'She forgot her wallet: AITA for telling my girlfriend’s mom that lying has consequences?'
"AITA For Telling My Girlfriend’s Mom That Lying Has Consequences?"
So I (23M) am dating Kelly (25F). Kelly has two very nice mothers, Gina (64F) and Stacy (71F), that I get on with quite well. The problem relevant to this post is that Stacy has a history of lying, very often, about things both serious and not serious, which Kelly has complained to me about a few times. While the lying does bother me, mainly because it hurts Kelly’s feelings and stresses her out, Kelly says she’s trying to let it go and has just come to accept it as part of her mother’s personality.
Well, I went to run errands with Stacy last week, and when she forgot her wallet I thought it was a genuine mistake. She’s in her 70s, she’s forgetting things, it’s no big deal, I’ll buy her the couple things she needs and she’ll get it back to me when she can. It wasn’t until later that day when I was alone with Kelly and recounting my day that she stopped me as asked if Stacy had me pay for something.
I said yes, and Kelly explained that this is something she does to everybody if they agree to go with her somewhere and she has/wants to buy something. She claims she “forgot” her wallet, asks you to pay, promises to pay you back, but almost never follows through. This was upsetting to hear, as I also don’t like to be lied to and had not experienced Stacy lying to me yet. It’s also not even about money for Stacy, as she has quite a bit to her name, no debt, and Gina pays most of the bills.
Anyway, yesterday Stacy asked me to come with her again for errands, because she needed to pick up some things and they’re too heavy for her to handle. I agreed, and before we walked out the door I said “oh wait, I forgot something” and went and grabbed my jacket. I asked her if she was sure that she also had everything she needed, specifically listing wallet/keys/phone, she said yes.
I asked if she checked before we stepped outside, she said yes again. So on we went, and after the initial errands we stopped at the drug store and she ended up asking me to grab her something while I was inside, claiming she forgot her wallet again. The conversation went like this:
Me: I thought you said you had everything you needed before we left.
Her: I did, I guess I was wrong.
Me: You said you checked.
Her: I did.
Me: So did you lie to me about having your wallet or did you lie to me about checking for it?
Her: I don’t know what you’re talking about.
Me: Do you really not have it with you or are you lying about that too?
Her: Why are you having an attitude with me?
Me: Why did you lie to me?
Her: It’s not a big deal. If you don’t want to help me then I’m going home.
Me: I don’t have an attitude, I’m just not going to deal with you lying to me. Lying has consequences.
She was pissed to say the least and gave me the cold shoulder after this and Kelly says she hasn’t come out of her room since we got back from errands yesterday. Did I go overboard here?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
1962Michael said:
NTA. Obviously this is her long habit and she isn't used to being called out for it. She's avoiding people because she is both embarrassed and angry. If you wanted her to re-think her habit, then you've succeeded.
Stacy may not even realize the game she's playing. When she says "I forgot my wallet" what she means is "please by this for me." Gina has figured this out, as has Kelly. They either pay or don't. In future I suggest you do the same, although I suspect it may be a while before she tries this again with you.
Ready-Replacement181 said:
NTA, she may be 71 but she knows exactly what she doing. She probably not used to people pulling her up on her nonsense.
extinct_diplodocus said:
NTA. Good for you for refusing to be scammed a second time! Stacy badly needed this wake up call. She appears to be too used to consequence-free lying.
Good_Pea_7294 said:
NTA at all. It seems you handled this in a very mature way, Stacy will have a hard time being called out on her well entrenched faults. Firm boundaries are important. Just keep handling them this maturely.
Revolutionary_Let_39 said:
NTA. It’s good that you set boundaries with her now, or she would have continued to take advantage of you. Stacy clearly has psychological issues that she needs to get sorted out.
mooseudders said:
Hahahahahaha.....NTA in the most glorious way!!!!