'AITA for scheduling my wedding 1 month before my best friend?' 'She felt overshadowed.'

"AITA for scheduling my wedding 1 month before my best friend?"

I (23F) just got engaged in August of this year. We’ve been together for 3 years. My best friend Sarah (fake name) (24F) got engaged in March of this year. They’ve been together for 7 years.

Sarah and I are long distance friends, and our friendship is filled with almost yearly trips to visit each other. We are so close that her fiancé actually asked me to come visit to surprise her at their engagement, which I did, in March. Sarah scheduled her wedding for June 2026. I am in her wedding party (she’s in mine too).

My fiancée proposed in August. When we started thinking about dates, I was stressed for 4 reasons: I do NOT want to elope. My fiancé is military and may get deployed after June of next year. We will be moving states next July. I am starting grad school next August.

I realized that my only options for a wedding were May or June, as any earlier feels too soon. I immediately thought of Sarah. I chose May so that our weddings would not be in the same month. The date that I chose is slightly over 30 days prior to hers.

When I told her about our engagement, she seemed “fake happy." I’m not really sure how to describe it, other than I know her, and something sounded off with her on the phone when I told her we were engaged.

Then, weeks later when I told her the date we were considering, she instantly asked a bunch of questions about why May. I explained to her my reasons, and she suggested we wait until 2027, or just elope even though it’s not what I want. I told her it’s going to be May. She told me on the phone that she wasn’t sure she would come. After our phone call, I was upset.

I was getting the sense that she was jealous. I sent her a text asking if she’d feel less stressed if we agreed that we both love each other but can’t go to each others weddings. She responded saying that she can’t imagine that, and that we would figure it out.

A few days later, I received a text from Sarah. The first paragraph was how she was worried about money for a plane ticket. The next 5 paragraphs were about how she felt overshadowed by me, and that she felt like my wedding was more important than hers.

She also said that since I had suggested neither of us attend each others weddings, it made her feel like I didn’t care about hers. Finally, she said it wasn’t fair that I scheduled my wedding before hers because she got engaged first.

I responded and explained my reasons for May again. I also offered to pay for her plane ticket and let her stay with me here. Her only response was that she wouldn’t feel comfortable letting me pay for her plane ticket. (I’ve literally done this for her before) I really feel like this isn’t a money thing and she’s looking for reasons to not come to my wedding.

So, AITA for scheduling my wedding a month before Sarah’s? And what do I do in this situation? She is my best friend, and even though I feel like she’s acting immature and unfair, I love her, and I can’t imagine either of us missing the other’s big day. Help!

Here's what people had to say to OP:

Ehgender said:

NAH. But it feels tacky. Is there any reason you can’t wait other than you don’t want to? A rushed wedding with all of that other stuff after won’t exactly allow you to bask in the newlywed glow. Like “yay we’re married! Anyway I’ll see you when I see you, farewell until then.” If you trust the relationship to last, there’s no reason not to wait.

All signs point to you losing this friendship if you get married before her. You’re definitely overshadowing her and I think you know that. You deserve your moment and she deserves hers.

You both kind of lose out with the dates being so close. Mutual friends will be broke and exhausted attending both weddings back to back. Some may not be able to get the time off work for both that close together. There are so many reasons why this decision would suck for everyone.

No_Yogurt_7294 said:

Technically you can do whatever you like, but people do commonly get weird about stuff like this. Your friendship probably won’t survive.

treetops579 said:

NAH, but I would not expect her to come to your wedding or be a part of it considering how busy everything is leading up to a wedding, and also saving up PTO for her own wedding and honeymoon.

I can also see how she would feel this is really inconsiderate of you considering she has been planning for a while and you knew, but unfortunately life happens. It is good that you don't have any overlapping friends though and will help to cut any animosity.

alien_overlord_1001 said:

NTA. It sounds like you considered things, however your wedding is just a month prior to hers - where she is the bride and has her own stuff to attend to that close to her wedding - you can't realistically expect her to focus on your wedding during that time.

Money may also be a concern if they are paying for their own wedding. You don't live near each other, so travel will be involved and that comes with a cost. If you value her friendship, and you really want to keep this relationship, then maybe you should accept she can't be a part of your wedding, but you can still attend hers as a guest. It really is up to you.

She has made it clear she doesn't want to fly out for a wedding a month before her own when she will be in full planning mode. If you would like to go to hers, let her know its OK if she doesn't make it to your wedding, but you would be honored to come to her wedding as a guest and celebrate. The timing does suck a bit - you have your (valid) reasons for that, so that is all you can do.

ConflictGullible392 said:

NTA. She gets a wedding day. Maybe she gets a wedding weekend. She doesn’t get a wedding month. There is zero conflict here and no reason you can’t have your wedding fully a month apart from hers. You even went above and beyond by offering to pay for her plane ticket.

NumerousTourist6334 said:

NTA: Not sure if you have all of the same friends or if travel is involved for the guests that could be invited to both. While I do believe petty jealousy is ridiculous, she should be happy for you & visa versa. I’d think about moving it up (maybe March or April) especially if your fiancé might be deployed sooner & if shared guests need to travel.