'AITA for not letting my SIL stay with us after she ruined my son's bday party?'
"AITA for not letting my SIL stay with us after she ruined my son's bday party?"
Idk if I’m even in the mood for judgement I’m honestly just tired right now and everyone’s making me feel like I kicked a puppy but whatever. I’m 34F married and we have a 7 year old beautiful son.
I am just going to be straight to the point... It was his birthday party in March. We did the usual backyard thing. Balloons, cake, got that one he always wants (white cake strawberry filling, I hate it personally but he loves it so who cares). Dino plates, bounce house that almost blew over in the wind. It was cute. He was excited.
I planned it for like two weeks, even though I work full time plus starting up a side business of making merch and my back has been killing me lately. He kept saying he wanted the “stegosaurus day” and he got it. He was so happy. (Mom power, just saying.)
Then my husband’s sister shows up. She’s 28 and a mess but like, whatever, she’s always been a mess. She brought her boyfriend, not even important and said they’d only stop by for an hour. She said that but then spent 40 mins arguing with him in my kitchen over some venmo charge?? I don't know. My son literally came up to me and said “Auntie Sara (not her real name) is yelling at the sink.”
After that she went outside, sat right next to the kids and lit a cigarette. Literally next to my kid who had frosting on his face still. And when I told her no smoking, she LAUGHED. and said it was “herbal” so it doesn’t count. Like...?? Ma’am there are literal 6 year olds here?!!
Then her boyfriend just...left. Mid party. She got mad. She started calling someone on speaker and yelling. My son got scared and CRIED cause he thought she was yelling at him.
He was asking if he was bad and I was trying to calm him down while also trying to serve cake that was melting because someone (maybe her?) unplugged the mini fridge to charge a speaker. I don’t even know anymore. I feel like a crazy person retelling this. Sorry I'm doing this at in the middle of friggin post party stress right now in my effin Samsung note thing.
Anyway. She left before we even did gifts. No I'M SORRY NO NOTHING. And now... NOW? She wants to stay at our place “for a week or two” because she’s between apartments.
No lease. My husband wants me to be the bigger person. He says she has nowhere else to go. but like...I don’t even have space for myself half the time. I work, I take care of our kid, I feed this whole house and now I’m supposed to babysit a full grown woman who throws fits and smokes mint leaves around children???
And now I’m the bad guy. My husband said “you’re acting cold.” Cold?? I’m TIRED. I haven’t had a full night of sleep in months. I have two jobs just CUZ YOU CANT GET ONE RIGHT NOW AHHHHHHHHHHHH...and now I snap and suddenly I’m cruel. Ok..
So. AITA?? I don't know. Probably. Maybe. Sorry for this post. I just don't know. Thanks for reading. I just needed to get it off my chest. I don't care if it gets down voted or just off...I'm just...in a downward spiral of a mess...and need an outlet. Sorry for writing this...
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
Wait. Husband is unemployed? Did I read that right? So you're supporting everyone, trying to establish a side gig, making your son's birthday dreams come true while husband and his sister make demands and ask YOU to be the bigger person? Oh, hell no. Frankly, even if your husband split chores and bills I wouldn't want that train wreck of a sister living with me and my kid. NTA.
NTA. Do you have somewhere else to stay- family nearby? You are the only person working and your jobless husband wants to add this abusive AH to your plate. Tell him if she moves in, you are moving out and he can let his sister support him and pay the bills. He wants to have someone move in who abuses his child. Bye Felicia.
Your husband should get an apt with his sister. NTA.
I think SIL staying is an obvious and firm no. But you have a much bigger problem with your husband. Where the hell was he while you single handedly attempted keeping HIS sister from destroying your kid’s party while doing all the work and all the hosting? Now, he wants you to take on more labor and stress to deal with the same unhinged person living with you WHILE HE DOES NOT EVEN HAVE A JOB.
He’s not contributing to the house. He’s not parenting. He’s not helping financially. People lose their jobs. Those same people often realize they need to pick up the slack at home while the other tries to work more to make up for it. What does he bring to the table? If you’re going to do everything alone anyway, why not unload the dead weight so you have one less grown ass man to parent?
For the Love of God, say No! Then say No again! You are already doing EVERYTHING for EVERYONE - please don't allow them to add a grown woman with highly questionable behavior into the mix!
When I had my first child, I went through something similar. There were things I would tolerate before I had a child that were hard ‘no’s’ later. It’s your responsibility as a parent to show your son what healthy boundaries are, it means not letting selfish people come into your home and destroy the peace of your home life. NTA.
NTA. She, who is working to support the family and sleep deprived, makes the rules right now. No SIL. She disrespected you, your home, your rules. Scared your son and was terrible at his birthday. There are no second chances to do any of that again. Hubby doesn't like it he can share a tent with her in the park.
NTA and you have a husband problem. No one sane would hear this story and think you have any reason or obligation to let this woman stay at your house.