'AITA for telling my family what my sister was lying about after my gender reveal?'

"AITA for telling my family what my sister was lying about after my gender reveal?"

Over the weekend, I (24 F) had a gender reveal party with my husband to find out the gender of our first child. My grandparents offered to host it at their house (as long as we decorated, brought the food and helped clean up) and we thought everything went very smoothly. We had over 50-70 people that were close friends and family members. Both my husband and I are very excited to meet our little girl on the way.

For some background, my older sister (28 F) and I don’t have a good relationship. Due to health issues, she became very cruel during our childhood into adulthood, both emotionally and physically.

Her biggest triggers were when we had accomplished something prior to her (such as driver’s license, prom, marriage, or any big life event). Due to her health issues, she’s unable to have bio-children but has a step daughter (13 F).

We have been low-contact for years and she received the invite from the family group chat. Both my husband and I were shocked when we heard she was coming from my grandma. During the party, she looked miserable and made multiple of my guests uncomfortable. She sat in the corner, only talking to her husband and my youngest brother (15 M), gave the stink eyes to multiple people.

The next day, we got a text message from one of my younger brothers (22 M) letting me know that my sister was claiming that someone was smoking cigarettes in the bathroom and pot outside. I ended up calling my mom to figure out what was going on - as both my husband and I were in/out of the bathroom multiple times and noticed nothing.

Also the outside door was open the whole time, we smelled nothing. My mom said that my sister came up to her during the party and told her about the cigarettes. My mom went to the bathroom, told my sister smelled nothing and thought that would be the end.

Only to find out that my sister messaged my youngest brother (15M) the next morning, telling him that it was illegal substances they were smoking and people were smoking outside.

At this point, I was horrified. This isn’t new behavior from my sister, but this hit a different kind of low. I asked my mom if she had told my grandparents what my sister was claiming. She said no, she thought the whole thing was ridiculous. Knowing my sister, I knew she told the youngest brother in hopes that he would go and tell them.

For me, the fact that she was lying was so disrespectful and that she was trying to ruin a joyful event for us. I told my mom that if she wasn’t willing to tell my grandparents, that I would. This was a serious accusation and needed to be treated like that.

When I talked to my grandparents, they were shocked and thought the whole thing was funny. We asked them if they had noticed anything out of the normal. Both agreed that it didn’t happen and there was no evidence. My grandma even laughed, saying that she would know if someone was smoking illegal substances in her house.

The whole situation is beyond ridiculous, and I can’t help but feel furious. Not only was she making my guest feel uncomfortable, but she also lied and created drama with my siblings and mom. It’s taking all my self-control not message her and tell her to never come near me or my family again.

I can’t help but feel that I might have crossed a line by telling my grandparents what was said. AITA for telling my family what my sister was lying about after my gender reveal?

This is what people had to say to OP:

Existing_Arm_2340 said:

NTA - don't give her another ounce of your energy

Stoic_STFU said:

She’s attention seeking. She’s a lying sh!t stirrer. She’s not very bright - so her sh!t stirring makes her look crazy and stupid. She’s trying to steal your joy - don’t let her. Ignore her lying. Post baby updates - everywhere - tag her every single time. NTA

OkSignature3562 said:

NTA, why can’t you hold her accountable? Or better yet just text her that her attempt to ruin your baby shower was the last straw and that of she will attempt to ruin an event celebrating your kid you don’t want her in that kids life until she gets the help she needs. You also need to call her out for her mistreatment and say you won’t allow her to hurt your child like she hurt you.

Accountability may feel like an attack if you’re not ready to acknowledge how your poor decisions impact others.

And Asleep_Objective5941 said:

You've been dealing with her stuff for a long time. Now create some boundaries for your sanity. As for everyone else, don't worry about them, they don't believe her at all, that's why your grandma laughed. She's not changing any time soon so all you can do is find a way to not let her and her antics upset you anymore.

OP wrote in response to the comments:

I'm going zero-contact with her. There's no reason to go out of my way and explain that to her. I'm also going to create boundaries with my mom. We don't feel comfortable with our child being near my sister, and my mom/grandma has the habit of enabling my sister's behavior.

They've told us in the past, "that's just how she is" with similar situations or when she's being cruel. If they can't listen to our boundaries, they can't be near our daughter.