'AITA for selling my house to get rid of my step-children?'
"AITA for selling my house to get rid of my step children?"
My wife passed away in November. She left me three adult step children who have all been very clear that I am not their parent despite being in their lives for over ten years. Their father has retired to the Philippines.
They are 21, 22, 25. Their mother and I have been helping them out with a place to live because our city is very HCOL [high cost of living]. The youngest is in school still but the other two are employed.
After their mother passed away they stopped doing anything around the house. We had been charging no rent so they could save money. The older two were responsible for their own bills other than that. I paid power, water, Internet, all the utilities. We even provided food for the youngest.
Now they do nothing to help around the house. I have had to hire a cleaning lady to help. It's stupid. So I put the house up for sale. The price has gone up so much since I bought it that I could retire to the Philippines if that was my thing.
It took no time at all to sell and I'm moving out to my cabin. I gave each kid $10,000 and told them that the house was sold. They aren't idiots. They had seen the for sale sign and been around for the open houses.
Now they are getting upset with me for throwing them out of their home. I guess they did some of their growing up there but they never treated it like much more than a place to sleep.
I think that their mom would be disgusted with how they treated me and our home. They pooled their money and got an apartment but if they count on only the money I gave them they will have nothing in a year. AITA?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
NTA. They were disrespectful to you and your home and you weren't obligated to continue providing for them, especially after they became adults.
Who bought hte house in the first place? I think that’s important, and quietly omitted …. And may sway my answer…. If their mother owned the house first… then they should get more than $10k surely?!
No_Competition7799 OP responded:
I owned the house prior to meeting their mother.
Then an easy NTA…. This is nothing more than the usual annoyance 20somethingyearolds have when their parents downsize out of the family home.
INFO: What is their version of events? What is their side of the story?
No_Competition7799 OP responded:
I don't know. I'm sure I'm the evil step father that kicked them out penniless while their mom was in the hospital.
A year and a half is nothing to a kid. They probably became depressed.
No_Competition7799 OP responded:
Are you dense enough to think I felt nothing. I still went to work. I still supported them. I didn't immediately kick them out. I hired help to help them. I offered them counseling.
It certainly comes across that way, yes.
No_Competition7799 OP responded:
Well perhaps you should think before commenting so you don't come across as dense.
Do you talk to everyone like you think they're stupid or something? I'm beginning to see why you had a problem with them if you also spoke to them that way. One of them is still at school and under huge stress after being kicked out in their last year of school, so that won't help their grades much.
So they pooled their money to support each other and stay in the area for their jobs and schooling, which sounds pretty decent of them. You could have formally leased them the house and had a cleaner as part of the rental agreement. It was a bit of a strong reaction to sell, after losing their mum. So yeah, you're still rated as YTA.
No_Competition7799 OP responded:
I lost her a year an a half ago. And they used the opportunity to stop helping and instead cost me money.
You're a saint for giving them 10k each, NTA.
No_Competition7799 OP responded:
I wasn't going to toss them in the street or anything. I've known them all for ten years.
If you sold the house and only gave them each four months living expenses, then you pretty much did toss them out on the streets. Thank goodness for the ten years of living together as a family experience, otherwise they might only have received $100 each. YTA