'My sister ruined my loving father's funeral. AITA for cutting her out of my life completely?'
"My sister ruined my loving father's funeral. AITA for cutting her out of my life completely?"
Hi Charlotte! My boyfriend and I are addicted to your videos! We adore listening to them together! We enjoy listening to your opinions and reactions. Story time, so my sister is kinda special... She is 14 years older than me, so I don't have many memories of her ever living with my parents and I.
We are both from the same parents, who were married for 57 years. The large age gap was due to my mother being sick for a long time between her two pregnancies.
A little background to understand my sister, let's call her Karen (56):
1- She left the family house on the day of her 18th birthday. Never mind that her birthday is a month before Christmas and my mom cried and begged her to stay at least until Christmas. No way, no how, she just left and didn't give any news for at least a year.
2- A few years later, she got married, had 2 boys and when the boys were 8 and 4, she decided that taking care of 2 kids, one severely handicap, was too much, so she packed her things and left, without telling anyone, and was MIA for 4 years. 4 complete years that she didn't give any news to us, her ex or even her kids. She didn't care at all.
3- She has NEVER ended a relationship herself, when she was younger, my dad used to be the one to do it for her. Once she was married, she did not asked my father for help, she just disappeared.
4- So, after 4 years, she crawled back to our lives again, for a couple of years, she's kinda "ok" or more "okisssh". When I got married, I was already backing out of the relationship because I don’t trust her, she was the only one giving me trouble.
First of all, when I announced to her that I was engaged, she was sure I would ask her to be my maid of honor. When she realised that I was not going to ask her, she cried to my parents and my dad made me have her as a bridesmaid.
I did it for my father, and only for my FATHER. Plus, during my wedding preparations, she was saying things like, “well it's only the bride's wedding dress shopping I don't have to be there”, or screaming at me for inviting her ex.
Well, my brother-in-law is still my brother-in-law 20 years after her separation and will always be. He was at my wedding, I put my foot down and told her that if she was that upset at seeing him, she could stay home!
Every time she would try and come back in our lives, I always knew that within 6 months, she would betray us again. And to this day, she has proven me right in this statement.
She is THE most horrible person I have ever met in my life; she is selfish to a degree that is not human anymore. She is childish, entitled, she has no respect for ANYONE, she is more manipulative than politicians can be. Hell, she could give them tips. There is sooooooo much more I could say, trust me there is ample more.
Plus, in her mind she is ALWAYS right and NEVER does anything wrong. HOW? Well, she will twist and manipulate everything to give herself validation, she will put herself in a positive light and believes that everything she does is right.
Example: I have asked her numerous times to respect me and my boundaries and to go through myself and not my ex to see my kids. Yet, after agreeing to oblige, she has been the one to throw birthday parties for MY kids WITHOUT ME BEING THERE OR ASKING ME, BUT MY EX AND HIS GF WERE THERE.
When I confronted her, she only replied “I did nothing wrong, I’m his aunt and godmother so I was in MY RIGHTS to”. No matter the proof that I asked her in text message, she will find a way to justify all of her actions.
So, to the story, my amazing daddy was diagnosed with an incurable cancer 2 years ago. During those 2 years, she would call, not visit, just call, my parents every 2 to 3 months.
She would not visit them and give the most pathetic excuses like "Sorry, can't come tonight, I have a nails appointment". For Christmas 2023, she only called my parents once to say Merry Christmas.
Me, I cooked a whole Christmas dinner by myself, transported everything to my parents’ house and made the whole dinner. The same thing for my birthday or any celebration, I did the whole work, arranged everything and made sure I was present for them.
On my side, I have ALWAYS had a great relationship with my parents and as soon as I knew that my dad was sick, I made myself more available than I already was, called and talked to both of them at least 30 minutes EVERY DAY!
When my dad was scheduled to meet his oncologist for the first time on December 21st, 2022, he asked her to drive both him and my mother for the appointment. However, on that morning there was a snowstorm, and she called them to tell them she would not take them.
I was already pulling my car in the parking lot at my job, 30 minutes away, and turned back, shoveled 3 feet of snow so they could get in my car and did the traveling so he could see his doctor. She would always evade helping!
Latter on, my dad had to plan his funeral, and he asked both of us to write and read a text at his funeral. BOTH of us agreed. He was always reminding her about it and asking her to choose a song she would like to dedicate to him at his funeral for after her reading. She even chose a song.
After his death, I got in contact with her asking her to confirm her song and asking her if she wanted to read first. She flat out responded with "I was not expecting to talk in front of everybody and told dad that". However, I spoke to my dad multiple times about this, and he always said that Karen would read at his funeral.
At least, by the end though, my dad finally saw and accepted how selfish and manipulative she was and told me and my mom to not let ourselves be manipulated by her lies and to make sure she would never get any money from him or my mother.
