"AITA for taking in my sister without giving heads up to my husband?"

Hear me out. I was at my parent's place. I was over to help out my mom out with the garden. My younger sister is staying at home for college. It seems dad was yelling at her about something. He checked her phone and found that she is a lesbian. My mom was just watching her yell at him and backing him up.

My sister was just crying. I am a pretty soft spoken person and I couldn't stop my dad from yelling but when he was done. I told her to pack her stuff and took her to my place. She is a pretty sensitive person and my parents are pretty assertive and rude sometimes.

I tried to text my husband but he was in a meeting and he rarely checks his phone while he works. He was surprised to find my sister in our home. I talked him about it and his okay with it but he is upset on two counts. The first being that I didn't give him any heads up and he hates being surprised by anything and that he will have to give up his quiet room which he uses to destress after work.

He just hates having things jumped on him. He knows she has to stay here for a while and it makes sense. I feel like an a$$hole as I should have done things a bit more calmly. I should talked to my husband before getting her out of there. I was pretty emotional during this whole thing.

It was one of the worst things I have witnessed. I know much he loves his room and how great it has been to his mental health to have a place to be alone and process things. It has helped our relationship a lot. I fee like I am not prioritizing him here and I took a major decision without consulting him.

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

TaiDollWave said:

NAH. You protected your sister, and that makes sense. In an emergency, sometimes you have to do things right now. And you didn't try to not tell him, things just came to a head in that moment. He's allowed to be annoyed there wasn't a discussion and that he's lost quiet space.

cranbeery said:

NAH. Of course he's thrown off by a new person in the house without prior discussion, but it sounds like he'll get over it. Sure, it would have been nice to do this calmly and less urgently, but you did what you had to do to help your sister.

[deleted] said:

NAH. I can't call husband an a$$hole for being thrown off like this. He does deserve a say in the matter. You're only protecting your sister so cant say you're an asshole either.

And everthelessidissent said:

YTA. Moving her in on an emergency basis - like for a few days, fine a text is appropriate. But moving her in long-term requires a negotiation.

Three months later, she shared this update:

This is a strange update, My sister moved out ended up leaving within a month but her stay with us was illuminating in may ways, The things my sister pointed to me helped me realize that our marriage was designed to cater to all his wants and to meet bare minimum of my needs.

I tried to bring this up with him, Small things which could make me feel better but he didn't want to. I suggested couple's therapy and he thought it would just a process of blame being pinned on one of us. I started therapy with my own money and he was upset that I was wasting it when I was perfectly fine.

I started to paint again, something that he didn't like and he didn't scream at me he just changed his routine a little so that I had less time to paint and make a mess which he had to witness while I painted. My marriage was built around not making him sad, throughout the relationship I was the one who was responsible for his feelings and I was the one who had to set mine aside to make him happy.

I got out and I am living with my sister. They had a extra room they had been looking to sublet and I took them up it. It is funny that I end in the same position that my sister started out the post in, I am not happier.

I miss him and I have spend almost 9 years with him but It is liberating not to spend hours molding myself to make him happy. I am lot more calmer now. I really want to thank the commenters who planted the seed of doubts about my husband.