'AITA for silently changing my son's name after my brother and SIL gave my nephew the name too?'
"AITA for silently changing my son's name after my brother and SIL gave my nephew the name too?"
My wife and I had our son 4 months ago. We had a name chosen early in her pregnancy. We kept that name to ourselves but my SIL (married to my brother) found it out when she was still pregnant with my nephew (almost 7 months old).
She never said how. She just told us she loved the name, congrats and she couldn't wait to meet him. We assume she snooped because she was not told. I even mentioned it to my brother and he said that his wife does like to browse through people's things like it was no biggie.
Then when my nephew was born they announced his name and it was the name we chose. First, middle and last name. My brother called right after SIL posted the announcement and he told me to keep quiet because his wife had a rough birth and she didn't need drama and he knew we might not like it but she really wanted the name.
Her reason? My brother and I have matching twin-like names and SIL wanted to connect our two boys by just giving them the same name so they were each other's namesake.
My wife and I talked it over and we decided to pick a different name. But we'd pretend to keep the original name until there was zero risk of SIL changing my nephew's name (6 months after a birth is harder to make a change in our state).
We only started telling people the true name last week. My parents and sisters said it made sense. Friends and my ILs understood why we did it. My brother told me I upset his wife by silently doing this and taking away her choice to match the boys. He told me it was a dick move. I told him his wife using the full name we chose was a dick move.
I asked him if he considered how much tougher it would be with both boys enrolled in the same schools with the very same name. Not to mention banking, doctors, dental all kinds of stuff.
He told me plenty of people have the same name and it's not a big deal and it's harder to mix stuff up now and we're just trying to gatekeep names. I think he's cray. So does my wife. She said he clearly doesn't want SIL to be mad. But AITA for what I did? Like are we weird for thinking of this kind of stuff?
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
Definitely NTA: Your brother is outraged that you "took away SIL's choice to match the boys" What about the fact that she took away your choice to have an individual name? By invading your privacy? He's fine with that I assume?
DaikonCompetitive147 (OP)
He acted like it was no biggie while I'm thinking I need to keep a closer eye on her in future.
Normally I would say that you don't own the name, but the issue here is with SIL's deciding on her own "to match the boys". That's just weird. NTA.
DaikonCompetitive147 (OP)
I find it weird too and as someone who had a name so similar to my brother, it causes headaches.
NTA for not letting SIL dictate names, her snooping was low-key whack. Your boy deserves an identity that's uniquely his, sans familial name-cloning drama.
But you didn't 'gatekeep'. You didn't tell them they had to change the name they stole from you. You were quite kind and didn't make a fuss over it. They are mentally deficient. Congrats on your new baby ♥
Your brother and SIL are weird as heck. So weird that I find this story unbelievable. Why would anyone want their child to share an exact name with their cousin? My aunt stole my little sister’s name.
Purposely. My sister didn’t get that name. Aunt is a psycho but stealing a name seems more normal than expecting to share it. I’d have a lot of trouble maintaining a relationship with my brother if he was that selfish.
DaikonCompetitive147 (OP)
She thinks it's so cute and a perfect way to compliment me and my brother because of our names being similar. But I always found them to be a pain and so did he. But he's willing to do whatever she wants and defend anything. Even snooping through people's stuff like that's normal.
NTA. Skip the brother. Tell SIL she is creepy and she's not allowed around your son until she gets her behavior under control. It's creepy in my opinion.
Your brother and sister in law are WEIRDOS. Not just for picking the same name secretly that you had already chosen (and then hypocritically getting mad at you for secretly changing your son's name), but also for being mad that they can't force you all to have the same name as their son. They also don't sound very bright.
DaikonCompetitive147 (OP)
I'm shocked he isn't fighting it. But he seems to be willing to do whatever she wants.
How did she find this info? She would never be allowed in my house or near my things.
DaikonCompetitive147 (OP)
We had some blankets with the name and our best guess is she found them while snooping.
NTA, and honestly? You’re kind of a legend. Your SIL straight up stole the name from your unborn child like it was a baby naming Black Friday sale. First, middle, and last? That’s not “connecting the cousins,” that’s identity theft with extra audacity. And your brother’s like, “Please don’t cause drama, she just gave birth.” Sir, your wife created drama...
You handled it perfectly: strategic silence, tactical rename, and a plot twist reveal once the name-change window closed. That’s Game of Thrones-level parenting. Also, let’s be real your brother saying “plenty of people have the same name” is hilarious when they deliberately stole yours. That’s not coincidence, that’s copy pasting.