'SIL is bitter her ex proposed to me and this got her banned from our family. AITA for this?'
"SIL is bitter her ex proposed to me and this got her banned from our family. AITA for this?"
Top_Sound3762
This may be a little confusing but I will try to make it as clear as possible. My (27F) fiance's ex is now my older brother's wife, so my SIL. To make it less confusing my fiancee is George, my brother is David and my SIL is Ella.
George (38M) briefly dated Ella (34F) 4 years ago. Ella wanted to get married and have kids but George did not want this with her. He was also having a lot of issues back then, partying, doing drvgs and not being the most reliable person.
They dated for 6 months and everything ended in drama because Ella was not able to make George want to settle with her. Soon after their breakup she met my brother and they got married 6-7 months after.
So yeah they moved really fast and basically Ella dated her ex, broke up with him, met my brother and got married to him, everything in only 1 year and a couple of months.
I met George 2 years ago and at that time Ella was already married to my bro. Back then I had no idea that George was Ella's ex. When George started to feel attracted to me he changed completely.
He quit drinking and doing drvgs (he has been sober ever since), started going to therapy and overall became a new person. He did this because he wanted to change and I have been with him during his entire healing journey. I am very proud of him and we have a healthy and amazing relationship.
Even if Ella was already married to my brother, she was furious when she found out I was dating George and that he was serious with me. She was so cruel and said a lot of nasty lies.
She used to tell everyone that George waa grooming me (I was 25 when we became a thing and he was 36, this is not grooming ffs), she lied that George was bad to me, trying to get me to become an add!ct like him and many other things. This ruined my relationship with my brother because he never did anything to make her stop.
George and I announced our engagement to my family last week during my dad's birthday. My parents were happy for us but Ella said "It must be nice to be the one to get the ring after someone else struggled to fix him".
Again no reaction from my brother as usual. My parents told her to stop but I just snapped and told her something along the lines "He fixed himself you POS, and yes it is nice to know I will be married to the man I love more than anything and who loves me the same.
But how is it for you knowing that no one else except my idiot brother ever wanted to marry you? Does it feel nice?". My parents kicked them out after this. They told her that everybody had enough of her BS, she is insane because although being married she is still bitter over the fact that her ex did not want her.
She is officially banned from every family event and my brother is now blaming me. So AITA in this situation? I don't think I am honestly but I want to also hear some unbiased perspective.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
KrofftSurvivor
NTA - but has anybody ever suggested to your brother that he get therapy? His wife has spent the past two years telling everyone within range that she is extremely bitter about the fact that her ex is happily in a relationship with NOT HER. How is this not tearing him up?
TheMightyMisanthrope
Therapy? A divorce, an exorcism!
anivarcam
NTA. And honestly what the hell with your bother ?! Sounds like Ella just wanted to get married for the sake of being married, not because she was in love with David.
Your parents make the right call banning her, but be cautious and hire security for the wedding day, she may try to pull some shenanigans and cause drama. By the way, at 25+ grooming is non existent, you are a grown ass woman by then, so she is ignorante on top of all.
_Amilia
Oof, that’s a tough situation. Honestly, I get why you snapped—sounds like Ella has been throwing shade and stirring up drama for way too long. It's hard to stay cool when someone’s constantly attacking your relationship, especially when your fiancé has worked so hard to turn his life around.
But family stuff is tricky, and banning someone always makes things even messier. Maybe your bro feels caught in the middle, but Ella should’ve chilled with those comments a long time ago. You gotta stand up for yourself, but I hope y’all find a way to smooth things over eventually!
Murph10031960
The only thing I have to say is George fixed himself. You cannot fix someone, they have to want to become a better person. You may have given him a reason to be a better person, however he should be very proud of himself for improving his life. Clean and sober is not easy to accomplish!
SoCalThrowAway7
She only dated him for 6 months and she thinks she has claim to “the one who tried to fix him?” What a lunatic lol you didn’t do anything wrong NTA.
AdPrevious6839
NTA, I honestly don't get how your brother stays married to a woman who is not over her ex. I wonder how he can feel like he is even loved with the way she acts and speaks, frankly I feel bad for him that he is staying he must have extremely low self esteem!!