"AITA for selling my sister's 'dream' wedding dress?"
I (33F) have supported my older sister financially for years. To date, I’ve spent approx. $25k helping her with bills and her kids. She’s lived with me rent-free multiple times, and I currently pay the insurance on the car she drives (which is in my name).
It feels crappy bringing it all up because I’ve never asked for or wanted repayment; I just wanted to help my family, but it feels like context for how much I’ve put into being a good sister.
In 2021, she was getting married and asked me to be her MOH. I went all out. I paid for her Nashville bachelorette trip for her and the bridal party. I also paid for her dream wedding dress, veil, and storage bag because my parents (who were supposed to split it) hit a financial rough patch.
The wedding never happened. The dress sat in my closet for four years. When my sister moved out of my house most recently, she didn't even take it with her. She never asked about Recently, I had a change of financial circumstances. I had to leave my home and my marriage overnight due to domestic violence. I had no time to plan and no safety net. It’s been pretty bad.
I’ve run out of gas on the side of the road and gone days without eating to save money. My parents are dead, and the rest of my family usually counts on me and can't help me, so I haven't even asked. I've just been selling everything I own to survive. My sister is aware of my leaving, and my financial state, since I told her I might not make the car insurance payment.
I realized the dress is currently "having a moment" and retailing for twice what I originally paid. To me, it felt like a miracle—an investment I didn't know I had. I posted it for sale a couple of places online (marketplace, Poshmark, etc.) to try and sell it for some emergency cash.
When I posted it to TikTok, my sister commented: "Well this sucks. I wanted to give it to (her daughter) when she grows up." Her daughter is 3, and the wedding would have been to her father, who my sister is no longer with.
Now I feel like I was justified in selling the dress. I paid for it, I've stored it for four years, and she never asked about it. My family knows I’m struggling, but maybe they don't know the extent. To be fair, they also haven’t actually bothered to ask.
From her perspective, I'm selling her "dream dress" and her daughter's future heirloom. From my perspective, I am literally trying to survive and I'm the one who paid for the dress in the first place. AITA for selling it without asking her first?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Dlodancer said:
NTA, and stop paying her bills when you are barely making ends meet yourself! Have you asked her for help? This will tell you who she is.
TemptationX03 said:
This is one of those situations where feelings don’t beat facts. Fact is you paid for it. Fact is you stored it. Fact is she abandoned it. Fact is you’re broke and trying to survive.
The “future heirloom” thing sounds nice but it’s also very convenient timing now that the dress is worth money. If she wanted it preserved for her kid, she could’ve taken responsibility for it at literally any point. NTA.
VordovKolnir said:
NTA. It's yours not hers. Get a lawyer to handle the divorce. It sounds like you need one.
FarVegetable8246 said:
Nta...maybe...if she wanted it...SHE could have bought it from you because "FAmIlY HeLpS FaMilY" or whatever.
CatsMom4Ever said:
NTA. If she wanted it, she would have kept it, not treat you like a free storage unit.
ExtremeJujoo said:
NTA. And stop paying for all her stuff. Stop being so “helpful”. You are doing way too much. Keep paying for the car insurance since your name is on the damn car and you sure as hell don’t need any extra financial issues should she get in a wreck, but otherwise stop! Enough! No more! And yeah, she gets no say in the dress she can piss off.