'AITA for showing up to Mother’s Day when my SIL warned me she would make a scene if I did?'

"AITA for showing up to mother’s day when my sister in law warned me she would make a scene if I did?"

My sister in law, “Cleo” tried to tell me that nobody wanted me around for Mother’s Day. She insisted I drop off my husband (her brother), and if I came with him, she would make it everyone’s problem. My husband, Ryan, said that he wanted me to be there as well, and he knew my MIL would also want that.

Ryan is aware of my conflict with Cleo, as he was dragged into it. He is disabled, and she believes she needs to protect him from me. It stems from her not approving of our open marriage and not trusting Ryan’s lived experience. She tried to confront me over it and ended up looking foolish. I’m sure it’s partially a bruised ego.

Well Cleo told me that I’d better not show up and ruin everyone’s day. I have a good relationship with my MIL and I made her a little stained glass piece of lilacs (her favorite flower). My plan was to arrive with Ryan, seek out MIL to give her the gift, and make sure that she did want me there. I’d leave if she didn’t. It’s her day, not Cleo’s.

We showed up, MIL was very happy to see us, hugged us both and brought us inside. I gave her my gift, she loved it and immediately put it up in her kitchen window. Cleo cornered me and asked me why I’d shown up when she clearly told me not to come, and said that MIL deserved a nice time with her children without interlopers (my phrasing, hers was more… colorful!)

She continued to dig at me to the point that MIL asked her why. Cleo said that she’d warned me not to come. MIL asked Cleo to knock it off. Cleo doubled down and said that I am the problem, not her. MIL more firmly told her to knock it off, and whatever is going on between us, it’s just between us.

Cleo became very angry about that, grabbed her purse and left. The rest of us relaxed, but the vibe shifted. I feel terrible about putting a DARK cloud over Mother’s Day. Ryan said that it’s OK, Cleo was the one with the issue and she is alienating the family by thinking she knows best. He said he would try to talk to her again, but last time he tried, she wouldn’t listen.

The next day, Cleo sent me several long messages that can be summed up with “I do not trust you, and I will prove to everyone that you are no good, and you ruined Mother’s Day.” Was I really the wrong party in this situation for showing up, knowing Cleo would say or do SOMETHING? I mean, she did warn me, and n I showed up anyway. Even if she was the one to leave in the end, Cleo is her daughter, not me.

The internet did not hold back their thoughts one bit.

OldSaggyTitBiscuits wrote:

INFO: PLEASE explain what a #$ck cloud is and how one can get one of these? All kidding aside, your SIL is a psycho, NTA. Her actions are her own, there was no need for her to do anything, yet she chose to. Her mom and brother told her to stop, she didn't. that's all her. Hopefully your husband and MIL will continue to stick up for you, and maybe it'll stop.

OP responded:

I'm so glad you all have a sense of humor.

peppermint responded:

Oh wait did you do another post when she “caught” you the first time because I remember that.

OP responded:

Yep, that was also me.

PNWFan wrote:

Does he also see other people or does he think he needs to allow this due to his disability? Sounds like this is a one-sided open marriage.

OP responded:

He wanted to open the marriage because he cannot have sex very often, and he wanted to lift the "burden" from his mind so that when he does have good days, he does not have to spend his energy trying to prepare for a romp. We can instead focus on the things he wants to do instead, like socializing, walks, dinner out on the town, etc.

LanceWayne2024 wrote:

I read this 3 times and still didn’t find an answer to “does he also see other people”.

Apologies if you answered it elsewhere here.

OP responded:

He does not see other people. He doesn't want to.

owls_and_cardinal wrote:

INFO: Who hosted this party? Is it safe to assume it was your MIL, given the reference to her putting it up in her window? Who owns or has responsibility for the place where this event was held?

OP responded:

It's the family home, owned and operated since 1975 by my MIL.

t1nsad wrote:

This is the sister in law that saw you out with one of your other partners goofing off after you all had s#$ and she blew up the family group chat is this correct? I remember the story and still feeling bad for your husband that he has to deal with that.

OP responded:

This is the same sister, but she didn't blow up a family group chat. It was a group chat she added me to that included her own friends.

BmoreCurious85 wrote:

INFO: did Cleo plan / host this event? I’m gathering MIL hosted it from the story?

OP responded:

MIL did host, we were all guests.

savvyliterate wrote:

I read both your last post and this one. Absolutely not NTA, and my heart goes out to you. I know this is the last thing you want to do, but you and Ryan should discuss telling your MIL about the situation.

Because Cleo absolutely is going to tell her at some point, most likely very soon, and you two will lose control of the narrative once she puts her spin on it. You and Ryan have a very loving relationship, and I see a lot of my husband and myself in the two of you. Don't let Cleo try to destroy what you have with each other and what you have with your MIL.

OP responded:

Ryan is going to tell his mom when he speaks with her, we have just been workshopping how to approach it. They have a wonderful relationship, and she will be the absolute last to judge us for any of this. She's very open and has a bit of that hippy spirit in her. But of course, who wants to tell their mom about their s#$ual condition? Thank you for the kindness.

GreekAmericanDom wrote:

NTA. You are not responsible for how people choose to act. Also, if you negotiate with terrorists, the terrorists win. every time. Cleo is at fault for all of this. She created the drama. She ruined the day. You should continue to ignore her threats and make the choices you would have regardless of what she wants. Ultimately, she is going to piss everyone else off too.