'Should I continue babysitting for a lady whose baby is a doll?'

"Should I continue babysitting for a lady whose baby is a doll?"

I (19F) posted an advertisement that I babysit. A lady from the area responded saying she has an 11-month-old baby boy ill call “Toby." I told her it’ll be £13 an hour and she said that’s fine she’ll be gone for 3 hours. When I turned up she greeted me while holding what looks like a baby. She handed me it saying “this is Toby”.

I then realised it was a doll. I wasn’t sure if maybe she had given me the doll to give to Toby or if she actually wanted me to babysit the doll so I asked “is there any other children in the house?” So if I had misunderstood her I could pass off as joking about it but I wouldn’t upset her if she really did think the doll was a baby. She said no just Toby.

She made me aware there’s baby monitors around just so she can have peace of mind that he’s okay. I said of course and she kissed the doll on the head before leaving. I basically just play pretended the doll was real. Hugging it. I put in a bouncer she had. Let it “sleep” in the crib. I went to the toilet at one point and on the wall there was a picture of a real baby that looked similar to the doll.

So I’m assuming this is her way of grieving. I cried a bit myself in the bathroom at this realisation. But I put on a happy face when I went downstairs and continued looking after the “baby” changed its nappy so if she was watching she could have peace of mind.

Once she came back she asked how he was. I told her he was so well behaved. I said because he was more well behaved than most babies I’ll only charge her for one hour. She messaged me again asking if I could babysit another time. I haven’t responded yet. My friends don’t think I should because it’s taking advantage of her when she’s clearly mentally ill.

I wouldn’t want to take advantage of her. It’s a really sad situation. They also think I should tell her that it’s just a doll but I don’t know if I should do that. I don’t know if that’s the best way to go about the situation I think it’s not really my place.

Here's what people had to say to OP:

Simbelliine wrote:

So, I don't have experience with this situation, but I do have some experience having a friend with schizophrenia. Best practice is usually to not support the delusion but not counter it either. Like my friend would say "there were a bunch of men outside my window talking about me last night," and I would say "oh, that sounds scary to hear.

That sounds like it would have been loud, did they disturb any of your neighbors?" things like that, basically trying to empathize with how it must have been a scary thing to experience, without saying that it was real.

Trying to let her realize on her own that it was probably a hallucination (in her case, she did know that she was mentally ill, but the hallucinations were so real to her that it could be hard for her to tell that they weren't real).

I also didn't continue such conversations too long, after asking if the neighbours were disturbed, I would usually change the subject to something else.

If you want to continue going, I guess I feel like I would avoid doing things that would refer to the doll as a real baby - the name of the doll is Toby, so it's fine to refer to it as that. You can say neutral, true things like "Toby was fine", etc. But you also don't have to say anything that would negate the woman's delusion either. I would just not engage in much conversation about the doll at all.

felis_fatus wrote:

You should not babysit for her, dealing with someone who's having a mental crisis is beyond your pay grade. It may seem like easy money, but what if tomorrow part of the "roleplay" will include a nervous breakdown because you did something wrong to "Toby?" There's also a non-zero chance that there was never a real baby and the picture is AI, either way that lady needs professional help, not a babysitter.

ExcellentCold7354 wrote:

I couldn't do this. People need to grieve in their own way, but involving others like this is delusional and unhealthy imo. I wouldn't say anything, because that would be cruel and unnecessary, but I wouldn't continue to take her money. The fact that she has a camera and wants you to pretend too, indicates to me that this has gone past grieving and into a mental health issue.

vyseria wrote:

Grief is tough. It's just so hard to let go sometimes it's just easier not to. It's self preservation in a way. You're kind OP, and if it's not harming anyone else, I don't see the issue. You're not responsible for her grieving process and you won't be able to magically fix it. As my therapist said, it will be less painful one day, and it's ok if today is not that day.

shay_gee wrote:

I wouldn’t tell her it’s a doll, like others said, it’s probably best to be neutral in your response to not encourage or negate her delusion, this might just be her way of coping. Maybe ask her how she is doing? Ask her if she has any family nearby or if it’s just her taking care of Toby?

It might be worth reaching out to someone close to her who can get her the help she needs. I feel so sad for her, I’m reading this as I hold my child, my whole world on my chest, I can’t even imagine my life without my kid. My heart breaks for her.

JanetInSpain wrote:

Don't tell her anything. Part of her knows it's just a doll. She's grieving and working through being able to let go. I truly hope she's getting the therapy she desperately needs, but your job is to either say yes or no to sitting. Don't correct her or "explain" to her in any way.

Comprehensive-Sun954 wrote:

I’d rather it was someone kind like you. It was going around there and not taking advantage of her and being kind to her. The risk is if you say no that the next person she calls won’t be as nice as you are.