Man asks if he's wrong to not tell father-in-law he's being cheated on.
When this man is conflicted about telling his step father in law about a family secret, he asks Reddit:
'AITA for not informing my step-father in-law about a secret that his family has been keeping from him?'
My wife’s side of the family & I have been keeping a secret from my SFIL for quite some time now. My therapist has suggested that I follow my wife’s wishes when decisions need to be made concerning her family.
This is something that I feel he should know. Her family & I all agree that no one should inform him of this secret because of the theoretical aftermath that would come.
My MIL & FIL split up back in 2015. Both were being unfaithful to each other. My wife had confronted her mother about the other man she had been seeing. This led to the parents splitting soon after.
My MIL & SFIL had been together since the split & got married in January 2021. My wife took a girls trip with her family in September of the same year. She started noticing weird behaviors from her mother during the trip.
She noticed that her mom was messaging a man named Ron, a man that my wife did not know. When my wife asked what this was about, her mother replied “I’m consoling a friend in need.” October held another suspicious encounter. During a small family trip to the big city, my wife noticed more than “friendly” messages between her mother and Ron.
She was openly messaging Ron while in front of her new husband! Then during Christmas Day, my wife & her aunt (my MIL’s younger sister) saw more of these “friendly” messages between her and Ron.
Then in march, my MIL & SFIL went to a concert far away. My wife used this opportunity to find evidence of what she had been in fear of for sometime. She found the “friendly” messages on her tablet & saved a few of them, just in case. If her mother & Ron were not fooling around then he had one of the most serious cases of blue balls.
Very recently, my MIL & SFIL bought a pontoon. We have since found out that they use this nearly every weekend with their new good friends, Ron & his wife! They all take trips together & have planned a big vacation for later this year!
My wife & I have been very confused about the entire situation until this last week. My wife’s aunt called my wife & informed her of some new info. My MIL had confessed that she has been seeing Ron since September, she hasn’t loved her husband for years & she only married him because he was a safe pick! Also Ron wants to meet the entire family soon!
My MIL still has two of her kids living at home & they have been witnessing all of this deceitfulness. We have asked that the family continue to play koi for now & to be shoulders for the kids to lean on for help.
My opinion is that either me, or someone in the family should inform my SFIL of this secret. I would not want to be in his shoes. I have chosen to stick with my wife’s plan & I intend to keep this secret. For now. AITA?
Well, let's find out.
craftyallthetime writes:
NTA. I would tell your wife, “Look, you need to talk to your mom, and tell SFIL if she won’t come clean. I want to leave this in your hands because it’s your family, but I want you to do the right thing. And if you can’t for some reason, let me take the heat from your mom and siblings and I’ll tell him myself.”
As for judgement: a little ESH. You and your wife should tell SFIL Your MIL is a major AH and the rest of the covering siblings are regular level AHs.
pomegranateno1 disagrees:
Yta. This isn't a family secret, this is your mil being s deceitful human being and you all just cowardly sitting there and doing nothing. You all knowing and not telling him makes everyone of you as bad as her.