'AITA for setting a boundary with my cousin's GF who always accuses us of being nepo babies?'

"AITA for setting a boundary with my cousin's GF who always accuses us of being nepo babies?"

I (28F) come from a big family and we are very comfortable financially speaking. My family members' mentality has always been to invest in us kids and do everything to help us succeed in life. That being said my brother, I and our cousins were sent to good schools, had a lot of opportunities when it comes to extra activities and were helped to lend high paying jobs.

We were always grateful for what we got, for our family support and we did everything in our power to make them proud and become great professionals and I would say decent human beings. Now, all of us continue the same pattern for the kids in the family. I don't have kids yet but my brother has a daughter and one of our cousin has a son, both kids are close in age.

All of us dote on the kids, not in the sense of turning them into spoilt brats but contributing to helping them succeed and have great experiences. One of my cousins Jake (32M) started bringing his girlfriend Susan (30F) around our family and well, she does not really understand our dynamic.

She comes from a different background and I feel she has been very nasty towards us for no reason but still we kept silent and gave her time to adjust. The conflict between us happened a few days ago. We all got together for a family celebration and while being there I surprised the kids with something I knew they would like to try.

So my niece and nephew fell in love with animes, Japanese culture and of course Japanese language. I have arranged for both of them to meet with a guy that I know who is a Japanese teacher for private lessons. Susan once again started with her remarks and said something like "of course you get everything you want when you are a nepo baby."

For the first time I was not nice to her anymore. I told her I don't see her logic since many kids get to attend private lessons and you don't need to be a nepo baby to do so. She said that not everybody can afford private lessons or have access to this kind of lessons so fast and it's all related to privilege.

I kept calm but told her "Susan, you have been making nasty remarks towards us for some time now and you need to stop. I did not buy the kids expensive gadets, cars or whatnot, I have gifted them an opportunity to learn and develop as individuals and if you have a problem with it you need to deal with it on your own.

I understand that not everybody can afford this but I am not responsible for all the kids in this world, their parents are and I will not feel bad for helping my family when I am able to do it." I feel like she is bitter of what we have and I can understand it until a certain point.

I am aware that we indeed are nepo babies but it's not like we asked to be. Our family was able to give us this status, we are also able to give it to the kids in our family but I don't think we need to feel horrible about it. It is what it is and if she does not like us as a family, she is free not to come. But I wonder, AITA for what I said to her?

The internet had a lot to say in response.

GracefullyKara wrote:

NTA! I have always been on the cusp of poor, but when I fantasize about winning or earning a lot of money, I imagine situations like this. I wouldn't buy cars or jewelry, I would take care of my family. Susan has a bad case of envy, not jealousy. Jealousy is feeling like someone will take or has taken something that belongs to you.

Envy is wanting what someone sense has. Envy and jealousy are both valid things to feel, and I'll be honest; I'm envious, too. Susan's problem is that she doesn't seem to be able to keep it to herself. Her envy is hers to deal with, and she's forcing it upon everyone around her instead. That's what makes her the AH.

BKRF1999 wrote:

This story is weird because that's not what a Nepo baby is. And no, not all kids get private lessons. You both have weird perceptions of the other. You make it sound like your cousin brought an 'outsider' into the family.

Her making negative comments are just pre conceived assumptions of how wealthy people are and she's wrong. And you're wealthy, don't come with that nonsense that we're financially comfortable. The average person hates it when you try to pretend to be just like us and then you go to your third vacation home.

nandemoto44 wrote:

NTA providing genuine opportunities for growth and learning is NOT nepotism. Giving people influence, authority, and certain jobs when they absolutely have not earned it, nor do they deserve it JUST because they are family is nepotism. Your cousin's gf is jealous but doesn't even know what she's talking about.

Dark_Phoenix25 wrote:

Maybe my understanding is wrong but a “nepo baby” is a person who uses their family’s name/wealth to get ahead in life without putting in any work. From the sounds of it, you all still worked your butts off to make sure you could live up to the expectations put before you by family.

A nepo baby would either not work or just be given a job without an interview. She sounds bitter. Nice gift though. Learning Japanese will definitely help when watching anime or reading manga. Don’t have to worry about subtitles or waiting for translations NTA.

Sventhehorrible wrote:

Tbh your family sounds like a family of nepotism from the outside. It’s obvious you’re trying to play it down, but yeah- doing everything in your power to make sure your kids succeed, even helping them land jobs with companies you might work with is exactly what nepotism is.

If she doesn’t like it she’s under no obligation to join said family. From your side- you don’t seem to grasp just how spoiled you are and the kids you’re doting on are. I would suggest contemplating that. It does no one any good to have an ego about their station in life- and to put it bluntly, you didn’t get where you are on your own. ESH.