'AITA for secretly selling alcohol at my dry wedding to cover costs?' '$5 a beer, $8 for cocktails.'
"AITA for secretly selling alcohol at my dry wedding to cover costs?"
So I (27F) recently got married. My husband (29M) and I planned a pretty big wedding—about 300 guests. It was beautiful, honestly a dream. There’s just one thing: our families are super conservative and very religious, so we told everyone it would be a dry wedding (aka, no alcohol). That decision kept the peace with our parents and extended family.
As we all know, wedding are expensive and we were footing most of the bill ourselves. I saw an opportunity and took it. I hired a licensed bartender friend of mine to set up a “VIP bar” hidden at the venue (it was at a large event hall with a garden and private side rooms).
I gave a heads-up to about 75 of our younger friends and more chill cousins, and basically had them pay for drinks—think wedding speakeasy. The drinks were priced reasonably (like $5 a beer, $8 for cocktails), and people were happy to pay because 1) open bar weddings are rare in our circle, and 2) they thought it was kinda fun.
Long story short, between the money from drinks and tips, we made about $2,000, which helped cover part of the catering bill. The issue is…word got out. A few of my aunts overheard someone talking about the “secret bar,” and now my mom is livid.
She says I lied to everyone, disrespected the family, and made a “mockery of our values.” My MIL also called me “manipulative and selfish.” But honestly, most of our guests didn’t even know it happened, and the ones who did loved it. We didn’t force anyone to drink. We just gave the option discreetly.
My husband is kind of in the middle. He gets why I did it but wishes I had told him beforehand. I didn’t because I knew he’d get stressed and say no out of guilt. So…AITA for secretly selling alcohol at my dry wedding to offset the cost? Edit: I did not keep the bartender’s tips!!! We paid him well he kept all his tips.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
thinking_spell said:
YTA. Dude, I was SO on board with you! This was a great idea…. Until you neglected to inform your spouse!!!! If you both had agreed then frankly I’d say your conservative family’s opinions don’t matter, BUT your spouse’s does!!!
Let this be a lesson in marriage for the future: always consult your partner. The rest of the world can be against you, but you both should always have the others back. By lying to them you weren’t being a good life partner.
gover2087 said:
Honestly, I thought your wedding speakeasy was an awesome idea. YTA big time for not including your husband in on it, but NTA for doing it. You guys are a team and it was both of yours wedding.
However, your life and your values are YOURS. Nobody has the right to tell you how you should live your life. You’re a grown, married woman. Grow a backbone and stop letting them try to control you. Your husband should do the same. It’s not going to get any better when you buy a house or have children. If they don’t like it, tough.
Platypus_Neither said:
So skeezy. Not just for the hidden bar. But for stealing the bartenders tips. I don't see why they would be your friend. You sound like such an incredibly selfish person. If you can't afford a big wedding then don't have a big wedding you narcissist. And your marriage is doomed cause it started with a lie. YTA.
bunsburner1 said:
Definitely YTA to the other 200 guests who weren't told there was a bar. Imagine having to sit through someone's "dry" wedding only to find out they and their friends were drinking the whole time.
Electrical-Regret500 said:
YTA, it is honestly embarrassing, don't do the wedding you can not afford instead of lying to your spouse.
MsDeidre said:
YTA because you did it behind your husband's back. It's your wedding and you can pretty much do whatever you want to do on your wedding day, but you should definitely have your husband's agreement since it's his day, too. You made a conscious decision not to tell him, and that's what makes you the AH.
ColdstreamCapple said:
YTA. You know what at the end of the day it’s YOUR wedding and if your family don’t like your decisions they don’t have to come. But the fact you hid this from your spouse and created extra drama is what makes you the AH…
I mean you really thought all these people wouldn’t find out? Or that someone wouldn’t unknowingly follow someone else to this bar? You’ve just created trust issues in your marriage, Good job!