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'AITA for selling my engagement ring and refusing to give my ex any of the money?' UPDATED

'AITA for selling my engagement ring and refusing to give my ex any of the money?' UPDATED

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"AITA for selling my engagement ring to get my deposit back and refusing to give my ex the difference?"

I'll try to keep things short. My ex-fiancé and I dated for 3 years and we were engaged for 7 months, he left me for his best-friend, because they both were in-love and la la la, they wanted to try it out before ''running out of time''. I'm bitter, yes, but it is what it is, there was no cheating or anything else.

The thing is, we were getting ready to be together before the wedding and we decided to move to a bigger place so he could have his office at home, while we were dating we lived together for a year, but then decided to move separately because we weren't able to find a place near both our jobs and he had to drive 45min to 1 hr while I only did 15 minutes.

We found one 5 months ago and I, alone, paid for the deposit with the understanding that we were supposed to get it back since we were gonna move and eventually buy something for us.

Since we didn't, I decided to stay where I already live (since it's smaller, cheaper and closer to my job) so I lost my deposit (around 1,700) with no other way to get my money back, I sold the engagement ring he bought me and got 7,500 I said forget it, I will keep the rest for what he did.

But 3 days after I sold it, he contacted me, asking to meet so I could give him the ring and he could give me the deposit in full so I wouldn't lose any money'. I said no need bro, I already sold it and he got mad because the ring is worth more than the deposit. He's asking for the difference and I said no, because is mine and I don't owe him sh!t, then hung up.

I told my family about it and sister said I was kind of sh!tty, because I'm obviously taking advantage and being spiteful since I think he still ''owes me'' for breaking my heart, and that to be true, I haven't lost any money with this break up because he compensated for anything we spent at the beginning.

the only thing we left unclear was the deposit which, he was going to pay IN FULL when we only needed to do go halves so I should give the extra money I got. AITA?

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

[deleted] said:

NTA. He broke the engagement. You get to keep the ring. If you broke it, he gets it back.

said:

Legally speaking, not necessarily. In a lot of places in the US, an engagement ring is recognized as a conditional gift (the condition being it becomes the recipients with marriage). Based off a quick Google, Montana it is an unconditional gift, in 5 states it matters who called off the wedding, and the rest it goes back to the giver.

This isn't a legal advice sub, so let's look at it morally. If OP changed her mind about kids or cheated, or some other relationship shattering thing, should the ex be out for no longer wanting to get married? I'd say no. Why should it be different because the ex decided getting married would be wrong for a different reason? So morally, I'd say OP owes the leftover money back.

said:

Check the law in your area. In some places an engagement ring is considered a contract and you may be liable for it

OP responded:

No way, I'll have to check it, my sister is more worry about the financial/moral aspect of it because I gave him a watch and he did try to give it back but I said nah, so she says I should've offer to, at least.

said:

I’m going to disagree with the first comments I read and say YTA. I get it. You’re mad. He broke it off, etc etc. You say he was going to pay the entire deposit and he just wanted the ring back. IMO, that’s beyond fair. You’re not out any money and there’s no price that can be put on relationships.

It is what it is as you said. I don’t think that justifies making a profit out of the deal at his expense. He did the right thing in calling off the engagement when his heart wasn’t in it. Yes it hurts, but better before than after getting married.

[deleted] said:

YTA it's not your money, give it back.

said:

YTA. It sucks that he left you for his best friend and it also sucks that you lost out on the deposit originally, but legally you can't do what you did. An engagement ring isn't a gift, it's a contract. The contract being this ring is yours with the fulfillment of marriage, if the marriage doesn't happen the contract is null and the person who bought the ring gets it back.

When the engagement ended you should have given the ring back to him and discussed what was going to happen about the deposit and gotten that in writing. However, because you didn't give it back to him and sold it you've opened yourself up for a lawsuit and possibly even a police record depending on your area and if your ex wants to press charges.

He can now sue you for the amount that ring was worth, and if he can't prove how much the ring was worth (i.e. a reciept) then he can sue you for the amount that you received for the ring.

said:

Also depends if he wants to pursue it. Small claims court is long and arduous.

From the sounds of it with how he’s handling money, he wants to cut ties with you as swiftly and painlessly as possible and dragging this affair on (which makes him come across looking really bad, as apart from the dumping you for his friend, most people will look at the timeline and won’t be as convinced as you are no infidelity happened) is probably the last thing he wants.

It’s in his vested interest that this goes away ASAP. I probably wouldn’t contact him again about it and wouldn’t worry too much about legal action unless he brings it up and pushes. Then you take it from there.

OP responded:

Yeah, it actually sucks because for what I've heard, his siblings and his mom are delighted they're together now because the girl is actually pretty loved by his family, his dad is only uncomfortable because he think he did me dirty with the whole engagement and that if he felt that way, he could've done something sooner.

my ex was (is?? dunno after this I view him different) a really good person, kind, always helped those he could. People view it as if he had acted from his heart and some said I should be happy that I didn't get caught on a bad marriage, but my heart still hurts. I don't know if he will sue, he surely has the means for it.

She later shared this brief update:

Well, my brother and I checked the laws (more like googled it??) and apparently, it's right that I can be sued because the rings wasn't legally mine, yet, and I might've fucked up because I only got 7.5 while the rings might've worth more (ex's a trust fund kid), shit. Anyway, I'll contact a lawyer monday morning and I'll stop spending the money I did get.

Sources: Reddit
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