'WIBTA if I showed up at my boyfriend's grandma's house with the cops to get my stuff back?'

"WIBTA if I showed up at my boyfriend's grandma's house with the cops to get my stuff back?"

Earlier today, or yesterday now I woke up to find that I was blocked by my boyfriend on all social media apps as well as my number. We had been living together for almost two years (together for 3) in the flat connected to my family home.

He'd had conflict with my family because he was unemployed for 8 months. In late October he decided to move out. This caused some problems between us because he made the decision unilaterally.

He decided to move in with his grandma who lives around 3 hours away with normal traffic. She's been having some serious health issues and needed extra help.

As some context, she had previously kicked him out for something minor and that's how we started living together in the first place. He moved out in early November and we hadn't seen each other since then.

Recently I'd been taking issue with him not contacting me for days at a time besides a simple hello or for him to ask me for money. He'd been able to reapply at his old job in his grandma's city, but he hadn't been paid.

So I was still helping with miscellaneous bills. I repeatedly brought up the issues of money and staying in contact. After that he told me how stressful it was being his grandma's caretaker and dealing with his own toxic family at the same time.

We ended that conversation by agreeing to contact each other more often and making plans for our first visit since he moved out.

The next night we began working out the details for his visit. He wanted to stay 3 days. I wanted him to stay for 4. I wanted an extra day because he doesn't drive and I would be making the commute both ways. He was very firm in not wanting to stay an extra day because he was worried about his grandmother.

He made a point to say that the other family members couldn't be around like he was and he thought she was getting worse. Working in healthcare, I offered to look over her beforehand to ease his worries.

But he was even more unconvinced. I was honestly feeling really jealous, so I blew him off and ended the conversation with "whatever". Literally just that one word.

Then I woke up the next morning and I was blocked. I even attempted to call him from my sister's phone and when he heard that it was me he immediately blocked my entire family too. No ranting. No cursing. No explanation. Not even an "I'm breaking up with you".

He has a lot of my clothes and things at his grandma's and I have a lot of his clothes and things still in our flat. I'm also paying off his phone and his phone plan. I tried to be rational.

Like holding on to the sliver of rationality that I had and emailed him about what he wanted to do. He told me to throw everything away and stop paying the bill.

I can't exactly ask him for my things back now. I'm apprehensive about dropping in and shocking his sick grandma in her condition but WIBTA if I just showed up to his grandma's house with the cops and demanded my things?

Let's see what readers thought:

asgha78i writes:

NTA for your plan but I’m not sure the cops will get involved in something like this. Question: do you have any mutual friends who might be able to bring his stuff to him and get your stuff?

This presumes the ex bf would not keep any of your stuff, of course. Also, how much stuff are we talking about here? In some situations, it’s easier to cut your losses, and consider it all gone, then go ahead and hold a bonfire with his stuff. Just offering that because you mention the grandmother is in fragile health.

If she’s not an ass, do you want her to be traumatized with cops? If you do, then go for it! Sounds like you’ve got your life back, which is the biggest gift. If he comes crawling back, I hope you remember how you feel right now and tell him to pound sand.

valrieguy writes:

I may have a hot take here and get downvoted into oblivion but, YTA and definitely YWBTA if you showed up with the cops.

"I wanted him to stay for 4. I wanted an extra day because he doesn't drive and I would be making the commute both ways. He was very firm in not wanting to stay an extra day because he was worried about his grandmother.

He made a point to say that the other family members couldn't be around like he was and he thought she was getting worse. Working in healthcare, I offered to look over her beforehand to ease his worries.

But he was even more unconvinced. I was honestly feeling really jealous, so I blew him off and ended the conversation with "whatever". Literally just that one word."

Excuse me? This man is literally his GRANDMOTHERS care taker. Not his mother but grandmother. Where the heck is his dad or mom and why are they not helping take care of their parent? Do you truly understand what it means to be someone's caretaker? It absorbs your whole life.

You have to be there every second of the day because something can happen at any time. For someone who works in health care you seem to be oblivious to what it means to be the sole care taker of an elderly person.

He likely said no to your help because he doesn't want to burden you with the drive or the effort it takes to do such a thing. It's a monumental task for someone who sounds like they can't be older than 30, MAYBE 40.

You wanted to take him away from his grandma for more time than he was comfortable with. This is his family. Do you not have any sympathy? Empathy? Instead of showing genuine concern for his obvious anxiety, your response is "whatever"? How self centered and selfish.

What are you jealous of? He's spending more time with his grandma than you? Even if grandma isn't dying or health is failing, this is incredibly callous and insensitive. He is obviously under extreme stress and is shutting down inside. He needed you to be there for him and your support. You gave him a cold shoulder and cruel response.

Find a way to ask/get your stuff back without involving the police. The man is obviously going through enough as it is.

silasbark writes:

WIBTA if you showed up at your boyfriend's grandma's house with the cops? Yes, you would be. While it's understandable to be upset and want your belongings back, showing up with the police could escalate things unnecessarily, especially when there’s no clear indication of theft or a criminal issue. It could cause more harm to his sick grandma and lead to unwanted drama.

A more reasonable approach would be to calmly reach out to him (through email or other channels) to request your things back. If he refuses, you can seek legal advice or contact local authorities to help resolve the matter in a less confrontational way.

It's important to handle this with some level of respect for his family and to ensure you're taking the right legal steps rather than escalating things emotionally.

waywar7 writes:

ESH. Him for obvious reasons. But, I think it’s a bit much to jump straight to bringing the police. Email him and tell him what day and time you will be there to collect your belongings, and let him know that if he doesn’t allow you to get them then you will have to involve the police.