"AITA or should my mother-in-law respect boundaries?"
I just had my first baby a week ago. MIL and I got along prior but never very close. Husband and I would visit her home often, but she’d never really visit ours. I recently had the first grand baby on both sides, mine and husbands. MIL is acting insane now and making me feel like she wants my baby. She has only ever had sons, no daughter. She wants to show up at my house everyday to ogle at baby.
It’s getting exhausting because I’m recovering from emergency c-section and not comfortable with her being around so often given that she works in a factory and could bring to my home some sort of sickness to my newborn baby. Husband enforced a boundary; no visitors until baby has been to the doctor's and we’re ready.
MIL seems to blame me for this and is now acting out. She drops by to drop things off at my front door in an effort to “help us," which comes off desperately as an attempt to see if we’ll open our front door and let her in to be with baby. On a recent visit, she caught me outside and asked how her daughter is doing.
I was confused because she doesn’t have a daughter, then I realized she was asking about my baby. She then started telling me about all of these plans she has for my child, including throwing a party for her in December so she can be passed around a room with all of her friends and how next summer her family from overseas will come to care for baby.
Not once did she ask me, or my husband, the baby’s parents if we are comfortable with any of this. I live in Canada and took 18 months off to be with my baby. I don’t need anyone to care for her.
MIL calls me a few days later (she rarely ever checks on me) and starts asking me about her granddaughter and attempts to guilt trip me into saying how she misses the baby, how she talks to the baby’s photos and how she loves my baby more than she loves her sons. I calmly told her that my daughter is mine and her son’s child and she needs to back off and give us our space to be parents.
I also told her that we didn’t have this child for her, we had this child because we were ready to be parents. I explained our boundaries and that she needs to respect them and any plans she has she must run by my husband and I first. She seemed to understand but I still feel so uneasy about her.
She seems insane now with all of those things she said about my daughter and it’s starting to build resentment in me as her DIL. I’m not even 2 weeks pp and I feel so drained by how she’s acting. AITA or should she respect boundaries?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Common_Community3963 said:
You just had a baby and set reasonable boundaries. MIL overstepping and guilt-tripping is not okay your child and your space come first. Stay firm.
Miserable-Ad4733 said:
NTA. I’m so sorry this must be really tough for you, especially while recovering.
Ok_Cherry_4585 said:
NTA. Nothing makes me cringe more than hearing a grandparent refer to their grandchild as "their baby" Eww! It completely disrespects the whole pregnancy/childbirth experience that the ACTUAL mother just went through. I love my daughter in law (honestly as much as my son) she's terrific. I cannot imagine treating her like that.
No_Scientist7086 said:
NTA - and I’m glad your husband is setting these boundaries with her. At least you have him on your side.
MaeSilver909 said:
Respect yours and husband’s boundaries. Maybe your husband can get his father or other family members to speak with mother.