'AITA for showing up to my boyfriend’s surprise birthday party even though his 'girl best friend' didn’t invite me?'
"AITA for showing up to my boyfriend’s surprise birthday party even though his 'girl best friend' didn’t invite me?"
I (27F) have been dating my boyfriend (28M) for about a year. Everything's been good overall, except there’s always been this one weird dynamic: his extremely close girl best friend, “T.”
They’ve known each other forever and claim it’s totally platonic. I’ve always tried to be cool about it made an effort, invited her out, etc. Anyway, his birthday was last weekend.
I had no idea anything was happening until his roommate texted me asking if I was coming to [bar name] that night. I had no clue what he was talking about, and he was shocked I didn’t know it was a surprise party that T had planned.
So I show up (alone, obviously), and T looks genuinely surprised to see me. She literally said, “Oh… I didn’t know [roommate] told you.” No apology. No “Oops!” Nothing. I stayed, mostly to avoid drama on my boyfriend’s birthday, but the whole thing was awkward.
I sat off to the side with some random cousin while T gave a whole speech about how “no one understands him like she does.” Cool. Later, I brought it up to my boyfriend, and he said it “wasn’t that deep” and that maybe she just assumed he had told me.
But… it’s his surprise party. Wouldn’t you assume your girlfriend should be there?? Now I’m wondering if I should’ve just left the second I found out I wasn’t actually invited. I feel weirdly guilty, but also humiliated. AITA for showing up and making it known I wasn’t originally included? Or was that fair game since, y’know, I’m literally his girlfriend?
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
No girl, something seems really fishy about her, and your boyfriend being so nonchalant about it is also really weird. YOU HIS GIRLFRIEND weren't invited to his surprise party by the person organizing it. It's definitely on purpose, and the way she is acting the whole I'm the only one who understands him is kinda all really weird. I'm just getting some bad vibes.
I think so more discussion needs to be had with you and your boyfriend. But I'd definitely keep an eye on her cause she seems really off to me. This whole situation is weird it's clear she intended for you not to be there at your own boyfriend's birthday party.
You are not the AH girl she definitely is, though, and I'd mention that more to your boyfriend and about how she was acting. Especially if the behavior does concern you, you should make your feelings heard.
19Mel92Agreed!! Something fishy is definitely going on there. Your bf should have your back and should have understood how it was wrong of her not to invite you. Update me.
It’s not that deep. You’ve got a bf problem as well.
He‘s gaslighting and disrespecting you. Let „T“ keep him!
Break up with him, tell him „it‘s not that deep“. NTA.
This type of men are never worth it. He will cheat on you at one point and you will have to fight everyday with his pet/mistress to have attention and respect. Run, he already show that you are second place.
Only one clarification is needed here. Ask him if it's acceptable not yo invite a boy/girlfriend of a year to a birthday party. His answer will tell you everything you need to know about his commitment to you.
NTA for showing up and staying, But are you sure you are his girlfriend? It doesn’t seem like too many people at the party were missing his GF. I understand that he is your BF, but those things are not always reciprocal.
Either way you need to tell him he needs to decide if you are his girlfriend, and if you should be respected. He should not allow anyone to disrespect you. If this was one of his guy friends would he allow them to mistreat you?
If the boyfriend can’t see it then it’s because he doesn’t want to. This exact thing comes up once a week on here and it always ends the same way. I would think long and hard about how long you want to put up with this because honestly it won’t change.
NTA. But you need to realise your the third wheel in this relationship. The only appropriate response from BF would have been to have words with T telling them that you are his chosen partner and excluding you is not acceptable. Don’t fight for him he will always choose her. Let her have him and move on. She will enjoy seeing you upset she will enjoy seeing you fight for him.
I would take the L on this one. He doesn’t respect you if he’s ok with her behavior. You will avoid a lot of future drama. Imagine wedding planning and he wants her involved. Some juice isn’t worth the squeeze.
NTA.........you ruined HER game........... well done. She knew damn well what she was doing. And if your boyfriend wasn't at all surprised that YOU weren't invited by his "good friend" who knows the two of you are dating.............Uhhhhh, hellooooooo? McFly? Suss. She specifically excluded you from his "surprise party"? No, she specifically excluded you from their date.
NTA for showing up. She's the ah for not inviting you and he's (your bf) is an ah for not acknowledging that it's weird you weren't invited. As the gf you should be invited to celebrate your bfs birthday.
I don't think letting it drop the night of was a bad call. However I would re-address the issue with your boyfriend in future. He needs to know his friend is icing you out purposefully and that's not cool with you.
And if he tries to continue to dismiss your feelings on the subject instead of admitting that her behavior was rude at best and inappropriate and malicious at worst then you have a bf problem and I would reconsider the situation and whether you can handle being disrespected by the both of them continuously going forward, because this is probably just the tip of the iceberg tbh.