Married woman won't stop confessing her love for her sister's husband. AITA? + Update
"AITA for wanting to expose my sister to her husband after she confessed to my husband on her wedding day?"
ThrowAwayurgenthelp1
Sorry for the confusing title. I didn't know how to word it any other way. I [24F] have been married to my husband [27M] for about 2 years. My sister [26F] and her husband [26M] are high school sweethearts. My sister and I have always been close. Despite the small age gap, she acted like my second mother, so I never doubted her in anything. Let's call her Jane.
My husband, let's call him Bob, and I met at uni. I was 20 and he was 23. He excelled in both academics, sports and looks, and was well known around campus because of that, so obviously, I had a crush on him.
Jane also attended the same uni. Because I was new, she included me into her big circle of friends and he was a part of that. I never made a move because I respected Jane and her friends. I didn't want to cause any trouble or make things awkward. She meant the world to me.
Eventually though, Bob and I became close friends. I grew to like him more. I also noticed that Jane rarely interacted with him, which was odd considering she was close to almost everyone in her circle, but I never said anything. I did end up telling her I liked him though.
She told me not to get my hopes up because he wasn't interested in any relationship. I was crushed, but tried to see him as a friend. He ended up confessing to me on my 21st bday and we began dating, which obviously resulted in marriage and here we are now.
During the entire time we were dating, Jane started to distance herself from me. We did have a talk about it when Bob and I first started dating, and I told her I'd break up with him if she wasn't comfortable with it considering he's her friend, but she rejected the idea.
She hugged me and said she was happy for me, so I took her words for it. She still distanced herself though. Her husband (boyfriend at the time), we'll call him Jim. He didn't attend uni, but his dad has a small construction business that he works at. Jim's a good man.
He did everything for Jane, but due to our culture, women can't leave the family house until marriage. So, Jane and I still lived with our parents then. So when Jim had saved up enough money to buy a house, he proposed to Jane and she said yes.
Fast forward a year and Bob proposed. I said yes. Up until now, all Jane had done was distance herself from me, but when I sat my family down and told them the news, she cried.
I thought she was crying from happiness until my mum told me I should've taken my sister's feelings into consideration before telling them. It was odd. It seemed like no one was happy. My mum took Jane to her room, but my dad stayed. He told me that Jane was having a hard time with Jim. I believed them.
Since then, Jane distanced herself more from me. When I tried speaking to her, she'd reply curtly, and when I brought it up with my mum, she said that she's going through a hard time so I shouldn't make it worse. So I left her alone.
That was until Bob confessed that Jane had been texting him consistently for the past few weeks. He showed me the texts. She'd ask if she could call or meet him. She'd also attempt to text him late at night.
The last one was when she sent him photos of her in revealing dresses and asked him to choose the prettiest. That's when he decided to tell me about it. Before anyone says anything, no, Bob didn't lead her on.
His texts were dry, and frankly, if I wasn't so upset with my sister, I'd say, rude. He felt uncomfortable, but decided to put up with it because she was sister. He also admitted that Jane had confessed to him years ago, but he had rejected her.
It felt like everything was falling into place when he told me that. I was so hurt by her, I immediately confronted her when I got home. I thought she'd at least be ashamed, but she said that I stole him from her.
What's worse is that my mum sided with her. I've always had a feeling she was my mum's favourite, but she was my favourite too. It made sense everyone loved Jane. I loved her too, but she betrayed me in the worst way possible. She even said she hated me and didn't want to see me again. No one sided with me. So I packed my things and left.
My dad told me that I shouldn't leave because it's not appropriate for an unmarried girl to leave her parents' house. My mum even called me a wh*re for leaving to go to Bob's place. That hurt a lot.
It took a long time for me to get over what they did. When I think about it, it still stings. Bob and I lived together before marriage. I also cut contact with my family, and Bob and I got married without inviting anyone from my side asides from a few close relatives. It was a lovely wedding by the way!
But a week ago, my cousin told me Jane had her wedding. I guess she went ahead with it. Today though, Bob showed me a message he got on instagram from her. He hadn't seen it because it was in the request section, but it dated back to a week ago. She confessed to him again and told him she'd make him happier than me if he gave her the chance to.
I am upset. Really upset. He screenshotted it and blocked her and asked if it was okay to send it to Jim, but I said no. I don't know why. Jim deserves better, but I just don't want to deal with her anymore. I can't take it. I feel so guilty to keep this away from Jim. However, I don't want this to blow up in my face, especially when Bob and I have been living so peacefully now.
Edit: thank you for all the solid advice both on this post and my other post! I think, deep down, I was still attached to the family who raised me, especially my sister. Your comments have given me a reality check.
For those asking what I meant by this blowing up in my face, I know my sister. I'm afraid she'll come to my house with my mum and escalate things to the point a police is needed.
But, I also understand that she'll keep harassing my husband and ruining Jim's life further if we keep quiet. I took your advice and told Bob he could contact Jim if he wanted.
