"AITA for telling my husband to suck it up?"

I am the main caregiver of our baby, 6 months old. I deal with a lot, including a medical condition that occasionaly paralyzes me from the neck down. It can take a few hours until I can move my hands when it happens, and sometimes even a whole day. My legs take longer.

For the last 2 weekends, suddenly my hubby gets a high fever, no other symptoms (not covid, we checked) and claims he is too sick to even watch the baby for a minute while I pee. Last weekend I gave him all the space he needed, went to my folks house, and took care of him every few hours whrn my parents watched the baby. I was frustrated, but I understood.

During the week he was ok again, worked till late and acted normal. Yesterday, few hours after I started getting paralyzed, he suddenly broke with a low fever again, crying out that he is sick and he can't take care of the baby. With only one arm working, I took care of the baby all night long, terrified that it would go paralyzed as well...

Whenever I begged for help, like change his diaper or make him a bottle, he yelled at me and got mad. This morning, I lost all my limbs again, and my jaw was stuck for an hour. After that, while he complains that he is too sick and I need to handle the baby all day, I yelled at him to suck it up and take care of his child because it is not safe at all!

I can't move my fingers, how can I keep a baby from falling, or feed him, or help him at all?! He got really offended, saying I should be more compassionate to his fever and how cold he feels, and find a way to un-paralyze myself so he can sleep. I got even more mad, considering how many doctors told me that I cannot stress myself out of it, or it gets worse.

He also said IATA, since it seems like I don't believe his mild fever is as severe as my condition. AITA for not agreeing with him and telling him to take some responsbility for his child?

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

Music_withRocks_In said:

Even if he wasn't faking, when you have a kid the kid comes first. Sometimes you have to take care of the kid when you are sick or hurt, it just happens. Kids bring a lot of colds home and everyone at home catches them. Every parent has to take care of a kid when they feel like crap, it is how it works.

The fact that he thinks he should get a pass because he has a fever (which is honestly the least crappy symptom you can have) even though is wife is PARALYZED is a sign he is a selfish asshole and a bad parent. But if he gets a fever again he needs to see a doctor. Reoccurring fevers are just not a normal thing, and he certainly wouldn't want to pass anything along to the baby, now would he?

goblin_kidd said:

This has to be rage bait. No one is genuinely that whiny and self centered and absolutely stupidly careless??? On the highly highly unlikely chance this is real youd obviously be nta. Your husband is absolutely useless and is pretty obviously faking sick to get out of parenting. You dont have a partner. If you dont get a partner, what's the point of being married?

EssexCatWoman said:

Oh my word NTA. He’s comparing a temperature with paralysis?! Does he actually believe your condition is real? And even if he does, why does he think YOU are the only one who should work through illness and discomfort? Is this a wider problem with him?

Miserable_Panda6979 said:

NTA. Why TF are you with this clown?

OP responded:

That is not the man I married. It was never like this before the baby was born.

FiciousVish said:

NTA. Men can def be big babies when they are sick but that is ridiculous. You being paralyzed out weighs whatever if he can still move. I cant believe you even had to ask this. If I'm sick, my wife takes care of most everything including the 2 kids. But if were all sick it's me taking care of everyone cos that's my job.

And Careful_Swan3830 said:

NTA I am curious though when he has these “fevers” is he the one checking his temp? Maybe doing it privately?

I had a method using a heating pad to get out of school (don’t judge me, I had untreated/undiagnosed agoraphobia) where I would hold the top of the thermometer to the heating pad on low heat until the temp was around 102° then go and show my mom how “sick” I was :cough cough: At any rate, body paralysis trumps fevers every single time.

OP responded:

He checks near me, so he isn't faking. But it's just 101°, I don't think it's super bad.

Edit from OP:

My paralasys happens every few months, and I know an hour beforehand that something is wrong. I always call my husband or my emergency babysitters (I have a few). It only happened once before today since the birth, and I wouldn't give birth if it wasn't under some control.

It is the first time in my marriage that he acts like this about my condition or the baby. I am not a neglectful parent just because I am disabled. I would contact family/babysitter before, but I couldn't move my fingers well enough to use the phone. I asked my hubby to call someone, but he refused because he was "too cold."

My SIL came as soon as I managed to pick my phone up. I just needed him to watch the baby until then, and after that.

Update:

SIL just returned the baby (she came to babysit once I managed to text her), he literally turned his back on us and told me he would help later. He didn't take care of the baby the last 11 hours, it was either me or his sister. I am furious and crying.

Second update:

His bloodwork results are back, he is sick for real. We wait for a doctor to diagnose if it's viral or otherwise. I still think it doesn't justify his behavior, or not bothering calling help. Tell me if I'm wrong.