'AITA for asking my SIL what she's doing with her degree after she implied my university wasn't prestigious enough?'
"AITA for asking my SIL what she's doing with her degree after she implied my university wasn't prestigious enough?"
Last night my husband, our 2 year old daughter and I were at my in-laws. My sister-in-law and her husband and kids were there too. The topic of one of their cousin's kids going to university came up.
We talked about how going to a good university helps in networking. I mentioned how I had gotten my first Business Analyst job because my interviewer had also gone to U of T.
At this point my SIL chimed in with "U of T Mississauga right? So not the actual one?" My husband said politely that its the same thing and she just shrugged. I asked her where she went, she said she went to U of T and added St.George Campus.
I then asked how she's using her degree (I knew she is a SAHM so thats why I'm here; that might have been an AH thing to say). She said she chose to be a SAHM mom and kind of stopped talking to me.
My husband thinks I was out of line. Admittedly I didn't think it through when I said it, just said what came to my mind. He says her question was tactless but not malicious. I said it was rude and thats what mattered. And the premise of it was just wrong.
But I have been reconsidering it. She has texted him about how out of line I was. He's told her it was a misunderstanding between everyone and to let it go. AITA?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
NTA- she had something to say about the campus you went to and was 100% being rude because she felt like her’s was better. And your question was valid what is she doing with her degree? She sounds like one of those people who like to talk about everyone but can’t stand when it someone gives it back.
Big mouth and a thin skin is a bad combination...
Eh NTA. The U of T thing might not make sense to a lot of redditors. The St George campus is the main one, while Mississauga and Scarborough can be seen as lesser, which is what the SIL was likely implying here. Yes, OP went low but really only after the SIL did first.
NTA if you want to be snarky you best be prepared to get some in return.
NTA. I will always hate people who can dish it out but not take it. She wanted to put you down and couldn't deal with the clap back. In my opinion, rude is only the person who started it.
Sure, we could all be perfect adults and be above it all, but that's just gonna reinforce the rude behaviour. Your husband is like those teachers that will turn a blind eye until the bullied kid fights back.
NTA. She was rude and belittling to you simply based on the campus you went to. You gave as good as you got. If she can't handle it, she shouldn't dish it out. Why is your husband not having your back?
NTA - "not the actual one" is the clincher. It was passive aggressive and she knew what she was doing, not an innocent question. If someone's going to be rude to you then they should expect it back, I don't think what you said was any worse and you're under no obligation to just sit there and take it.
As a fellow torontonian: she makes no sense. The degree you get from U of T never lists your campus. It's the same damn school.
NTA. You matched her energy. No reason at all for her to try and -less than- your degree because of campus location, if she's feeling bad about her life she does not get to try and transfer that to you. It sounds like a pretty regrettable exchange all the way around, but, she fired first.
NTA though others are calling YTA. Rudeness gets met with rudeness. Someone said you were going lower than her? I don’t agree. You were just pushing back on her uncalled for aggressiveness and judgement based on your educational location. So go girl, call her out.
NTA. She was being mean spirited and condescending, and the intent was to put you down and make you feel small. How does your husband not see that that IS malicious?
People who are judgmental of others should be ready to face judgment themselves. Otherwise, they should keep their mouth shut. I also don’t see how she has the audacity to text you that you were out of line when she was out of line to begin with.
I feel like she started with the snarky comment and you replied in the same style lol.
If bet if she didn’t make her comment you wouldn’t say that to her lol.
NTA - she wanted to talk about college, she brought it up. You chimed in with (helpful!) commentary and then she went fake-nice to be catty. You brought up how actually getting a job and USING that degree matters when selecting job/career paths.
Could you have said it in a more polite way, sure. But you kept it to topic, you didn’t say “does your degree from that fancier campus help you keep your job as a SAHM?”
NTA - your husband is a dodo if he thought that your SIL comment was tactless. It was rude and definitely condescending and deserved a tit for tat remark. She didn’t need to make that comment. It was irrelevant to your story/point.