'Future SIL wants to recover from cosmetic surgery in our honeymoon cabin, are we being selfish for saying no?'
"Future SIL wants to recover from cosmetic surgery in our honeymoon cabin, are we being selfish for saying no?"
Me (29F) and my fiancé (31M) are tying the knot in 6 weeks. We’ve booked a wee non-refundable A-frame cabin in the hills for our 5-night honeymoon. Paid up front, got some special bits planned, it’s our first proper trip just us in yonks.
His sister (26F) just booked a Brazilian Butt Lift/lipo three days after the wedding. She asked if she and MIL (55F) can “crash” at our cabin to recover for 3-4 nights because it’s about 15 minutes nearer to her surgeon than their house.
She reckons their place has kids, dogs, and stairs, and she needs peace and quiet. She offered to kip on the sofa “so you two can have the bedroom at night” and even asked to borrow our car because the seats are “softer.” She said she’d cover a cleaning fee if “anything leaks.” I nearly spat my tea out.
We nicely said no and suggested alternatives: we’ll sort a nearby hotel for two nights, chuck in some Lyft credits for appointments, help kit out a recovery spot at theirs, etc. MIL rang us selfish and said “marriage is about family first.”
Now SIL and a few siblings are sending guilt texts that we’re “ruining her plan” and that we’ll be out hiking loads during the day anyway, so what’s the damage? My fiancé’s backing me but the pressure’s ramping up.
I don’t want this blowing up right before the wedding. How do we lay down a solid boundary that holds without kicking off? Is something like: “Our honeymoon cabin is just for us. We’re not having anyone there. Please sort other plans. This isn’t up for debate” too sharp?
Also, nurses/cosmetic surgery lot: am I daft for fretting over cleanliness/fluids on the furniture? I genuinely don’t know what recovery for something like this is like, but it sounds… grim.
Would you loop in the cabin owner and say extra guests aren’t on, or is that petty? Any scripts that sorted boundary-trampling in-laws for you? I keep over-explaining and it’s just making it worse. Cheers for reading. I want to keep the peace, but I also really want, you know, our honeymoon. Any tips welcome.
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
She wants your honeymoon cabin so she can recover from.non necessary surgery 15 minutes closer to the hospital? Yeah no. You're not being selfish but she IS being a complete...something. She can go 15 minutes farther to her own dang house.
NO is a complete sentence.
Have your husband handle your in-laws. This demand for your honeymoon cabin is unhinged. Shut it down!
NTA but if they're all concerned about her having a nice place to recover why can't they all chip in and book her somewhere? I'd just remind them your honeymoon is private and just leave it at that. Stop responding with anything other than no.
Unless someone’s house burns down or is otherwise uninhabitable, it’s entirely unacceptable to crash a honeymoon. Your fiancé should be putting ALL these idiots in their place. He shouldn’t be backing you up, he should be telling them in no uncertain terms that this is an unacceptable ask and to frankly, get stuffed.
This can't be real. If by some chance it is, the entire family needs therapy. It is way beyond any boundary in a healthy relationship for a sibling to try and force their way onto a honeymoon. Say no. Period, not up for discussion.
Say no. Be firm. That is absolutely ludicrous. In no way is that an appropriate ask. If they push, get firm, tell them that you are planning to “you know like bunnies” your whole honeymoon all over the cabin.
Well, you can go one of two routes. You can be crude and say that you plan on enjoying your new husband in every room in the house and often, and plan to do so without clothes, and you fear she may be uncomfortable. You can be rude and say no, ask her what the heck is wrong with her, then tell her if she can afford lipo, she can afford her own AirBnB.
With SIL current sense of entitlement I think you should let her know the last thing she needs is to make a bigger ass of herself with this surgery lol 'worried about leaks' yet she wants to stain a beautiful moment of your lives with her personality 😂 trash trash and defo don't offer her help with any of it, show her the consideration she's showing you.
This can’t be real can it? Maybe remind her what the point of her honeymoon was. And why are you even suggesting you chip in for her recovery? She decided to have the surgery and if she can’t possibly go home, she should’ve factored these needs into her cost. Say no and stop responding. This is a completely unacceptable ask for a honeymoon and they all know it.
The problem as I see it with alllllllllllllll these kinda posts is that people are too polite. If I was asked to share my honeymoon cabin despite the generous offer to let me keep the bed I would reply *are you insane?* We need more brutal frankness people.
Your fiancé needs to tell them "You all are not ruining our honeymoon plans to save yourselves 15 minutes on the drive to your surgeon. Family does not crash a honeymoon. If you want peace and quiet and to stay closer to your surgeon then get a hotel. It's not our responsibility to cater to your elective surgery because you want to save a few dollars."
I hate when people say, "Marriage is about family," but what they really mean is, "Marriage is about my family giving me what I want, and to hell with their needs, wants, or plans." If marriage is about family, your in-laws should respect that their family deserves to have a proper honeymoon--which means no guests.