'AITA for telling my sister she doesn't have a family, she has a circus?'
"AITA for telling my sister she doesn't have a family, she has a circus?"
The other day my sister (36f) was complaining to me that her family is chaos and she doesn't understand why everyone can't get along and why they never have a truly good moment while everyone together. I listened to her for around 20 minutes and she told me I was being quiet.
My response was that she clearly needed to vent and I didn't want to interject. That was mostly true but I also think my sister is a little insane for thinking she'd get to have a nice neat little family given the craziness in her family.
For context: My sister had her first child at 18, my nephew Shane (18m). She dated Shane's dad for a while and found out when Shane was 1 that her boyfriend had another girl pregnant and so they broke up. My sister and the other mother both got arrested for fighting.
And she swore she would never let that woman or her child near Shane. She got married at 21 and had two more kids Kadie (15f) and Rye (13m). She filed for divorce straight after Rye was born and her ex-husband is nowhere in sight since. A year later she met another man, who had a baby with someone.
My niece Lily (12f) is not my sister's bio child but she raises her as her own (though unofficially since she's not adopted). Kadie got married again had Milo (9m) with that husband and got pregnant with Sage (7f) while married but her ex-husband is not the father. Her youngest bio (so far) is Nile (5m) and his father is not in the picture either.
My sister is married again. Her husband has two kids from his first marriage and two kids from his second marriage. He also has a child in his life who is not his biological kid. Doesn't get along with his biological kids. But he treats this child like his own.
The household has many complicated relationships and divided loyalties. There are complications with some of the other parents involved and other children involved. It's too long and complicated to get involved in.
But even among my sister's children, they are not all cohesive close siblings and some resentments exist for one reason or another. Anyway, Lily was venting to me. She said nobody she knows has a family so incapable of getting together as hers.
She asked me why I thought that was and I said very blended families are more complex. She told me there are people with bigger blended families than hers. I told her bigger doesn't always mean having as many others involved as hers.
Then she said again they're all a family though and they act like they don't want to be and that's when I said probably because it's more of a circus than a family. My sister told me that was really unkind and untrue, that they are a family, even if others can't see it. She told me she expects an apology from me before we can speak again. AITA?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
No_Construction_1096 said:
NTA - Dear god, I had less trouble following genealogy of Elden Ring characters than your sisters lineage. I am giving you the NTA verdict because, although your comment could be understood as rude.
Her life is obviously about perpetuating same mistakes and having same outcome at the cost of kids happiness in the end. I know someone who did that to his kids and their kids can't get along because they made a circus out of their lives.
paul_rudds_drag_race said:
NTA you mean to tell me that a revolving door of baby daddies doesn’t make for a stable family dynamic? I think she needs a different hobby.
Individual_Ad_9213 said:
NTA. She pressed you to explain yourself and you told her what you were thinking. In these sorts of conversations, you can't expect people to chose their words carefully; they just say what comes to mind. If she didn't want to know, she shouldn't have asked.
NinjaDefenestrator said:
More stepparents should listen to their siblings and/or relatives watching from the sidelines. They always have good advice in these stories, but somehow the stepparent never listens and takes offense at any logical suggestions. NTA.
Advanced-Pear-8988 said:
NTA- you’re right it’s a freakin circus I got a headache reading about her kids and failed marriages/relationships.
OneVast4272 said:
Sigh. NTA but just apologize and move along. There’s no winning in any situation, you might as well still stay on good terms with your sister. Honestly I don’t feel like you lose anything over a fake sorry - your sister seems like she lost everything and might have few more losses down the road. Just depressing honestly.
cryssylee90 said:
NTA. At the end of the day your sister created this mess. And it’s not necessarily about the number of kids she has or even the number of fathers they have. It’s her APPROACH.
To be blunt sister is prioritizing sex over her kids. The constant changing of situations, the new man every couple of years, the new kids in and out, she’s mentally up her kids and all she cares about is whether or not they get along.