Session musician refuses to play friend's wedding for 'exposure,' 'I should be honored.' AITA?

"AITA for refusing to play at my friend’s wedding for free after she said I’d get 'exposure?'"

I (28M) am a session musician, and I also play gigs outside of work. Recently, a friend asked me to play at her wedding. She said she wanted a live performance during the ceremony and cocktail hour. I was flattered and happy to help, so I asked her about the details and offered a reasonable fee based on my experience.

That’s when things got weird. She seemed shocked that I was asking for payment. She told me, "But you're a friend! You should do this as a wedding gift!" Then she added that it would be "great exposure" for me since many guests might want to book me for future events.

I explained that while I value our friendship, performing at her wedding would require preparation, plus time spent on the day itself, including transportation and setting up my equipment. I also reminded her that this is part of my livelihood, not just a hobby.

She got upset and said I was being selfish. She claimed I should be honored to be part of her big day and that I was putting money over our friendship. I told her I couldn’t do it for free, and now she’s barely speaking to me.

I feel bad because I don’t want to lose a friend, but I also think it's unfair to expect me to work for free. So, AITA for refusing to play at her wedding without compensation?

EDIT:

Just to clarify it was only for the ceremony and the hour of cocktails straight after, not the reception. She "hired" a DJ for that.

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

4986270 said:

NTA - She’s being disrespectful and rude. If anything she should have offered to pay you when she asked.

Emotional-Hair-1607 said:

NTA: A famous pianist was asked to perform at dinner party. Afterwards he presented the hostess with his bill. She was shocked and said, "But you were a guest!" His response was, "No, otherwise my wife would have also been invited."

RJack151 said:

NTA. Tell her that if you are performing, then you would not be able to enjoy her "big day." She is not your friend.

PeachesKilledJeff said:

NTA. A friend wouldn’t expect a freebie when this is your JOB. That is incredibly rude. You did the right thing.

celestialllqueen said:

NTA. Your friend is asking you to provide a professional service, which takes time, skill, and effort, and expecting you to do it for free just because you're friends. That’s not fair, especially when it’s some part of your livelihood.

The "exposure" argument named is weak exposure doesn’t pay bills, and as a professional musician, you’ve likely heard this line before. You’re not being selfish you’re setting a boundary to protect the value of your work and your time.

If she truly valued your friendship, she’d respect that this is your career, not just a hobby lol. Friends shouldn’t expect free labor in friendships. You handled this reasonably, and you’re not wrong for standing your ground.

SparklyBullets said:

NTA. Entitled bridezilla.