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Sister-of-2020-bride refuses to redo bridesmaid role for 'second wedding;' AITA?

Sister-of-2020-bride refuses to redo bridesmaid role for 'second wedding;' AITA?


Anyone who tried to get married in 2020 probably had to compromise on their original vision, but is making everyone come to a second event the best solution?

Just because you didn't get to have the big, expensive, white-lace adorned dance party of a wedding day of your dreams doesn't mean it wasn't still a special day, right?

So, when a conflicted student decided to vent to the moral compass of the internet otherwise known as Reddit's 'Am I the As$hole' about the sequel to her sister's mid-pandemic wedding, people were ready to help deem a verdict.

AITA (Am I the As*hole) for saying I won’t attend my sister’s wedding?

I (F22) was recently accepted into a master’s program which will begin in September. I spent the summer living with my parents in my childhood bedroom, but will be moving to graduate housing soon as the program is several states over.

I have an older sister (F34) who is already married to her husband. The two of them got engaged right before the pandemic hit, and were given a choice by my parents, who were paying for the wedding.

They could have a small backyard wedding on their original intended date, or they could wait until the pandemic got under control and have the bigger wedding they originally wanted.

They chose to not wait and had a small wedding, which I took time off from my bachelor’s program to attend. This was in 2020.

Three years have passed, and my sister has started lamenting that she never got the big wedding she actually wanted.

She and her husband have decided to hold what they are calling a vow renewal party, but what is essentially a second wedding, complete with ceremony, bridesmaids, and a wedding dress.

The issue is that they’ve set the date for that party in October of 2024. I know for a fact that I will be in a critical period of my graduate program at that time (my degree is in Wildlife Sciences, so certain research can only take place during certain parts of the year and cannot be delayed) so I told my family that I will not be attending.

Both my sister and my mother are furious as they were expecting me to reprise my role as a bridesmaid. They insist that I am being unreasonable and that my sister’s wedding is important.

I responded that my sister’s wedding WAS important - the one in 2020, where she was actually married.

I made it clear that I am not willing to take any more time away from my education for another party, and that it is a little silly that my parents are paying for a vow renewal after so little time has passed. Am I the as$hole?

Later, the post was edited to include:

EDIT: Because a few people have asked, I am attending graduate school under an assistantship program. What that means is that I have agreed to work under a professor on a specific research project, and in return my tuition is waived.

We are studying black bears in the field as they prepare to go into hibernation, which makes the month of October an essential time to be at my post. I really can’t afford to miss any of it.

Here's what the jury of internet strangers had to say about this mess:

-usual-suspect- said:

NTA Stick to your guns. Everything you have said here is completely reasonable.

avocadosdontbite said:

NTA. Your reason for not attending is perfectly reasonable, and also, they are already married so this is really just a renewal of vows.

HardandDifficult said:

NTA, and I think your sister and mother are incredibly rude and entitled for expecting you to take time away from a master's program (a time sensitive one, no less) without ANY consultation whatsoever for a party...

and I'm glad you're labeling it as such because A: they already are married and B: a vow renewal doesn't traditionally require bridesmaids.

InternalAlbatross992 said:

NTA your future is way more important than your sisters 'wedding.'

bureaucratic_drift said:

NTA - you're right; it's just another party...even more expensive this time. Go live your best life and let your sister play her games.

ThatHellaHighHobbit said:

NTA- Good for you for saying no and focusing on your program. Your sister can enjoy her little party without you there.

Note to brides: you only get one event where your friends and family have to drop everything to celebrate your love...

Sources: Reddit
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