another meeting tonight. He kept sending me email reminders about the new meeting. I told him I wasn't going to watch this time. It was his turn.
He kept telling me it was important. He's selling the property and won't be Airbnb-ing it anymore, so why do I need to attend the meeting? He continued to send me reminders and talk to me like I was going to attend. I told him, if it is that important, then he should watch it. Here's the thing, he was planning on hitting tennis balls with his friends.
I again said, "If it is that important, you'll make it a priority and skip hitting tennis balls or go a little late." Then I made a doctor appointment for the same time, so I couldn't get guilted into watching it. So, AITA for purposely skipping the meeting?
The internet had a lot to say in response.
Proper-district8608 wrote:
NTA but, if he 'continued to talk as if you were going' after saying you weren't, you had to be aware of that. You need to make it clear and ask if he understand that you will not be in on meeting. Or, get a boyfriend who chooses not to hear what he doesn't want to.
OP responded:
Oh believe me, I made it clear. He's the kind of guy that runs his own business and has learned not to take no for an answer. He said he'd watch the first half and I could watch the second if I got back from the doctor's in time. I ran a couple errands and treated myself to dinner out. LOL.
Entire-wish-2298 wrote:
NTA. Your bf is being an AH though. If you're not ready to have less assholery in your life, I'm glad you are at least standing up for yourself. He's making a lot of extra work for you in fighting off his attempts to manipulate you into ignoring your excellent boundaries. This is not what people mean when they say relationships require effort.
PM_Me_Ur_Redpandas wrote:
NTA. I’m all about being a team and helping each other out, but it sounds like he’s counting on you doing stuff so he doesn’t have to, rather than with him. That’s not cool.
I would tell him that choosing to hit tennis balls with his friends over watching the meeting shows how unimportant he considers it. And if it’s not important to him, it certainly isn’t important to you so there’s no reason for you to watch the meeting, and you’re doing something that IS important instead.
ratherardent wrote:
NTA. It’s his property; he should be prioritizing meetings that provide information about /his property/. Seems weird to delegate that kind of thing to a partner who doesnt have a vested interest in anything happening in the meeting.
TheLawLord wrote:
You should definitely attend the management firm’s meeting on your boyfriend’s behalf – if he and his friends are the quarter-finalists at Wimbledon, or the U.S. Open, or the state championships. In that case, his tennis game really is more important than the meeting.
As an alternative, you could go watch him play tennis. If the tennis game is more important for him, then it can be more important for you as well. NTA.
Asleeprevenue1722 wrote:
In other words, "AITAfor not doing unpaid labor?" You're not his assistant and if it's important to him, he should prioritize it. The fact that you even have to make a doctor's appointment for it to feel valid is wild.
You should be able to say no and have it be enough. I think it's time to reflect on if he's really someone you want as a life partner. Either he needs to learn to respect you or you should find someone who does.
Delicious-cut4323 wrote:
YTA - Because you either value yourself less than a household pet, you’re looking for someone to tell you to leave your boyfriend, or you’re just posting for attention. Regardless, knock it off.
mid-cenmod1018 wrote:
NTA. He gets free labor from you for his property, doesn't have to actually manage it because he uses a company…what responsibilities of ownership does he actually do?
emptysthemepark wrote:
NTA. Let me get this straight: you go to your bf's vacation property and you don't actually vacation. He works and has you doing free maintenance on it for him. So relaxing. He's the owner and skipped an important meeting for the property management company he uses and sent you, THE NON-OWNER, as a proxy like his personal assistant.
He's again wanting to skip because TENNIS for fun, but expects you to drop everything? Tell him when you own half the AirBNB you'll attend half the meetings. But no more. OP, you have a serious boyfriend problem.
Quincebush wrote:
NTA. Unless your partner is paying for you to be his property manager, he can skip hitting tennis balls with his friends and attend the zoom meeting about his property he wants to sell.