"AITA for screaming at my husband over diapers?"
Me (29f) and my husband (31m) just welcomed our daughter into the world about 2 weeks ago. Unfortunately I had to have an emergency c-section, and the recovery has been awful. My husband had to go back to work 1 week ago, so I am alone. I can’t drive to the store because I can’t walk with her car seat to the car or take out the stroller of the car, so all the shopping is on him.
We tried two different types of diapers, one fits her very well and has never leaked, but the other kind leaked all over the place. Just a little bit of pee and we had to change her clothes.
hese diapers had a very cute pattern, but I told my husband to not buy these when he were shopping, because the constant change of clothes and diapers were manageable when he could walk with her up and down, not for me. He agreed.
Yesterday we run out of diapers, I had told him both Saturday, Sunday and Monday that he needed to buy more. He was too tired to go on the weekend, and apparently he forgot on Monday and didn’t want to drive to the store when he had just gotten home.
I was starting to feel annoyed because I just knew that the diapers were going to run out, which I told him. He just told me that we had plenty (we had about 15 left on Monday when he got home at 4, her diaper needs to be changed at least every hour because she poops very often).
So yesterday I reminded him about 10 times to go to the store and what brand of diapers we needed. I was already frustrated with everything because I had to handle a baby with no diaper for most of the day. When he finally came home I was super relieved, until he showed me the package.
He has bought the other kind and I asked him why, he responded with saying that he just found them so cute when we had them, so he wanted to buy these. I lost it at him, I screamed that he was incompetent, an inconsiderate ahole and much more all while I was crying. He just told me that I was a psycho b-ch and needed to get my sh$t together because he made a decision on his own.
He locked me out of our bedroom so I had to spend the night on the sofa. Today he messaged me telling me that if I am going to behave like this he could just divorce me, because he can’t tolerate being treated like this. I am feeling like an a^s because I usually never act like this, and with the threat of divorce I am just so extremely regretful about it all.
I assume people will ask, no I could not ask anyone to shop for me. We have moved about 16 hours away from any family due to my husbands work, and I have not yet made any friends here. Was I the ahole?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
throwaway928272621 OP said:
I breastfeed so he is not up at nights, and he sleeps through if the baby cries. He took care of us both the first week but now. He is not helping either me or the baby because he is supporting us financially until I go back to work.
My husband still got up every night, got our baby, changed her, brought her to me, changed her again, and walked the hall with her to help her get to sleep. When he got home from work, he would take the baby from me so that I could get dinner together. Baby was colicky, so he would walk & rock her during the nighttime fusdies.
You are NTA, but your husband sure is. You just had MAJOR abdominal surgery, and you're responsible for a baby all day.
Can you do a grocery order or the like in the meantime while you heal? Apparently, you can't rely on your husband.
throwaway928272621 OP said:
I tried pumping but unfortunately I barely release any milk to any of the pumps I have tried. I am open to alternate with formula but my husband don’t want to because he thinks that it is bad for her future health..
Do not drive to the store. With my c section my doctor didn’t recommend me driving till a minimum of 6 weeks as it’s major abdominal surgery. The braking and shoulder checking can both be painful and cause issues to your incision especially if you have to slam on the breaks.
If you have grocery delivery service that will be your best bet. NTA, 2 weeks postpartum is tough. Your hormones are all over the place especially if you’re breast feeding.
ACM915 said:
NTA -you need to straight up call your family to see if they will come and get you and the baby to take you back home with them.
There is no reason for your husband to act as he did and not lift a finger to help you and then lock you out of the bedroom so you could spend the night on the sofa after you’ve had a cesarean section. Are you freaking kidding me? You need to walk away from this mess and get some help from your family.
CoppertopTX said:
NTA. Call his momma and tell her to come get her son, as he's not ready to be a husband or father. It's much easier to be single with a baby than married to a giant toddler.
InternallySad19 said:
NTA, and I'd take the divorce too. His reasoning was not even good, and he knew they were an issue if I read your post correctly. Now if he would've said that's all they had. That would be different. He locked you out of the room and you slept on the sofa post C-section?
He then comes with the audacity to tell you that if you treat him like this again it won't work out, even though he was reminded multiple times over a period of days if not more and let the child run out of diapers, and got the known leaky ones? Jesus f-k the entitlement of some people.
Weekly-Rest1033 said:
You are dealing with A LOT. A major abdominal surgery, a new baby, postpartum. I get that. It's hard for me to say you are in the wrong or ESH. Him not getting the diapers the many times you reminded him, him locking you out of the bedroom, him not asking you what diapers is all just messed up. If he feels like he is being treated so poorly that he wants a divorce, do it. Move back to your family.
seaturtle541 said:
NTA. Call your parents and ask them to come and get you. Your husband is a giant ahole. It’s one thing to get the wrong diapers, but to lock you out of the bedroom two weeks after a C-section and threatened to divorce...I would take him up on the offer.
Prestigious-A-154 said:
NTA. This sounds like weaponized incompetence. I think he wanted a divorce but didn't want to be labeled as a deadbeat dad, so he was finding a way to put the blame on you instead.