The week before the funeral, my mom was super nervous of what we would have to expect from Karen. Karen always has to do everything in her power to make herself the center of attention.
So, Karen thought it would be a great idea to invite my mom's bother and his whole family, even if my mom didn't have any contact with him for more then 10 YEARS and did not want to see him at all.
She invited MY ex WITH HIS NEW GF who is just horrible to me and my kids. She invited her own mother-in-law that me and my mom cannot stand and who is always rude to us.
When I saw my uncle, I stopped him. He said, "What's the problem" "Well the problem is that my mom has already enough emotions to go through today and she did not want to see you" Yes, I know, my filter got broke that day!!
My role was to make sure my mom got all the support she needed, and I did not care if people judged me for protecting my mother in ANY WAY! My uncle replied, "I was invited by Karen, and she told me your mom knew!" NO, SHE DID NOT! My poor mom was so embarrassed and had to compose herself to be civil to those people.
When it was time for the readings, I started my text by saying that I was talking in my own and my mom's name because my mother was in no condition to talk in front of everyone.
At this exact moment, Karen created such a scene, she started to cry, scream, faked she could not breathe and made sure her husband (a whole other villain for another story), her mother-in-law and her best friend would not listen to me and made sure to grab some people's attention and made sure that people would ask question as to why she did this freak out.
Her reason for making such a scene? I did not mention her in my speech. I wrote my speech alone and got my mother’s approval. Plus, my mom was the one to ask me to tell people that she could not speak, Karen did not ask for anything, so I did not mention her.
So, she invited people my mom did not want to see or speak to, she invited people that she clearly new I could not stand to be in the same room as and, she made a scene when I was trying to pay a tribute to my deceased father.
Since then, she tried to lie and say that it was only a "miscommunication" or that "she did not invite anyone, they just showed up"... Yeah right, they told us you invited them, Karen!
She ruined the day for both my mother and I. We did not even get a chance to express our pain and sorrow in peace. We could not grieve in peace and had to address stressful situations that were not necessary and were completely created by her.
Trust me, she is no longer a part of my life or my mother's. Unfortunately, she found a way to see MY KIDS, by BEFRIENDING my EX and his crazy GIRLFRIEND and invite them all to her house.
I have not spoken to her since the funeral, and will not for the rest of my life, unless forced to do so. My mom feels the same way and honestly, I feel relieved that Karen will never again be a part of my life, and I WILL protect my mom from her. Thank you for reading me, it gives me great satisfaction to be able to tell my story.
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
I'm so sorry for you!!! But believe me, karma is a real thing and will come for her, you can be sure of it!!! Plus, obviously she’s a very unhappy person to be so nasty and trying to ruin things for your family… going no contact forever is the best thing you can do.
GapMore8847 (OP)
She is soooo evil.... She tried to acheive reconciliation with me while my father was dying right next to us. She rolled her crocodile tears and said "can we just forget and start over?". I staid stoic and responded "No, this is neither the place or time to discuss such a thing". Even her own son (28M) was pissed at her actions at the funeral.
NTA You gave her plenty of chances over the years to reflect on her behavior. My guess is she was hoping for money after your father's passing and is now upset that she didn't.
I really wish there was a way to keep her completely away from your kids. That irks me and I have so skin in the game. I know it must make you insane.
GapMore8847 (OP)
I've been looking and thinking of a way to do that ever since my father died. however, I have not yet found a way. She is very involved in my ex's life, so I can't do nothing about it. I just want to live the rest of my life being completely free of her and her toxicity.
I never want to hear about her or her to hear about me. unfortunately, as long as my kids will see her, she will get to know what's going on in my life. I even had to ask for a restraining order against my ex because of her.
The story, 6 years ago, after I asked my ex for a divorce, he was already speeking to her behind my back. My grand-mother was admitted in the hospital and, of course, I told my kids.
My kids told my ex and then, Karen called my dad, and she already knew that she was in the hospital and why. We felt violated that someone told her and I realise, it was my ex. The next week, as I was waiting for my kids at the school, my ex unexpectedly showed up.
I asked him to "respect our privacy" and "not tell information about my personnal life or any one in my family's life to my sister" he replied with a sarcastic smile on his face that "she is family". I repeated myself a couple of times that "Please respect my privacy and stop telling my sister information" after about 3 or 4 times of me repeating myself, he lounged at me, wanting to strangle me.
The whole thing was seen by other parents, by the responsibles at school and was filmed by the school cameras. I was so scared, his eyes were completely black as he lounged at me.
I called the police when I got back home, away from my kids and asked for a restraining order. I got it, but only for a year. She also broke my friendship with my childhood best friend by lying to both of us. There is just no end with her. She is a NARC.