'AITA for refusing to settle down with my pregnant girlfriend of 5 years?' UPDATED

"AITA for refusing to settle down with my pregnant girlfriend of 5 years?"

I (29M) have been in a relationship with my girlfriend (28F) for 5 years. We've had discussions about our future goals, including settling down, having children, and other similar aspects. Initially, we were both on the same page. I believed she was the one for me. However, lately, I've been feeling a sense of boredom and monotony in our relationship.

Our romantic life is great, she's a wonderful cook, and she's objectively attractive. There isn't anything inherently wrong in our relationship, but the thought of being stuck in a repetitive routine is becoming overwhelming for me. Additionally, three of her close friends are either engaged or married, and she keeps pressuring me about when we’ll take that step.

I had been contemplating ending the relationship because I found it increasingly difficult to pretend that everything was fine. However, last week, she told me that she had taken three different pregnancy tests, all of which came back positive. To say that I was horrified would be an understatement. Despite my best efforts to conceal my reaction, she could tell that something was off.

She asked me how I felt about the situation, and I must admit that my choice of words could have been better. I asked her if abortion was an option, which caught her off guard. The following two minutes were filled with an uncomfortable silence. After that, she got up and left the apartment. Since then, she hasn't spoken with me at all, and I assume she's considering breaking up with me.

Meanwhile, her friends and family have been calling me names, but I have chosen to ignore them as their opinions hold no significance to me since they aren't directly involved in this situation. Despite me feeling free and so much better now that we aren’t together anymore, I still can’t help but think I might’ve been the AH.

Here's what people had to say:

shammy_dammy said:

You think you're free? Wait for the court summons.

celticmusebooks said:

"Despite me feeling free and so much better." I suspect that once the reality of 18 years of child support payments kicks in that happy snappy feeling will fade.

queenCANTread said:

You're getting cold feet because monotony is a thing? Did you try spicing anything up? Did you realize you boiled her part in the relationship to her cooking skills and how attractive she is? Yeah, YTA and close to becoming a deadbeat dad to boot.

And SNTCrazyMary said:

You’re definitely an AH. Doesn’t sound like you’re a very mature 29yo. The moment you started feeling the way you were feeling, you should have been honest with her and had a truthful discussion with her to let her know what was going on with you. You may not be “together” anymore, but you’re going to be tied to her as long as you have a child together. Better suck it up and get used to it.

In response to the comments, she shared this first update:

I just wanted to clarify a few things as this ended up blowing a lot more than expected. Firstly, it's important to note that I don't simply view my girlfriend on a surface level. I wanted to highlight the aspects that appear ideal in a relationship from an outsider's perspective.

Regarding my statement that she is "objectively attractive," let me clarify. Yes, I do find her attractive, and I always have. However, it's important to note that she has evolved over the years. She invests a significant amount of time and money into skincare, facials, and luxury brands.

She enjoys enhancing her appearance, and I support her in that. In fact, I have personally gifted her various items related to her interests. It's essential to understand that I love her for who she is as a person. The post merely touched upon three aspects of her identity, but she is so much more than those specific qualities.

Three, we always use protection. We got a bit too drunk four weeks ago and the condom might’ve not been put on properly, but we’re usually very safe. I also don’t need a DNA test as some comments suggested, I’m the @$$hole here, not her.

Furthermore, I want to emphasize my genuine love for her. However, when my life underwent significant changes and the associated pressures began to mount, I started to feel trapped and overwhelmed. Growing up, I witnessed the instability of my parents' relationship, which has undoubtedly influenced my perspective.

While she is not my first girlfriend, she is the one with whom I have had a long-lasting relationship. I recognize that these factors do not excuse my feelings or actions, but they serve as an explanation for my emotional state. In response to the numerous comments requesting it, I have been seeking therapy for a while but I’ve been putting it off.

I’ll try to look into it properly now to address and work through these issues. Regarding my relationship with her family and friends, there is a mixed dynamic. Her father tends to be overprotective, which has made it challenging for us to establish a strong connection.

However, we have managed to find some common ground and maintain a somewhat amicable relationship. Her mother, on the other hand, is kind-hearted but tends to be reserved in her communication. Despite this, we have managed to navigate our interactions fairly well.

Over the years, our friend groups have merged, and we typically gather with different individuals from the group on a weekly basis. However, since learning about her pregnancy, I have distanced myself from everyone to process the overwhelming situation. It is important to note that I do not view them as bad people, and I appreciate their efforts to reach out to me.

However, I am currently feeling emotionally drained, and outside of my pregnant girlfriend, I do not feel obligated to be emotionally available to anyone else in my current state. I do plan on reaching out to my girlfriend when I work out the best way to go about this. That is all.

A month later, he shared this update:

It had been some time since I’d made my last post, it surprisingly blew up so here’s an update. I attended therapy and realized my negative feelings when it came to monotony stemmed from a lot of factors, none relating to my actual relationship. For the sake of privacy and still coming to terms with it all, I won’t share the factors.

My ex-girlfriend and I had met a couple of times since, I grieve what could’ve been every now and then but I acknowledge it was my own fault that I’d lost her. We’ve decided to remain civil for the sake of our future child, and I feel she’s doing much better now. Though we’re not together anymore, I bring her whatever I’d heard pregnant women might need.

Whether that be maternity outfits, compression socks, tea to help with nausea as well as raspberry leaf tea, pregnancy pillows, etc. I love her, but I’m not good for her. We aren’t meant to be together, and I will be there for her regardless. Her friends and family still don’t like me much, but I’m fine with that. I’m just doing what I can for the mother of my child and someone I care for.

Just thought I’d share this update, it’s not much but it’s what’s been going on. And fellas, bit of advice if you’re on a similar boat, no pregnant women deserves to be abandoned even if you’re not in a good mental state. Work on yourself, though it won’t be easy, and step up to the plate. I’ve rightfully been seen as awful by people online, but I am doing what I can as of yet and can only hope for the best.