"AITA for asking my sister to remove her pregnancy announcement before we announce ours?"

My (26M) wife (24F) and I are expecting our first baby. As of right now, my wife is 19 weeks along and we put off announcing it to our extended family and friends on social media until we hit the halfway point at 20 weeks. We did, however, tell our parents and our siblings on both sides.

My sister (34F) Anna and her husband have been trying for a baby for a few years now. She was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and has been on medications for it, and it's been tough for her to conceive. Anyway, yesterday, Anna announced on social media that she is expecting and that she's about 12 weeks along.

I called her to congratulate her and get more details and our conversation did not go well. Her answers to my questions didn't all make sense, and she mentioned having passed her glucose tolerance test which doesn't happen until around 24 weeks of pregnancy. I know because my wife had scheduled hers already.

When I told her that, she called me dumb and said I didn't know what I was talking about; why was I interrogating her; can't I just be happy for her...then she hung up. My BIL called later last night and told me that Anna isn't really pregnant and that she was just completely devastated that I was having a baby and she wasn't and this is how she was dealing and processing my wife's pregnancy.

He said he would tell her to take down the post. Today, Anna called me and told me she won't take the pregnancy announcement down because of the attention she received from it and how it made her feel good. She told me to make our announcement and then she would announce that she lost her baby a week later.

I asked why go through with all the lies rather than just take it down and move on from it? She said, "Because I'm bipolar, I might not have a baby and it's not fair to me. Stop being so narcissistic and just let me have some of the spotlight that I deserve but probably will never have."

I got upset and told her she needs to take it down and talk about this with her therapist to better process everything and she continued to yell at me, call me names, and she cursed my unborn baby, saying she hopes my wife loses it. I hung up.

My parents are texting me saying that I should've just let her continue this façade her way because she's bipolar, but I can't just allow her to be this way. I feel like she's using her diagnosis as an excuse to pull off a big lie such as this. But should I have let her? AITA?

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

VeryBigPoro said:

I'm a bit afraid what stunt she pulls when your baby is born. If she now fakes a pregnancy and loss (how awful. As a woman she should know better. And being mentally ill is no excuse for being TA)... Maybe keep your baby away from her. Don't let them be alone ever. You're NTA. And gratulation!

heyyahri said:

NTA. I'm bipolar too, but pretending to be pregnant for attention is really something else. You're not a narcissist, she is. But like someone else said, stay out of it. Announce your pregnancy and let her spin her lies til she gets caught. You're not changing her mind anytime soon and you can't help someone who doesn't see how they're wrong and you certain can't help someone who doesn't want to change.

Sevenspoons said:

NTA. Remove her from social media and your life. She stole your baby's scan and uploaded it? She'll only get worse I fear. Just remove her now.

And YMMV-But said:

You should stay out of this. You can’t help someone who doesn’t want to be helped. Your sister is mentally ill & whatever she posts on social media doesn’t matter. Her being fake pregnant doesn’t take away from the fact of your wife being really pregnant. If her posts bother you, unfollow her so you don’t see them. You’re not an AH for being either annoyed or concerned. Your sister isn’t an AH. She’s sick. NAH

UPDATE:

My wife called me in tears because she realized that the ultrasound picture that Anna included in her post is OUR baby's 12 week ultrasound that we shared with our immediate family.

UPDATE 2:

Thank you everyone for your input and advice. Yesterday was just pretty crazy so I didn't have time to respond until now. My BIL was able to take down the post because he said he refused to lie to his family and friends over this. They got into a massive fight and my sister was brought to the ER for making suicidal statements.

She was admitted a few hours ago and I am hoping they can help her and give her the medical attention she needs. She is refusing to talk to any of us now, but last thing she told my BIL was that she is really pregnant and how can we all betray her like this? I can't cut her off because she is my sister and we were close growing up.

I think I will just severely limit our contact for now until things get better for her. As of now, we definitely do not trust her to ever be alone with our child after she's born (it's a girl!), and right now, my family is deciding how to handle the social media attention Anna was getting. I don't think they will lie for her, but rather be up front about it.

UPDATE 3:

Thanks to everyone once again for the advice. I'd like to clear up some things and give an update. I got a few comments and messages about Anna's bipolar medications and having a tough time conceiving. I didn't mean to imply that her medications caused some type of infertility.

It's not my business or anyone else's, but my BIL was telling me that trying to get her bipolar disorder under control and stressing about starting a family has just made it difficult for them to be intimate. Having kids was something my sister has always wanted and I think everything just got to her these past few weeks.

Anna is still in the hospital and I'm not sure when she'll be discharged. She admitted to skipping several doses of her lithium over the last few weeks and though I'm no medical professional, maybe this in addition to everything else contributed to her actions? But for the last few days, my BIL reports that she's been attending group and individual therapy, has resumed her medication, and seems to be doing better.

Outside of that, my BIL reached out to Anna's outpatient therapist and asked for a family session where we can learn how to better help Anna, support her, and address her emotions. My parents, BIL, siblings, and I will be attending. We decided we won't condone her actions when she's not in the right state of mind, so we are hopeful that this therapy will teach us what to do.

As for announcing our pregnancy on social media, my wife has chosen to just mail out an announcement to those closest to us as well as an invitation to our future baby shower. After Anna comes home and things settle down, I'll be sure to update everyone once more. Thank you all again.