Sibling tells sister: 'if you want to give people 'second chances,' put your own neck on the line.' AITA?

"AITA for telling my sister that if she wants to give 'second chances' to people then she should put her own neck on the line?"

My sister Zoey is nice to a fault. She gives others second chances, but she’s too trusting with the people she gives second chances to, and it winds up having consequences for whichever family member Zoey convinces to stick their neck out for.

My grandparents were talking about needing a cleaner, and Zoey asked them to hire a friend Ash. After several months, my grandparents learned that Ash had been pocketing my grandma’s jewelry. Zoey had recommended Ash’s cleaning services for our grandparents’s friends, and now we suspect that she’s stolen from them too.

Zoey made an excuse that Ash was a good person but that she had a bad home life and only took the jewelry because she’s trying to get away from her parents. My grandparents were not amused and said Ash was lucky because that was the only reason that they didn’t report her.

Later, Zoey recommended a friend Lilly as a babysitter for our brother’s son “Max.” According to Max, Lilly was on her phone the whole time, and Max was on his own for dinner. Max claims that Lilly was actually mean to him, and my nephew isn’t the type to make up something like that.

Zoey made an excuse that Lilly’s boyfriend broke up with her and she’s a good person but just having a hard time. (I rolled my eyes at how a “good person” would ever feel better about herself by being mean to a child.) Michael was obviously pissed at Zoey for recommending Lilly.

Zoey kept trying to push me to talk to him and agree that she was right. I eventually got fed up and told Zoey how I get she wants to give people second chances. But no one she recommends is ever trustworthy.

And she should try putting her own neck on the line so she’ll get why we’re so annoyed with taking the consequences of her kindness and then her coming and trying to make us agree that she did a good thing.

After that, our parents reached out to me. They said that they understood me and Michael being frustrated, and they would talk to Zoey about being naive. But she was trying to do a good deed. And I should apologize to her because, no matter the circumstance, it’s a crummy thing to put down a person who had the best of intentions.

One could argue that this is none of our parents’ business, as we’re all adults now. But our parents typically stay out of our business. This is one of the only times our parents gotten involved in any of our disagreements, so now I’m torn between if I should apologize or hold my ground.

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

Balawulf said:

You weren't even nasty about it. Apologize to her if you feel bad to mend fences but definitely hold your ground on her taking accountability. NTA. My mother's jewelry includes a lot of mementos, some of them over a hundred years old. I can't even fathom some lowlife that passed as a "friend" stealing that from her because I trusted the wrong person.

lemon_charlie said:

NTA. Zoey's generosity needs to be tempered with some common sense, justifying theft and neglect with a bad situation and a sob story is being a doormat to these people and she's going to burn bridges with legit good people if she doesn't address it. If she doesn't change she's going to remain being naïve and losing the connections that are of benefit to her.

nerd_is_a_verb said:

NTA. Your story makes it very obvious that Zoey is NOT nice to a fault because she is using you and your brother and whoever else as tools to inflate her own ego instead of actually helping you. The only people she is helping are her friends and herself. She’s actually quite immature and selfish.

Psycho_Cupcake13 said:

NTA. This is an issue between you and your sister. Not you and your parents. Your sister can give all the second chances she wants to but that doesn't mean other people have to.

Traditional_Fun7712 said:

NTA. A good deed isn't a good deed when it leads to terrible outcomes. Stealing from your grandparents and their friends? Leaving a child to starve? Your sister is beyond naive, she's actively harmful in recommending these awful people.

Madmattylock said:

NTA. What you told her was dead on. She needed to hear it. Tell your parents they should take on the full repercussions of her good intentions.