'AITA for shouting at my husband for letting my sister-in-law take our baby?'

"AITA for shouting at my husband for letting my sister-in-law take our baby?"

My (23F) SIL lives in the same building and has taken our 4-month-old baby for an hour at a time a few times. He’s usually within hearing distance, so if anything goes wrong, I can get there quickly.

Yesterday, I (30F) had an appointment and left the baby with my husband (35M). When I came back, I found out the baby was gone, and my husband told me my SIL had taken him to run errands with her.

I panicked and told him I wasn’t comfortable with it, he then explained but then shouted at me because I wouldn’t let it go. So I started shouting at him back. He said I wouldn’t have seen my phone during the appointment and thought it was fine since she’s looked after the baby before.

I swore at him as he got angry back at me, but I was just panicking because she doesn’t have much experience with babies and she’s only looked after him indoors so far.

For context, she’s joked before about things like wanting to throw water in his face when he cries and gets offended if he cries with her but he’s just a baby and made me uncomfortable. Sometimes she’ll also take him out my hands while I’m holding him without asking me which annoys me. AITA for losing my temper?

Here's what people had to say to OP:

UnderstandingAble194 said:

Nta for losing your temper this time but why would you still give this person access after they joked about harming your 4 month old? You know he can't tell you what she does to him when they are alone right? Protect your child please.

Only_Music_2640 said:

Your husband is too lazy and uninvolved to watch his own baby while you are at an appointment? Isn’t that the real issue?

AdSuitable4093 said:

YTA. If you never told your husband you don’t feel comfortable having his sister watch the baby you have no leg to stand on in your argument. The problem wasn’t that you initially were upset that she took him, the problem is that you wouldn’t let it go which led to the shouting match.

curiousity60 said:

YTA. Your SIL has watched the baby before. Your husband trusts her. You massively overreacted. You created the whole fight and screaming match by harassing your husband rather than accepting what's done is done. You blame your feelings for your punishing your husband for making a parental decision while you weren't there.

We can't control what mixed feelings wash over and through us. We CAN regulate them by choosing which ones to focus on, amplify and choose to act upon. Behavior is a choice. You chose to attack your husband. I hope this isn't a regular thing for you. It's a toxic reaction to his perfectly normal autonomous behavior.

Runneymeade said:

NTA. Your husband was watching the baby when you left, but the baby was gone when you got home? And he yelled at YOU for being unhappy about the situation?! I recommend you two do some counseling to learn how to not yell at each other when you disagree. And your husband needs to take a parenting class ASAP. Cut SIL off from unsupervised babysitting.

just_call_me_kitten said:

YTA. Your husband is just as much of an equal parent as you are, and has every right to allow his sister to spend time with the baby. By your own admission he was working from home while parenting baby, and you never told him about his sisters comments as you yourself never took her seriously. I think you might need some counseling.