Woman’s grocery store encounter reveals twin’s partner abandoned his former wife and kids; 'He's a deadbeat.' AITA?
"AITA for shaming my sister for being pregnant and refusing to help her at all with any expenses?"
Outside_Panda_2516
AITA? I (24F) have a twin sister "Ashley" and we've always been close. She started dating this guy a year ago "Jared" (32M). I never really liked him but my sister was head over heels in love with him and said she wanted to marry him.
This summer I was at the grocery store when a woman with three kids came up to me in the aisle and asked if I was Ashley. I said no and was about to say we're twins when she cut me off and said "Yes you are.
You're dating my deadbeat baby daddy and want to stalk my pages leaving hate messages saying he chose you over us and to move on. How heartless are you"? I was like WTF I am NOT Ashley, I'm her twin sister "Blaire" and asked if she was talking about Jared.
She said yes, and showed me the screenshots of my sister DMing her saying Jared is now hers, he doesn't claim those kids, blah blah. I was very uncomfortable but I knew in my gut he was a weirdo.
I was so shocked my sister would date a deadbeat and proudly knowing how our father being a deadbeat sent us both to therapy.
I just walked away.
A few days later I asked my sister and she denied it at first then admitted it saying she didn't tell me he has kids since I personally don't date men with kids and she didn't want me to judge her. I told her I was judging the fact that he's a DEADBEAT, not a father. We argued about it a lot and I've looked at her differently since.
Anyway, this week she invites me over and her and Jared tell me she's pregnant and are both so happy. I just sit there silently and kept eating. She asked why I was acting like a witch and why aren't I happy to be an aunt and I said because of and gestures towards Jared.
He got mad and said "What's your problem with me" and I said because you're a deadbeat. They both got quiet and he said "That doesn't mean I'll be one for this kid"... at that point I laughed and got up to leave.
I'm in the hallway on the way to the elevator when my sister comes running behind me and keeps asking why I'm being so rude while she's sobbing. I told her that she should be ashamed to be pregnant by a guy that abandoned his other kids knowing that happened to us and that she's disgusting and a loser and he's gonna leave her like he did did his ex.
She said I don't know the full story and she can't believe I would be not supportive in this time of her life and the baby has half my DNA too. I felt bad and said I would try to be there for her but she'll realize what a mistake she made, then I left.
Now she's texting me saying she wants to be come back and apologize to Jared and I refused and she said that she doesn't want to speak to me if I don't apologize to them. AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
Brainjacker
INFO: when did your sister ask you to help with her expenses? That’s the question in your title but there isn’t anything about it in the post.
Outside_Panda_2516 (OP)
I tried to keep it under 3k characters, but her and Jared live with two other roommates and she pays the bills since he has to pay child support…when she texted me to apologize she asked me if I could help plan the gender reveal and baby shower with her and pay for half since it’s my niece/nephew and I said no but I would attend.
Celtic_Dragonfly17
$10 he pays little to no child support and is lying to her.
Ok_Play2364
Your sister is no better than her deadbeat baby daddy. Harassing a poor woman with 2 kids.
MadamePerry
OP You are NTA. Their living conditions aren't ideal for going through pregnancy and bringing a baby into the mix. Does she have any idea how expensive babies are? Food, formula and diapers are just the beginning.
There's a lot of gear required, much of it for safety. I'm the Aunt-On-Call and never thought I'd have special car seats, strollers, and so many special items. When the baby is crying is when Jared will be flying out the door to his next conquest. I am so sorry for you because I know it's hard to see. Also sorry for your sister and this innocent baby. Wishing you all the best.
Great-Broccoli41
NTA. Some people have to learn hard lessons on their own. You did what you could; now she has to live with the consequences. I get that by being a twin, it might be harder to stand by and watch. However, you gave her the proverbial kick in the butt... it's all on her now. Who knows, we may all be surprised by the outcome but be prepared when she starts her apology tour.
Bake_and_Shark
NTA. But what no one's even mentioning is how the sister treated the other woman on top of everything else! She's stalking the other woman, sending hate messages and telling her how he's her man now! What a complete bad human being her sister is, knowing that she's screwing over innocent children (not that this guy isn't a deadbeat.)
And then she defends this parasite but has the nerve to ask her sister for money?! The audacity is mind boggling. Personally I would have nothing to do with her. Fffs, her sister thinks OP owes this deadbeat loser an apology!