'AITA for not wanting my baby daughter to go on vacation without me?'
"AITA for not wanting my baby daughter to go on vacation without me?"
Hey everyone...I want to preface this by saying my daughter is so awesome, she is such a blessing, and is beautiful in every way imaginable. And I’m trying to do everything i can to make her life as stress-free as possible.
With that being said, for the past year I’ve been a single father. I had to make a very tough decision early in her life to separate the both of us from her mother, who actively leads a reckless lifestyle. I could make another thread entirely of how stressful the past year has been, but I will just leave it at that. Just know, it has been a lot...
While the majority of the responsibility was put on me, I have had some help, mostly from the grandparents on both sides. Besides me and my parents, my daughter is also being raised by her maternal grandparents.
For the most part, it has been pretty cordial, but it’s also naturally gotten tricky at times as well, which is also where this post comes into play. I'll put it this way...the other side of the family is more well-off than we are. They regularly go camping and vacation, meanwhile I can’t remember the last time I took a trip like that.
It’s not that I don’t want my daughter having cool experiences like that, but I definitely don’t want her to become spoiled, and I don’t want her world to be that one family is fun, wealthy, takes all these trips, and her dad is just like whatever.
Then there’s the fear of her getting on a plane without me. She’s already gone to the beach for the first time without me, it’s like where do I draw the line? A whole other factor is that my mom also wants to visit one of her siblings who is living in Europe right now, and this would basically be her only chance to go, because when she’s home she watches my baby when I go to work for a few hours a night...
So there’s multiple people waiting on me to make this decision pretty much. My mom's basically guilting me into it I feel like. But I really don’t want my daughter to go on this trip without me, she’ll still be less than 18 months old when the time comes and would be going on a plane. Am I being the a%$le here?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
wait so she’s like a actual baby??
odd_autopsy OP:
yes. just learned how to walk
How much do the grandparents (the ones that would be taking her on the trip) take care of her?
odd_autopsy OP:
yeah it’s not insignificant. for awhile it was about 1/3 of the time, now it’s more like 40%. for the record, i have been flexible and fair with them thus far with their requests/what they can do with her. and they are over the moon in love with her, it’s not like they’re mad at the arrangement. this is the first time I’ve been hesitant, with the distance of the trip, and the plane ride..
Also, i didn’t make this entirely clear. she would not be going out of the country, no. she would be going several states away though, like a 3 hr plane ride something like that. my moms thing is separate from that
YTA “The beach…where does it end?”
THE BEACH? Seriously not a big deal.
odd_autopsy OP:
you’re right, the beach without me wasn’t a big deal, which is why that was no problem. an <18 month infant who just took her first steps going on a plane to another state across the country for 5 days without her dad? kinda a different trip than the beach, no?
BoobySlap_0506 said:
NTA. As a parent myself, I have been through a bit of this. My husband's side of the family always wants to take our oldest daughter to do things, and we absolutely let them but we have to maintain some boundaries. There have been "firsts" we chose to let slide in order to not deprive her of fun experiences.
dart1126 said:
NTA. Regardless of issues with the mother, you’re a single father, one side of the family has more money for luxuries etc…I would find MOST PARENTS wouldn’t want their 18 month old on planes, going to different continents etc without them. That’s insanity.
1962Michael said:
YTA. She is exactly as safe on an airplane, whether you are there or not. And statistically, she is a lot safer in a plane than she is in a car. I understand the fear, but if you'd be OK with her on the plane with you, then it's not about the plane.
You could have fought for sole custody and possibly kept your daughter away from the whole maternal side of the family. But you want/need their help to raise this child. It's not right for you to pick and choose what they are able to do for your daughter.
At 18 months she's not going to get a lot out of a trip to Europe, but if her grandparents want to take her, I don't know why you would want to block it. And it sounds like they are taking your mom along? You'd be major AH if you keep your mom from visiting Europe.
One side of the family is ALWAYS "better off" than the other. Grandparents tend to spoil their grandkids. That doesn't change how a child feels about their parents who take care of them day in and day out.
ImpossibleReason2204 said:
Going camping and on vacation will not spoil her. Having resources will not spoil her. Your motivation here is selfish. You don't want someone else to give her something you can't give her. As a father, it's time to stop thinking like that.
You'll only hold her back, and I know that's not what you want. Her grandparents are helping to raise her. There is no line to draw. This child is loved, and you do not need to be there for every experience. YTA.
romytoffee said:
Nah, bro, you’re not the ahole. You’re just a protective dad, it’s totally normal to feel uneasy about your baby flying solo, especially at under 18 months. Wanting to be there for her first trips isn’t controlling, it’s caring.
yellwat said:
YTA if you stand in the way of your daughter having experiences solely because of your own insecurity. Who cares if someone is rich? If you've raised her right when she's older then nothing will get in the way of your relationship with her. But if you stop her having opportunities because you don't want her to "be spoiled," then no way, YTA.