'AITA for invoicing my sister after she kept dumping her kids at my place before dawn without asking?'
"AITA for invoicing my sister after she kept dumping her kids at my place before dawn without asking?"
I am 29F, work hybrid, my sister Lena is 32 with two kids, 6 and 3. Back in March I said I could help with an occasional morning when daycare was closed, like once in a while, no big deal.
Somehow occasional turned into Lena showing up at 5:40am, key in hand, dropping the kids in their pjs on my couch and sprinting out before I can even find my glasses. She texts “you’re a lifesaver, thank you so much” and I’m standing there making toast and finding tiny socks before my own meetings start.
I love my siblings, I just don't love that my coffee is now cold every single weekday. I tried boundaries, I really did. I said please ask first, I said not on Tuesdays, I said I have a presentation. Next morning, guess who rang my bell at 5:38am with a “quick favor, promise it’s last time”. It wasn't.
Last week the 3yo spilled yogurt into my laptop keyboard, the 6yo used my dry erase markers on the wall because “auntie said she likes color” and I missed a 9am client call because someone was crying about a missing blue cup. Lena got mad that I sounded grumpy, said family helps family and that I’m single so my time is more flexible, which is such a nice way to say my time is free.
So I sat down and did math. Extra food, cleaning, new keyboard, two Uber rides because I couldn't drive while both kids melted down, 1 hour of lost freelance time on two days. I made an itemized invoice for $312.47 and emailed it with a cheerful “hey, this is what this support costs, happy to keep helping if we schedule and you cover expenses”.
She blew up in the family chat, called me heartless and transactional. Mom says I should apologize, dad quietly Venmo’d me $50 with a thumbs up emoji. Lena says "I will not pay a cent to my own sister.”
She also that she needs me again this Friday because daycare is doing a training day. I replied that I’m not available without prior confirmation and prepayment, she sent a long text about me gatekeeping childcare and how the kids will be sad.
Now everyone is acting like I invoiced a stranger, not someone who keeps ignoring every boundary I state. AITA for putting a price on my time after months of being used like a 24/7 drop off spot?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
Well the invoice is probably kinder than calling to report abandoned children!
NTA but I'd change the locks.
Deadbolts are your friend.
NTA. When she drops them off on Friday and then quickly leaves, call the police for abandonment. Because you know she'll just dump them on your doorstep, right? Will you be strong enough and not take this blatant disrespect? Or bend over and take it, as usual?
"Family helps Family" I always wonder when it's time for family to help you.
You did the exact right thing, because Lena is taking advantage of you. Please take the key or change your locks, because she will keep doing it. Actually, you have every single right to "gatekeeping childcare", because guess what? These are NOT your children, it's Lena's responsibility. If Lena will not pay “a cent to my own sister”, she'll have to pay a babysitter, because free auntie stops, no matter if HER children "will be sad."
LOL....Gatekeeping Childcare?!!! Hilarious! She HAS childcare....if it is failing her, find another daycare. Kind of a duh there. Get your locks changed and do NOT provide your sister or mother with another copy. MOM can babysit from now on.
Family helps Family is a BS argument at best...Family SUPPORTS family, sometimes. As in emotional support...Nothing is a given. EVER. Well, unless you are an entitled sibling who expects that everyone is at their beck and call because they CHOSE to breed. NTA.
NTA. Tell the family chat that she abused your kindness and your childcare services are now over. Let them know there is a need for Friday and tell them to let sister know which one of them are volunteering to help. Tell Sis that the locks are changing and she will no longer have a key.
Let her know the police will be called if she leaves her children on your doorstep as that is neglect. Change the locks and put everyone who pitches a fit on timeout (block them). Family does not treat family like crap. Help goes two ways.
Why are you opening the door? If she has a key change the lock or add another lock. She’s disrespecting you and your ask of pre planning and het entitlement spreads as your parents enable her instead of stepping into help.
Just say no and lay your boundaries you can’t sit here and complain and it happens every morning. Screw the invoice no is no block the door lots of things to do! When your parents scold you let the know they can easily step in or if they are abroad can send her funds for daycare.
NTA but change your locks and don’t answer the door. I have a nephew that I love and spoil. My brother and sil would always ask before assuming that any of us can babysit. Even in an emergency, they would at least call. And it would actually be an emergency.
How convenient that you just started an intensive, three month block of 5:00am to 6:00am daily power walking in the park downtown! If you don't answer the door a few times when she arrives at 5:40am your problem will vanish. This is how you can stop being an enabler of your sister's terrible behaviour.