'AITA for telling my SIL she can’t bring her own food to family dinner and not to talk about junk food around my kids?'
"AITA for telling my SIL she can’t bring her own food to family dinner and not to talk about junk food around my kids?"
I host a weekly family dinner at my house. It’s me, my husband, our two daughters (6 and 9), my MIL, and my SIL with her husband. My husband and I are heavier. We’ve always been bigger, we’re healthy, and at this point in our lives we’re okay with our bodies.
Our girls are average size for their age and have a normal, healthy relationship with food. My SIL and her husband are very into fitness. They go to the gym every morning, track macros, obsessed with protein. I personally find it a bit obsessive, but it’s their choice and not my business.
Every single week, they bring their own food in Tupperware containers and heat it up at my house instead of eating what I make. I usually make pasta or something similar because it’s easy when cooking for a group. They say my food doesn’t fit their macros and they want to stay on track.
I’ve asked them before if they could either eat beforehand or not bring food into my house because it feels rude to cook for people who won’t eat it. They kept doing it anyway, and I eventually let it go to keep the peace.
At the last dinner, my oldest daughter asked why her aunt and uncle bring their own food. My SIL said, To stay healthy. My daughter then asked why they couldn’t eat what we were eating, and my SIL replied that she can’t eat junk.
I didn’t say anything in the moment, but I was furious. Now my daughter is asking if our food is junk and if she should be worried about eating unhealthy things. I absolutely do not want my kids growing up afraid of food or thinking normal meals are bad.
After they left, I called my SIL and told her that she either eats what I make, eats beforehand, or doesn’t come at all and that she is never to talk about food like that around my children again.
She said, Okay, then we just won’t come. Some of my friends say I was too harsh and should’ve handled it more gently. I feel like I’m protecting my kids and setting a boundary in my own home.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
I am diabetic and cannot always eat what is served and often carry healthy (for me) snacks to supplement a meal if I cannot make a full meal out of what is served. I do not disparage the host. They were being rude, especially for their comments.
Even if they don’t have a ‘good’ reason for it, there are a million different ways you can explain it to kids. You can even make it funny and say ‘whenever I eat pasta I have to poop so much! I don’t want to stink up your house!’
Or just simply say ‘my body works a little different, which is sad for me because now I can’t eat the delicious food your mom made!’ Instead of giving kids negative view on food in general.
Read her replies. It seems she thinks no one in the family would like to eat roasted chicken, smashed potatoes and/or beans. She calls this crap food. So it seems they food she makes may really be junk.
NTA.. because she labeled your food as junk. She could have just said they were on special diets right now. I do hope your children are getting fresh fruit and vegetables. Lifetime Habits are formed now.
This 100%. I grew up on a not well rounded diet and never ate veggies and occasionally fruit if they were covered in sugar. Its 1 thing to call your food junk food, its another to explain fitness goals and macros.
Personally I wish someone would have taught me about macros when I was younger. I am at a stage that I know what I should do, just not comfortable with doing it. I'm searching to find someone to help me meal plan and count macros.
How hard is it for them to offer to bring a dish to share? They could just make and bring one of their favorite dishes to share and if they only eat their food, who cares. This is just a stupid situation that they are perpetuating and they need to check themselves with how they speak around children. They can “stay on track” without being AHs about it.
Perhaps you should turn the dinners into a potluck? They can bring enough for everyone, you can make enough for everyone, there's enough to go around with good choices available and you'll almost certainly have leftovers. It's a win-win.
Is there a reason the dinner is always at your house? Space? Convenience? Location? Maybe you can alternate if you aren't able to accommodate their diets even one dinner a month?
Calling what you cooked and provided 'junk' is rude af. She could've easily said it doesn't fit in their diet but she very obviously wanted to make the passive aggressive dig. That should be the topic in your conversation with her, not the quality of the food you provide for this weekly, multi-person gathering without any help from her.
ESH. She shouldn’t have called it junk, but you seem personally offended that your brother and SIL are dedicated to a healthier lifestyle. They aren’t asking you to cook for them. They’re asking to spend time with you. You have to get over them not wanting your food.
You invite people to supper and won’t make food they will eat?
YTA. For missing reasons that are buried in the comments. Your food: Pasta, red sauce, sausage, bread and a dessert. Her food: grilled chicken, vegetables, sweet potato and yogurt sauce. Of which you said no one would eat that crap and you wouldn't make it.
You want meat and carbs with no vegetables. They want variety with all the food groups and especially vegetables to make an appearance at the meals. You said you always want to host because easier for you because kids.
Could it be you always host because you don't want to eat the "crap" she cooks? And yet you want her to eat the "crap" you cook, when she was willing to bring her own food since you wont make food they can or want to eat, ever.
The solution which was what they were doing was for them to bring their own food and you eat your own food. Seems like you are in your feelings and not quite as comfortable with your size as you say you are.
It is actually not rude to bring your own food to a family gathering when the host refuses to make food the guests can eat. You may not like other people's diets, but you are supposed to respect their choices just like they should respect yours. You started it, she finished it. YTA.