'AITA for showing up at a house where my BF's car was parked after he lied about where he was?' UPDATED

"AITA for turning up at the house my partners car was at? (When he told me he was going somewhere else)"

Me and this man had been together for just over 3 years. I suspected nothing. He told me he was going over to one of his guy friends houses (a guy friend who I know, and who's house I know) He left and around 2 hours later my friend text me saying "who does (partner) know who lives on (street name)?" I said "As far as I'm aware? Nobody. Why?"

She told me his car was parked in the drive way of a house on a certain street in our town. So clearly he wasn't at his friends house.

I don't know if this is "psycho" behavior, but I asked her for the address, and I went there, I don't know why I didn't text him first or anything like that to see if he'd lie, or maybe he and his friend had gone to another person's house, I have no idea, but as soon as my friend said that, I just got in my car and went to see if it was his car.

It was. I sat down the street and THEN text him asking if he was having a good time, he text back straight away and said he was, and that he and his friend were building his new PC together. So I knew instantly he was lying.

I went over to the house and knocked on the door, a woman answered, I had no idea who she was, but I could tell by the way her face dropped that she knew exactly who I was. I kept my shit together and just said "Tell him his shit will be on my front lawn when he wants to come and get it" and I left.

Another hour passed and he came home while I was gathering up his things. He had the nerve to instantly start kicking off at me, telling me that me going there was "psycho" and that I was crazy for pulling that stunt, I didn't say anything, just carried on gathering his things, he kept telling me to stop, and I didn't, he got in front of me and said STOP!

And that's when I lost it, I shoved him away from me and started crying, told him to get his shit and get out. I then locked myself in my office room and waited for him to leave.

This happened last night. Some of his sh!t is still here, he didn't take much, seems he just took a bunch of his clothes and his toiletries. Haven't heard from him, and I haven't text him either. But was I the a**hole for turning up to this house he was at?

What do you think? Was her behavior "psycho" or totally understandable and justified? AITA? This is what commenters had to say:

kevnmartin said:

NTA. Throw his stuff on the lawn and change the locks.

fatbean100 said:

You know you weren’t.

OP responded:

For turning up there, though? I don't think I'm an a$$hole in the situation as a whole. But he made me feel like me going there was absolutely psychotic behavior, and I really wondered if it was, and if anyone here would have done the same.

FullFrontal687 said:

NTA be thankful you have good friends who have your back. Your ex was so desperate that he went with the idea that a good defense would be a good counter offense." You are insane to come here and catch me red-handed right in the middle of cheating!" LOL.

Unlucky-Captain1431 said:

That chicks face said it all. The disrespect is palpable.

Sensitive_Belt7301 said:

Whatever he left, lightly spray with milk. Just a fine mist over all of his stuff. Box it up and have him come get it. You weren't crazy for showing up. He lied to you and got caught, end of story. You wouldn't of shown up if he wasn't lying and sneaking around.

Individual_Cloud7656 said:

NTA but if he also lives there you won't be able to just kick him out and if you destroy his property it's a crime. Don't make things worse for yourself.

OP responded:

I live in the UK. He lives here, but it's my house, not his. He has no rights to my property. His stuff will be in bin-bags and will be safe in my garden, at least, not that he deserves that. So his property won't be destroyed. I just don't want it in my house.

LisaLuxor said:

I say this with kindness…why do you care what this lying, cheating, gaslighting POS thinks is “psychotic”? Psychotic is getting caught in the act and projecting blame onto someone you’re supposed to love.

And OP responded:

I don't know, tbh 😮‍💨 Youre right.. I'm just hurt at the moment, and my head is a little mashed.

She later shared this update:

Thought I'd give a small update. He text me late last night asking if we could talk. I said no. He showed up at my house at 7:30 this morning to get more of his things. He was quiet, and then asked again if we could just talk for a minute? I told him to say what he needed to say.

He said sorry (lol) and proceeded to tell me that he "was going to tell me." Turns out he's been seeing this girl for the last 4 months. He said he wasn't happy in our relationship, but couldn't/wouldn't give me any good reason why, so my guess is that he literally just got bored of me after 3 years, This girl is a lot younger than me, so thats another reason why i think he decided he wanted her more than me.

Even though he gave no signs that he was unhappy. When i say i didnt suspect anything, i mean that.. I told him that if he was unhappy, he should have broken up with me. THEN started seeing this girl instead of cheating on me. He said "it was complicated."

In regards to people's saying and questioning in the comment's why my friend would even bother texting me asking why my partners car was parked in the drive of some random house, I don't know what to tell you?

We live in a fairly small town, she happened to be driving down this street because she was delivering something to someone's house because she was selling something on FB market place, and she clocked his car (he has a unique colored car) and just decided to ask me who he knew who lived on that street.

I don't think that's too odd of a thing to do, personally. Especially with us living in a smaller town. It was dumb on his part if anything.

To those questioning did I really not suspect a thing. No, honestly, I didn't. His friend, who he said he was going to visit, is someone he visits often and always has in our relationship. (This guy friend of his, his best friend, it turns out knew he was fucking around with this girl. So he's another @$$hole.)

I don't know why I instantly went over to this house. It was nothing to do with me "subconsciously suspecting he was cheating." I literally didn't have a clue. I just did what I did on pure curiosity alone, because in that moment, it was clear he'd lied to me, because he said he was going to his boys house, and he obviously didn't.