'AITA for walking out on a family dinner because my sister and my husband implied they were sleeping together?'
"AITA for walking out on a family dinner because my sister and my husband implied they were sleeping together?"
My sister (31F) and my husband (31M) had a short relationship back when they were in high school, it wasn't anything major but most of my family knew they were dating nonetheless.
Fast forward to my husband going to a near by state school and my sister leaving town for college, they broke up but they still remained good friends. In the mean time, me and him got closer and we started dating, my sister was cool with it as they had left off on good terms and they didn't have any romantic feelings towards each other anymore.
Fast forward to now, me (28F) and my husband have been married for 2 years and are expecting a baby girl in October. My family usually has a big dinner every 3 months to get in touch with the whole family, we were supposed to reveal our baby's gender at this specific dinner, I had it all planned, my sister had ordered a big cake since she was the only one who knew the gender of the baby.
The cake was brought out in the middle of our gathering, once we cut it open it was revealed that we would have a baby girl, I was thrilled, but my family and my husband were hoping for a boy, that's when my parents commented that we should try for a boy next time, it was a joke, we all laughed, but then my husband said "why wait that long?" and winked at my sister, in front of my whole family.
My sister laughed at that and said it wasn't a bad idea. I was confused as to what they were implying so I questioned them about it. My husband said "well, we could always spark up an old romance".
I was so embarrassed and upset that I walked away from the table and stormed out of the house, got in my car and drove to my best friend's house. When I got there, I broke down crying.
I couldn't understand why they would hint at something like that, especially when they know I've been cheated on before. When I explained the situation to my friend she was also confused and comforted me.
I slept over at her house, and I'm still currently there, but I woke up to multiple missed calls and texts from my family. Mainly my sister and my husband, everyone including my mom and dad think I'm overreacting and it was just "a light-hearted joke".
My sister wants me to "stop acting so childish" and go back home to my husband. I was too angry to look at any of my husbands texts. So, AITA for leaving and refusing to respond to my husband after he made a joke about cheating on me with my sister?
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
The fact that two of the most important people in your life would even HINT at something so heinous is disgusting, especially considering you’re pregnant and vulnerable already. Terrible people all around.
Are your family usually this obtuse? I can’t believe how they could think you were overreacting. Is this normal behavior from your sister and husband? NTA, everyone else here sucks, except your friend of course. She’s the only one who has your back.
Fluffy-Meat3947 (OP)
My sister no, she's not one to make these types of jokes, my husband has what you would call "dark humor" but it's the first time he's ever joked about something like this.
And do you feel like there could be any truth to what they were saying? Only you can tell whether they meant it or not. THIS IS NOT ON YOU! Honestly your family using hormones as an excuse to say you’re overreacting is disgusting. They’re being ah and trying to push a narrative that just isn’t true.
Well, firstly, to ‘joke’ that you should try for a boy next time—and without even celebrating the fact you’re pregnant with a daughter—is bloody terrible. Let’s hope your daughter never finds out her father and grandparent were disappointed and said they couldn’t wait for a boy.
And if that weren’t bad enough, your husband and sister were crass enough to imply they should sleep together to make that boy everyone is so disappointed you’re not carrying. WTF is wrong with these people? You absolutely are NTA, but the rest of your family, most particularly your husband and sister, most definitely are.
NTA.
"When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time." - Maya Angelou.
They've shown you who they are. They've shown you what they think of your feelings. They've even shown you how they're going to treat your little girl once she's born - as acceptable but not preferred because they wanted a boy.
The other saying that comes to mind is: "A joke is when everyone laughs. Bullying is when everyone ELSE laughs. You're not laughing."
What they said was intentionally cruel. That's bullying. It's also trust breaking because now, you'll always be wondering about the two of them.
I said it on the last thread, but I’ll say it again:
Tell your husband that after this baby, you’ll sleep with his brother (or dad) and hope for a boy that time. Then ask him if he thinks that joke is funny.
NTA. I really respect your reaction. I’m very hot headed, and if this was me I’d have put my engagement and wedding rings on the table before leaving. That was such an insensitive and inappropriate comment, and I’d really consider whether they are having an affair.
You really should consider whether there is any coming back from this. If you remain in this relationship, you’ll need to be comfortable with your husband and sister seeing each other at family functions and will forever be wondering whether there is anything between them. Your family are out of order, and going low contact with them, even just for a short while, wouldn’t be the worst idea.
As I say, I’m very hot headed and I don’t think I could ever forgive my sister if she did this. I also know that I’d never be able to forgive my husband. I’d forever feel disgusted when he looked at me or touched me.