He said he'll think about it, so I'm leaving it at that for now. Personally, knowing his personality, he probably already sent it to Jim even after I said no, but I'll wait to see what happens. Thanks again!! If anything happens, I'll update.
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
WinterFront1431
Wow, she is desperate, and you can't steal him from her if he didn't want her.. he had years before you to pursue something with her, but he never did.. he really should set her straight and then block her.
" I have had many opportunities to pursue something with you before (your name) and I didn't because I wasn't interested then and I certainly ain't interested now, you are embarrassing yourself and I quite frankly feel sorry for you, that you have lost your baby sister because you thought I was some prize to claim.
I've tried to be nice about this, but now you are just being damn right disrespectful to me and my wife, so I'll spell it out, I don't want you, never have, never will. If you message me again, I will send everything to Jim."
Then block. But I'd send everything to him anyway, poor guy is a backup, and he doesn't know it, save him from wasting anymore of his time.
MonkeyPolice
NTA and I agree with this. Husband needs to tell her directly that he is not interested so hopefully bad sister’s fantasy is finally broken and everyone can move on. I’m so sorry OP!
Carolinamama2015
You said it yourself. Jim deserves better you already don't talk to your family. What blow up are you expecting of you tell Jim? She's gonna hurt him in the long run.
Hungry_Godzilla
YTA for not sending the text to Jim to warn him before he got married and to this date still hiding from him.
WelshWickedWitch
Why are you stopping your DH from protecting himself from this harassment? The forbearance on the man, because I absolutely would be forwarding ALLLL the evidence (including texts) to Jim including the story how you were unaware of Jane's feelings.
Although you had initially checked if she was happy for you to date Bob. Inform Jim that upon telling your family of Bob's proposal, Jane and family labelled you a man stealing wh0r3. Make sure he knows Jane has been pursuing Bob your entire courtship and after you are now married.
You mention you don't want to upset your marital bliss and peace however your sister is not letting it drop. She is not going to magically poof away. I would press the nuke button and really do everything to make her meet her karma and F off. NTA.
Three days later, the OP returned with an update.
"AITA for wanting to expose my sister to her husband after she confessed to my husband on her wedding day? UPDATE"
ThrowAwayurgenthelp1
Hi. I just wanted to make a small update. As I'd thought, Bob sent the message to Jim even when I told him not to. He also screen recorded the message to prove that it came from her account, which I didn't know he did! At least one of us is smart!
Anyway, I won't go into too much detail, but Jim didn't reply until last night. He called Bob and they had a long chat. Apparently, when Jim confronted Jane, she tried to blame Bob for coming onto her. They had a fight and she left to stay with our parents.
I know a lot of you told me to send the screenshot to my parents. I did. I sent it to my dad, not my mum. I'm sorry, but I still can't find the strength to talk to her, and I don't think I ever will. My dad said he and mum will deal with it, and to not tell anyone what Jane did. I feel worse now for even thinking he'd side with me lol.
For anyone wondering whether Bob sent Jim the old messages from Jane from years ago, he didn't. He bought a new phone right after we cut contact, so he doesn't have them anymore.
I don't know if Jim will divorce (or annual?) Jane, but he told Bob not to contact him anymore, so I think we did our parts already. Thankfully she hasn't come to my house, but I did take your advices about installing cameras. We'll be doing that next week.
Thank you for all the help! You guys were right. Bob is my new family, so I'm not going to think about Jane or my parents anymore. We're having dinner at his parents' tonight, so I'm rushing writing this lol. Thank you again. I hope you all have a good day!
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's update:
Azile96
Wow. How crazy! You gave your sister plenty of chances to tell you not to pursue Bob but she gave you her blessing. Did your parents know that? This jealousy from your sister is just selfishness. She was crushing on Bob,but he rejected her.
She decided to try to dissuade you by saying he wasn’t interested in a relationship likely she was just trying to excuse why he rejected her. She couldn’t handle that he liked you instead.
Even though she moved on with Jim (obviously “move on” is not really accurate), she continued to crush on Bob and blamed you for catching his affections. That was childish behavior and so unfair to Jim.
None of this was your fault. Bob is a good man for not giving in to her advances. I’m so sorry your mother is showing such blatant favoritism. I’m also sorry your dad is going along with this.
You are right, Bob is your family now. I hope your parents or at least your dad see how wrong they are. They just lost a daughter in favor of another one who is dishonest and selfish.
realitycheck14
Good for you for not tolerating any further abuse by your family. I cannot imagine your hurt, but I’m so glad you can walk away with a clean conscience, a healthy loving support system, and trust in the wonderful man and family you’ve built together. I’m so sorry you’ve been hurt in this way by those you should be able to trust the most. ❤️
Rosalie-83
I’d message dad one more time to say if sister ever comes near either of you again you’ll expose her messages to the world, you’ll put them on billboards if necessary. And that you’re disappointed by both your parents for their golden child treatment of sister. That until now they had two kids, but no longer.