'AITA for not allowing my SIL stay in my empty and furnished condo while she’s in town?' UPDATED

"AITA for not allowing my SIL stay in my empty and furnished condo while she’s in town?"

When I (36F) and my husband (37M) got married a 3 years ago, we decided I would move into his house and keep my condo. While we were dating, we spent time equally between both places. My unit was closer to downtown and attractions in our city and his house was farther away from everything but much larger and in a quiet neighborhood.

Since my place was nearly paid off and the mortgage is very inexpensive (I bought right out of college before the area was as nice as it is now), we decided it would make sense to use it for out of town guests, parties or when we were too tired to drive home after a night out.

Last month, his sister (28) asked if she and her girlfriend could come for 4th of July weekend and stay at the condo. We agreed. She would drive in from their hometown that Thursday and stay until Monday. Last week, she slipped up and mentioned that she would be having a Pride event at my place.

At first she tried to backtrack and say she would be attending one then admitted that she was planning on using my place to throw the party for about 20 people from a Facebook group. I told her absolutely not and that she and her girlfriend could stay but no party. She called me a hypocrite since my husband and I use it for parties.

He and I still refused so she threw a tantrum and called us bigots, cancelled the event, and made a post on FB about us insinuating (but not staring directly) that we reneged because it was a Pride event which isn’t remotely true. My MIL called to find out what was happening and apparently, my SIL is keeping up the story that we were being bigoted.

I called her and told her to find somewhere else to stay so of course she got even more irate and made more insulting posts on FB about us saying that she’s “basically homeless” for the weekend. I’m not budging but my husband is trying to keep the peace and saying we should still let her stay.

SIL and I usually have a very great relationship so I’m not sure why she’s acting so ugly about it. AITA for reneging on allowing her to stay in my empty condo?

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

[deleted] said:

Nta, The audacity of using someone else's house for a party, get mad, compare it to you hosting there in your OWN house, and then saying you're a bigot. She probably wanted to flex with your condo and you put a wedge in it. If she truly thought she did nothing wrong, she would've run it by you. Disgraceful.

srslyeffedmind said:

NTA. No matter what there’s a risk she’s going to have a large group of guests in your condo if you allow her to use it.

OP responded:

This is what worried me. That if I said yes she would have it anyway.

[deleted] said:

NTA. Is she 14 in a crappy teen comedy? What happens if the party gets rowdy? They're guests in YOUR home. If they sue because of an injury it'll be the property owner who gets sued, not your SIL.

OP responded:

I don’t think it will get rowdy. She’s fairly reserved and quiet but I guess anything could happen.

pinkcherry99 said:

NTA but I am pretty sure she’s so upset because she had to cancel and be embarrassed in front of all her friends, whereas before she was gunning to be the cool chick with the city apartment party

OP responded:

This makes so much sense. It’s not cool to me because I’ve lived here my whole life. I could see how this would be embarrassing for her.

OP then added this edit to her post:

She accepted the calendar invitation for us to talk so I’ll update later. She sent my husband a text that said talk to you soon. Didn’t send me anything but accepted my invite so hopefully it goes well.

She later shared this update:

It was a very long Zoom with me, my husband, SIL and her girlfriend but I think we’re all on the same page. I decided to let her talk first and apparently, she took me saying “I don’t want ‘those people’ in my house” to mean something way different than what I intended. She claims she wasn’t blowing it out of proportion but she also says she knew I didn’t mean it in any other way and she let anger get the best of her.

She says she doesn’t know why she double downed once she calmed down but I suspect the GF egged her on as she spent most of the call silent. SIL was very apologetic about being childish and insisted the bigoted comments were in general and not directly about me (she claims she was having issues with other people as well) but she did apologize for the FB posts and has since deleted them.

As far as the party is concerned, the GF made the plans and SIL just went with them. It went from being a couple of people for dinner to something bigger and they were both trying to save face not realizing/caring how it made my husband and I look. She says she understands the invite being revoked and hoped I would forgive her.

I apologized for using the words “those people” because I do understand that it can be offensive. She and her girlfriend decided that they would still be coming in next week and that they would shorten the trip and pay for a hotel or AirBnB.

We changed the subject immediately after the tears and apologies. I’m glad we spoke. I’m still not completely okay but I feel much better about sticking to my decision even after she cancelled the party.