Sibling-of-the-bride suggests that she should follow parents' advice for brother with ADHD time blindness. AITA?
AITAH for saying that my sister should follow my parent's suggestion when it comes to her wedding?
My sister is getting married. Instead of doing a big traditional affair her and her fiancé opted out of all the normal wedding things. They are going to the registry office to sign the papers and then they are going out to dinner. They invited me, my parents, my brother and her fiancé's dad to witness them signing the papers and to eat dinner with them, because they both have to work the following day.
We all think this is a great idea and are happy for them. There is just one thing my parents suggested. My brother struggles with time blindness. It is debilitating to him. Even if he sets alarms or reminders or takes medication for ADHD, it still affects his life. It has affected his jobs and his relationships. I am not exaggerating when I tell you how much it affects him.
He is currently out of work because of it and he has missed things such as flights, sporting events and other life events because of it. I cannot stress how debilitating it is for him even if he has someone there reminding him and trying to get him out the door on time.
Here's the issue: the registry office is so busy that you are required to make an appointment, you cannot just walk in. It is the same for the place my sister and her fiancé want to have dinner at. A reservation is required.
Knowing that my brother has trouble because of his time blindness, my parents suggested that instead of going to that particular registry office and that particular place for lunch, my sister and her fiancé should instead go to a different registry office.
It is not far away or anything and this one does not require appointments, it allows walk-ins. There are also many restaurants near this registry office and none of them require reservations. This way we wouldn't have to miss their appointments because of my brother. It would work for everyone.
I thought it was a good idea, however my sister was incensed when my parents brought it up. Even though the other registry office is only one village over and going there would not change anything she said that she won't allow our brother's issues to dictate the day. Further she said that rather than missing the appointment if my brother was late, they would go on ahead and if he misses it that is not her problem.
I couldn't believe or understand why she was so incensed and neither could my parents. I thought their suggestion was a good idea. It would allow my sister to get married on Thursday like she wants to without my brother's issues causing the appointment to be missed. AITAH, I ask because I genuinely thought my parents made a good suggestion that would work well for everyone.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
JuliaX1984 said:
So how often does everyone in the family have to rearrange their plans and organize their life around your brother? YTA and so are your parents. You can't have a "walk in" anything when it involves multiple people gathering.
What, are they just supposed to walk in and sit there for hours until your brother possibly manages to show up? If you and your parents want him there, assign someone to be your brother's handler the day, wake him up, hand him the clothes to put on, take him to the car by his hand, and drive him, and stop making another's wedding day about him.
Inside-War8916 said:
Yta, and so is everyone aside from the engaged couple. Tell your your brother to be on time or drive him yourself. And stop trying to control the few requests this couple has for their wedding.
Mountain_Cat_cold said:
YTA. It is their wedding and they are really not being unreasonable here. "This is what we are going to do, we would be happy if you would join us". And then you all try to get them to do it differently. It's not like we're talking bridezillas with unreasonable expectations.
If you are so concerned about your brother's condition and find it important that he joins, you or your parents should go get him. Don't put the burden on the couple getting married ffs! Like she said, he does not get to dictate the day.
Careless-Ability-748 said:
Yta the couple should do what they want to do for their wedding and not rearrange every thing for your brother. It's not his wedding.
Careful-Self-457 said:
YTA- either your brother is on time or he stays home. The rest of the world is not going to wait for your brother, either he learns to be on time or he misses out. I would have been furious about that ask too. Hell, the wedding could not be simpler and you want to change it to accommodate someone who cannot be on time?
Ok_Friend9574 said:
YTA this smacks of years of everything being adjusted to suit your brother. Sometimes after being the last to be considered or everything being organised around someone else and you suffering for it you just snap.
It looks like your sister snapped, whole time blindness is a thing it seems like all your family have ever done is excuse it and get everyone else to excuse it rather than coming up with strategies to help your brother cope.
Grouchy_Direction123 said:
“Time blindness” cracks me up. YTA. Your sister shouldn’t have to change the plans she made to accommodate an irresponsible person. If he can’t manage to adult enough to be there on time, he stays home. At this point, if I were your sister, I’d go ahead and carry out my plans without you since you all obviously favor your brother.