'AITA for not wanting to abide my SIL dress code rules for the wedding?'
"AITA for not wanting to abide my SIL dress code rules for the wedding?"
AsparagusDry6582
My brother is getting married very soon and his fiance . My brother asked me to be one of his fiance bridal maids and that she’d like it too so I agreed. Her idea of our dress code is that she’ll personally design a dress that seems fitting for each bridesmaid (fits according to her).
It is not a “dress code” per se because everyone will have different colors and sequence the “code” here is that everything is according to the bride and her perception of her bridal maids.
The idea was interesting, not something I’ve personally seen. My surprise came when she asked us to pay for those dresses and renting wasn’t an option. Like I have to buy a dress that I might not like and will be stuck with it permanently.
Okay I was like I gotta trust her intuition and paid. Fitting day came, to her credit the dress was actually decent. Not what I would go for but still good and doesn’t hurt having it in my wardrobe.
The problem was that after wearing it for some minutes for so I started feeling itchy and when I took ot off my chest was full of rash. Apparently I'm allergic to the lining fabric of the chest and I didn’t know.
I called my SIL informing her that and she said we could have the lady change the lining. Unfortunately because the dress is already made we cannot alter it but she could make another dress sane design just change the inner lining and make it a bit loose.
Here’s a thing, I know that the lady is not going to create another dress for free, specially that the allergy wasn’t disclosed to her (I myself had no idea) so it’s not her fault.
So when my SIL asked for the money for the new dress I told her I can’t buy a new dress again. So I asked if I could withdraw from the bridal maids and wear a dress that I already own to not ruin the plan they have. But she told me she already wrote my name as a bridal maid on the card invitation and can’t change that so I have to be a bridal maid.
So I was like then can I wear a dress of my own and be a bridal maid since bridal maids don’t have the same theme the only common thing is that the bride designed the dress upon her perception. I told her she could choose any dress of my collection. However, she told me that it ruins her plans.
Here’s a thing. The first dress had a problem that’s not necessarily anyone’s fault but I still paid for it and never asked for a compensation even though I’ll be stuck with it and can’t wear it (I thought of gifting it honestly).
I sucked that fact up and didn’t complain but Im not willing to lose even more money. My SIL said I'm blaming her with my allergy but I'm not at all. I'm saying I’ve already lost money trying to accommodate her plans.
The failure is not her fault, but for a fact I lost money. I'm trying to compromise with her but she’s so onto the fact that I have to be a bride maid with a dress of her design.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
StAlvis
NTA "She told me she already wrote my name as a bridal maid on the card invitation and can’t change that." So what? A printed invitation is not a legal obligation.
The OP responded here:
AsparagusDry6582
Yeah and I also doubt guests are going to notice if I'm with the bridesmaids or not.
D20IsHowIRoll
NTA. For what it's worth, it's standard practice for a bridesmaid to pay for their dress. Sometimes they're great, sometimes they're not, that's the rub. You have reached the extent of being reasonably accommodating.
You purchased the first dress that is unfortunately impossible for you to wear. You offered to back out and just eat the cost. If it's that important to SiL that you're present as per this extremely important invitation, then they need to step up and help with the cost of dress #2. Otherwise, acknowledge the unfortunate turn of events, move just on.
rc3wondereftw
NTA. Your SIL sounds like she's being unreasonable. However, I kinda dealt with something similar for my SIL's wedding (God that was a trainwreck). She wanted these specific dresses and I dropped almost $500 for two dresses because the first one they sent was way too tight.
Their dresses ran small and they didn't accept refunds. What I would suggest is to try to sell the other dress to get your money back since you didn't wear it. That's what I did, and I got all my money back.
You'd be surprised who would buy it, especially with it being prom season right now. I've never heard of you not being able to drop out since you're already listed as part of the party. What if you get super sick? THAT'S the part that's unreasonable.
She sounds controlling to me. If I were you though, I'd try to sell the other dress and get a new one to please your sibling. You said she's the SIL right? Idk that's just my opinion. I understand the economy and shit is bad, and the bride should too, but I'd look into selling the dress since it's still prom season and you haven't worn it yet.
Lunar-Eclipse0204
You paid for one dress, the bride should help pay for the replacement... I will comment on this one Like I have to buy a dress that I might not like and will be stuck with it permanently. - If you really needed to, you could sell the dress online. NTA.
The OP again responded:
AsparagusDry6582
I also thought of that but I have no experience with online selling so what if I don’t sell by the time we the lady finishes the new dress? And what if I don’t sell at all?
Lizz196
NTA. But I would see if you could find a slip to wear underneath to see if that would cheaply help with the reaction. Usually I’ll wear these to make dresses flow better on my body or if the dress needs to a lining so as to not see my underwear. Some slips are knee length, some floor length, some cover your whole torso and go down some length. There’s a lot of different options!
ivypurl
NTA. I'm not sure where you live, but in my experience (I'm in the US) a bridesmaid would be expected to pay for her dress, so it's reasonable to me that the bride would expect you to do this.
However, once the dress didn't work, you made attempts to find a middle ground, and the bride has attempted to convert a printed invitation into something resembling a contract, which it is not.
At this point, it might be reasonable for you and the bride to split the cost of the replacement dress. It would suck for you to be out some more money, but discovering an allergy isn't really anyone's fault. Info: Have you discussed this with your brother at all? What does he think?
Also, about the allergy - it seems that it is triggered by the lining contacting your skin. Have you tried laundering/drycleaning the dress to see if that removes whatever chemical in the lining is causing the reaction?
Have you tried wearing a slip or other kind of undergarment to see if that is enough to keep you from having the reaction? Just trying to think of some possible alternatives to a second dress.