'AITA for calling the cops on a teen who came to my house and demanded to be let in?' UPDATED
"AITA for calling the cops on a teen who came to my house and demanded to be let in?"
A few months ago me and my family went out to watch a movie and then have dinner together. That includes my sister and my nephew. Two of my nephew's friends tagged along. They were friendly and nothing out of the ordinary.
Two weeks later, one of my nephew's friends, John showed up in my doorstep and asked if he could come in. I was weirded out and got a bad vibe and asked him politely to leave.
For context, I live alone with my daughter who's eleven years old and a virtual stranger dropped by in our home unannounced. I looked by the camera and he was holding flowers and other stuff.
So I figured this was just a dumb kid with my crush who thought he could woo an adult but I asked him twice to please just leave and he wouldn't. Saying he just had to see me and that he needed to tell me how much he loves me. This included a gross comment about me being a single mom.
I told him I was caliing the cops and that's when he bolted. Cops later came, took my statement and just circled around to make sure he wasn't still near-by. I specified that yes he was just a kid, but I barely knew him and he had tracked down my house and wouldn't leave until threatened.
He didn't commit a crime but the cops still dropped by his parents house to give him a warning about not leaving private property when told to. I didn't ask the cops to do that. They just took the info I gave, I called my sister to find out his last name and who his parents were and just related that to the cops since they were asking.
I just wanted to make sure he was gone. That visit they did was on them.
His mom called me and she first apologized on behalf of her son if he made me feel unsafe but then told me I went way over the line by involving the cops and how teenage boys having crushes is nothing out of the ordinary. And how this could ruin his life and I should have remembered he's just a kid.
To top it off my sister also told me I went over the top and how he's one of her sons good friends and that I should have called her when he wouldn't leave and she would have sorted it out. I went with my gut feeling and I don't regret it.
EDIT: I'm 31, John is 16 and since I keep being asked about ages and I forgot to include it originally, I'm adding it now.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
NTA. Kid crossed a line and got off with a simple warning. His parents should be thankful.
Did you find out how he found your house? Did he just fish it out of your nephew? Because if his nephew didn't say, that has some disturbing implications.
You definitely didn't ruin his life. He didn't get arrested, he got a warning, which is exactly what should happen in a case like this.
Did he do anything illegal? So much fear.
rowdyruthrorwich OP responded:
Did I do anythin excessive? A trespasser wouldn't leave my property so I called the cops.
"From what I understand his parents are well off so maybe it was pocket change for them." Damn it... No wonder he's entitled...
"The idea that his mom knew it was meant for me and let it happen is mind boggling since he's a minor." Believe it or not, it's really uncommon for underage boys to develop crushes on adult women. They are either teachers, nannies, babysitters, or female relatives of their close friends.
He was taught to "not take no for an answer. Show her your determination, and she'll fall for you." However, s*^$ got too real when you threatened to call the police. Boys like him aren't told that there would be consequences of not taking "no" for an answer. Because "who would reject their baby boy."
rowdyruthrorwich OP responded:
I understand its common for underage boys to have crushes on adult women but for the mom to know they act on it and let it happen? Like, what wouldn't she be worried about her boy being a victim of statutory rape? If my kid was trying to woo an adult, I'd try to nip that in the bud as soon as possible.
Maybe it’s down the thread, but did you find out how he got your address? I’d hate to think your nephew gave it to him but I can’t figure out how else he would have gotten it.
rowdyruthrorwich OP responded:
I feel he got it from my family but my sister is telling me my nephew swears he didn't. That would leave my sister and my BIL as their older son doesn't live with them.
This kid is apparently a friend of a few years and is in good terms with all of them but I feel none of them would have let it slip except for my nephew.
2 months later OP came back with this update:
So it turns out my nephew did give John my home address.
My sister and my nephew stopped by my house and my sister basically brought him along so he could explain and apologize in person.
John's mom complained to another one of the mommies in their group about how John's friends are the reason he did something inappropiate. My sister found out and got my nephew to confess.
John apparently kept asking my nephew about me after the night I met him and told my nephew and their friends about his crush on me. My nephew and his friends egged him on to ask me out.
One of their friends asked my nephew when was the last time I had a boyfriend, my nephew answered without thinking and said 2 years. Then their little group told John he had nothing lose and how I'm probably wanting anybody to ask me out.
My nephew emphasized how he didn't think John would actually do it and it was just a stupid dare and how they kept pressuring him to just give out my address so John could drop some flowers. And how John stopping by my house was never talked about.
My nephew kept saying sorry and how he didn't think this would turn into such a big deal. I was having none of that and let him have it, telling him how handing out my address without asking to people I don't know was putting me and my daughter in danger. How he's old enough to know better. And how stupid and thoughtless he acted.
I told him he would never house-sit for me again because God forbid another one of his friends put a stupid idea on his head and that I can't really accept his apology because I don't even know if its the truth. First, I was told he was shocked and angry at what John did and now I'm being told this was all a stupid prank between boys. So I can't be sure on what to believe.
When I was done with him, I asked my sister if she thought this time my nephew was telling the truth and she said this time he was. I then pointed out that this still didn't excuse John at all for trespassing and refusing to leave my house when told him to so while I'm angry at my nephew for handing out my address, I still think there's something wrong with John.
This time my sister didn't give me the ''boys will be boys'' crap and agreed and said she is bothered by how John's mom is still making excuses for him. I asked if atleast now that kid has moved-on and will leave me alone, my nephew said that from what he heard, John's dad put the fear of God into him so he likely will never bother me again. He still asks about me but my nephew has told him to drop it.
So if nothing else, I can believe my nephew is angry at John for dragging him into this and getting him in trouble aswell. So I don't think he's protecting his friend and trying to soften what happened.
Its been over a month since I called the cops on John so I find the timing of this is weird and I feel both my sister and nephew know more but atleast I found out how that boy knew where to find him and that he likely won't try the same stunt twice. That's enough for me.
Here's what people had to say to OP after the update:
So a bunch of teenagers painted the picture of you being a lonely and desperate older woman.And John's very first instinct was to try and get inside your house and wouldn't take no for an answer. Blurting out ''I love you'' and trying to woo you with gifts, thinking you'd be easy pickings.
He still comes off as a stalker/predator in the making who unless his parents intervened and set him straight, will just be more careful in choosing targets and be better at attempts at love bombing. I hope his visit from the cops was the wake-up his parents needed.
It's been way over a month since you called the cops on him. Your first post was 2 months ago and in that post you said a few months ago you went out to dinner with them and two weeks after that he showed up. If he's still asking about you this far out that is really kinda creepy.
I'm glad your nephew came clean but it still wasn't cool of him to give out your address. And 16 year old boys can be big and dangerous, it doesn't matter the age. His mom needs to quit making excuses for him. It's giving YOU vibes.
rowdyruthrorwich OP responded:
It is and I tried to ask why he keeps asking about me and all my nephew could say were stupid teenage boy reasons that don't help at all.
But the good thing about that is their friends know about it, my sister knows about it, his parents know about it and apparently even some other people in their social circle know. So there will be no shock or surprise if he tries something again and I report him for stalking and harrassment.
Just for some perspective. With your name and general location I could get your address, phone number and who you live with for cheap. Phonebooks used to exist and everyone knew where everyone else lived. Go easy on the nephew.
Its not about the home address itself but the willingness to share out private information.
He’s still friends with him?
No, but from what I can tell my nephew is more angry at getting ratted out than what John did which hurts.