"WIBTA for secretly moving out without telling my ex?"
Hi everyone, I need some help settling a debate with my brain. Recently my EX (M 32) broke up with me (F 25) for multiple reasons, from “being to expensive to live with” to letting myself go, to us fighting too much. The list goes on and seems to change depending on his mood. We live together and had been together for just over 5 years.
He immediately started sleeping around and telling me how he was “taking advantage of being single for the first time in 5 years” (I did not ask for this info) and every time I would just go about my day and not speak to him or give him one worded responses he would tell me I’m being a spoiled brat, I’m acting childish etc and that he doesn’t understand why we can’t just be friendly.
He told me I can stay until the end of January (and is expecting me to stay until then) when the lease on our house is up and then we will both move, but stay in touch and he will come visit me according to him.
He has honestly been such an awful person to me over this break up and has played with my head for so long that I’m doubting a lot, but I need out. I can’t take the mind games anymore, he’s bringing women to the house to sit in his car even though we agreed not to bring anyone near the house. He records me when I’m not doing anything or just sitting there watching a show.
He sends me messages telling me how much he misses us and everything we had together and then the next day tells me he never said or did any of that.
So this brings me to the end here.
Without him knowing, I have chosen to move to another state and have secured a job and bought a house. I’m set to close on my new house in just under 2 weeks, almost everything I own has been packed. Would I be the A-hole for up and leaving while he’s gone one day without saying anything?
I planned on taking anything that’s mine, and if I don’t take it or need it I’m giving it away or donating it. That being said I have purchased almost everything for the house we live in, so when I leave he will be left with a twin size bed, a nightstand, a vacuum, a coffee bean grinder, some ninja thing he got, his one tv and tv stand. Oh and a dresser.
I would be taking everything. Including the metal light switch covers I just got a few months ago and the curtains/curtain rods. I just want out of this situation and for my poor animals to not be stressed out so much (my one cat shakes when he hears his car in the driveway).
He also loses his job in December (this is the 4th job he’s lost since I’ve been with him) and I don’t want to be around to deal with it more then I need to as it’s no longer my issue. So, WIBTA?
For added context, I am not on the lease for the house we rent, we have been here for 3 almost 4 years and he would never let me be added to the lease. So I would not be breaking a contract. This was also his first time living on his own, he’s only ever lived with his uncle and/or grandfather and that is who he is moving back in with.
He has also made no effort to start packing. He has never helped with anything around the house (even when we were together).
I will try to answer any questions you guys have. And thank you for your time!
This is what people had to say to OP:
Beneficial-Ball8375 said:
NTA. To stay on top of the 'don't blame me, blame yourself' game, I would pay the portion of rent/utilitied you monthly contributed for December as well - staying true to the initial statement of severing ties in January.
Leave him the adress of your prickliest relative (very grumpy old grandpa, nastiest aunt in history) as the place to send mail to (so, if he shows up there, he will regret that) and if he complains about the furniture/stuff you take with you, answer this: I will return every item via shipping where you can send me proof of purchase. Enjoy your new life!
wolfcrownebox said:
DO IT! YOU BAD BIIIISH! The satisfaction and happiness of women all over the world stuck in shitty relationships we are trapped in depends on you. We need a win! YOU’RE OUR CHAMPION!!!!
OP responded:
Everytime he does something like tell me he loves me and misses me and then tells me he never said that or did something worse. I just remain claim and remind myself that in less then two weeks he will be coming back to an empty house with no food nor a way to cook it. And it makes me giggle. I cannot wait to have my freedom and not have to worry about stepping on eggshells
Mollystar2 said:
No one could blame you for leaving without notice, based solely on the fact that your cat is so afraid of him.
OP responded:
I feel so bad for him. As soon as he pulls into the driveway I shut and lock myself in the bedroom with my keys and all the cats because I never know what is going to happen. One moment he’s telling me how much he misses me and still loves me and the next he is telling me I’m being a bitch for not speaking to him enough. I can’t win either way I go.
ohemgee0309 said:
NTA but on the day of the move, make sure you have plenty of people there to help and witness in case he becomes harassing or worse, violent. Change ALL your passwords. Lock down your credit. Be ready to block him everywhere. Have a great life!
silkvelvet4 said:
You owe him nothing. Do you have people ready to help at a moments notice? He might have a flying monkey around to report on you, so it would have to be FAST. And if he's recording you, try to get ahold of his phone to see what else he's got, and delete it all including 'cloud' backups. Also, if you own the crockery, cutlery etc, pack it all up and get some disposables for yourself.
AND stop picking up after him. Don't clean up when you get your stuff out. Like I said, you owe him nothing, he hasn't kept to any agreement he made with you, and is trying to keep you confused and compliant by saying he misses you and then denying it. Guaranteed, he's planning something too, and so if you can get yourself and your pets out NOW, it would be so much better than waiting any longer.
If you have a non-mutual freind who can help you store your furniture until the house purchase goes through, I would recommend it, because he may just try to leave you in the lurch, especially, if he gets the hint you're planning to just take off.
And OP responded:
Thankfully I have multiple people to come up and help me. One of them is even driving the truck all the way out to the new house for me so I can take my animals and go to the closing. He does have cameras on the outside of the house so I’m hoping I can cover them or turn them enough to not set them off.