Brother calls sister selfish, using inheritance on wedding instead of their mom's medical bills. AITA?
"AITA for telling my sister she is selfish for wanting to use our inheritance on a wedding instead of our moms bills?"
LTreaper01
My (28M) sister, Lisa (26F), and I recently lost our dad. It’s been tough, especially since our mom has been battling a serious illness for the past few years. We both received a decent inheritance from Dad, but the money is just enough to cover our mom's mounting medical bills and ensure she gets the care she needs.
Here's where things get complicated: Lisa has been planning her dream wedding for years. Like, she's had Pinterest boards dedicated to it since high school. When we found out about the inheritance, she immediately started talking about how this was a "sign from Dad" and that she could finally have the fairy tale wedding she’s always dreamed of.
I was stunned. I tried to talk to her about using the money for Mom’s treatment, but she brushed it off, saying that Dad would have wanted her to be happy and that Mom would understand.
I told her that Mom's health should be the priority, not a one-day event. Lisa accused me of being jealous and unsupportive. She even said I was trying to "control" her life and her choices.
Things escalated quickly. I called her selfish and told her that if she went ahead with this, she'd be putting her wedding over Mom's life. She started crying and said I was ruining her happiness and making her feel guilty for wanting one day of joy after all the grief we’ve been through.
Our relatives are split. Some think Lisa deserves her dream wedding and that we could find other ways to help Mom. Others agree with me and think Lisa is being unreasonable. Mom, bless her heart, said she didn't want to be a burden and that she would support whatever decision we made.
Now, I’m stuck. I don’t want to ruin my relationship with Lisa, but I also can’t stand the thought of our mom not getting the care she needs because of a wedding. AITAH for telling my sister she’s selfish and trying to convince her to use the inheritance for Mom's medical bills instead.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
Healthy-Magician-502
Why didn’t your dad leave your mom any money?
I-need-assitance
Good question. And I may add to the OP, we can’t answer your question until you answer this question.
shoshpd
INFO: Were your parents married when your father died? If yes, are you aware of why your father chose not to provide for his wife’s medical needs through his estate?
BlueGreen_1956
YTA. What anyone does with an inheritance is their business. What your sister does with her is none of your damn business. Leave her alone.
Classytuxteeshirt
This is sometimes done specifically, so medical bills don't eat up an entire estate. If at all stays with the surviving partner and they end up having serious medical issues that eats up the entire estate, they have to be flat broke and turn over their house before Medicaid will cover.
ResourceWonderful514
NTA but this feel like a fake post. Why would dad not take care of it and your old posts look to be made by a teen? You even mention, you’re 14 in one of your comments😜
bluebeardswife
Ummm I’m pretty sure I’ve seen this story posted before. Also YTA for being a liar. According to your history you’re a teenager. What’s the truth?
Difficult_Process_88
As ridiculous as I find the whole “fairy tale wedding” thing (I just don’t get spending 10’s and 100’s of thousands of dollars on ONE day 🤷♀️), it’s what Lisa wants to spend HER inheritance on. If she has enough $$$ from the inheritance to do that, don’t stop her because it’s HER inheritance and it’s not your place to tell her how to spend it.
Amazing_Reality2980
I think you're allowed to have your opinion and you're not wrong to feel how you do. However, ultimately Lisa gets to do what she wants with her share, and if she chooses a wedding, that's her choice. What you didn't give any indication of was how Lisa's relationship has been in the past with your mom.
If it's always been contentious and problematic, then maybe she's not an Ahole for not prioritizing you mom. I'm not saying your mom is, but do you really think if a mother were abusive and used to beat her kids growing up that the kid should feel obligated to pay her bills? no, of course not.
Now that's an extreme example and again, not hinting that that was your mom at all. Just making a point, which is that we don't know how the relationship is between the two of them so it's difficult to say if Lisa's an ass or not. Bottom line though is it's her choice to do what she wants with her share. You take yours and help your mom out.