'My sister wore white to my wedding and tried to replace my maid of honor.'

"My sister wore white to my wedding and tried to replace my maid of honor."

I got married a week ago to the absolute love of my life. However, there was a LOT of drama. A little context:

I (28f) am the middle child. My older sister who we will call “Melissa” (32f) and my younger brother who we will call William (24m). Anyways, Melissa has always had a habit of making things about her. Not in an outright evil or malicious way, but in a “the world is a stage and I’m the lead actress” way.

I’ve learned to work around her whims, what battles to pick and when to just ignore her. I got to the point where she no longer affected me.

At least I thought I had.

My (now!!) husband “Leo” (29m) proposed to me after four years of dating. I was overjoyed and immediately told my family. So of course, sister found out. At the announcement she was happy and everything with everyone else, or so it seemed. Everything went smoothly until I was wedding dress shopping. Melissa, mom, and my maid of honor “Lily” (27f) went with me.

The bridesmaid dresses I picked were rather simple and just a dusty blue color. Everyone liked their dress (I sent pictures to the other bridesmaids)- except Melissa. She compiled a few times, but I decided to ignore it because she’s always been a complainer. Leading up to the wedding Melissa complained about EVERYTHING from flowers to the color of my husbands bow tie.

It was so annoying but again I ignored it because she’s always been a complainer. And when that was all that happened, I figured the wedding would go smooth. Spoiler alert; it didn’t.

My wedding morning comes and we’re all getting ready and having a swell time. Melissa shows up late, but that’s not unusual and I had planned for this. What was weird was she was carrying a garment bag that WAS NOT the one her bridesmaid dress was in. When I asked about it, she said she had lost some weight and needed to get some things changed. I figured she’d tailored it right?

Nope. She unzips the bag and pulls out a white, floor length gown. Not necessarily bridal-level fancy, but definitely white, long and NOT appropriate. I told her that she couldn’t wear it, and genuinely looked surprised and goes “It’s more flattering. The old one made me look washed out.” I told her again, FIRMLY, that she needed to put the actual dress on.

She got defensive, said I was “being controlling”, and locked herself into a bathroom. When she came out after a while, she was wearing the right dress but was irritated. I figured that was the end of it, and pat myself on the back for having boundaries.

Now for the actual ceremony. Lily (MOH) has been my bestie for 20 years. Melissa was always slightly jealous but nothing to overboard. As we all lined up and things we were beginning, I see Melissa suddenly in front of Lily talking harshly and in a low tone to Lily. So of course I walked over and asked what was happening.

Melissa says “Lily said she isn’t feeling well, so I told her I’d just step in for her”. Lily IMMEDIATELY said she had never said that and that she was not moving. She was the MOH. Melissa started getting worked up and said “Stop being dramatic, you’re going to make the photos look weird if you’re pale and sweaty.”

Immediately triggered. Lily, for one, is JAW DROPPING gorgeous. Especially in the shade of blue I chose (which was on purpose teehee). Finally my husband came over and said that Melissa had to get to her correct spot because the wedding would commence soon (we had a slightly odd wedding due to my husbands culture).

Melissa stomped her foot and angrily took her place……for about 10 seconds. Then she full on GRABS Lily and tries to take the bouquet from her- my husband literally had to put himself between Melissa and Lily.

My father even got involved. He told Melissa she needed to behave or get out. She started screaming and crying saying something along the lines of “I don't understand why I’m being treated like this one such an important day!”

My dad pointed out it was MY day not hers, and she spiraled even more. Eventually my mom basically dragged her to a chair and forced her to sit down. So she was there for the ceremony but left before the reception.

That night she posted a vague Facebook status about being “punished for having feelings” and “stuck in a cruel family” and “excluded from her own sisters wedding." A couple of her friends were even in the comments telling her she deserved better and they’d always known I was evil. Melissa still hasn’t talked to me.

My mom has tried to be neutral saying Melissa didn’t “mean any harm” and my dad literally won’t talk about it at all. Not sure what I’m looking for. Validation that I’m not crazy? I’ve been thinking of going no contact but don’t want to make a rash choice.

This is what people had to say to OP:

Beautiful-Ad-7616 said:

Melissa 100% meant harm, this all comes down to your parents enabling her behavior for i'm sure years. Their reaction speaks volumes, she literally embarrassed your entire family and she's still acting like the victim and instead of your Mom telling her all the harm she has causes she's silently supporting her actions.

Honestly I think you are underreacting to the entire situation, your sister had a multiple step plan on how to ruin your wedding and force the attention on herself. So much so that she literally started a PHYSICAL fight with your MOH. She shouldn't have been allowed to stay for the ceremony and should have been booted from your venue.

I'd be NC with your sister and honestly your parents. They bare minimum had your back as your sister set out to ruin your wedding. Especially your Mom, you were the victim here and she has ZERO right to make you feel guilty about your sister. Congratulations as well! Start your marriage off with a nice fresh start and drop some dead weight.

xMamaWhox said:

First off CONGRATULATIONS! To this post, all I can think is WOW! - it seems your sister is a selfish narcissist who NEEDS everything to be about her and if it's not then it's everyone else's problem and needs everyone to be on her side, and when they are not then it's full on toddler meltdown.

I'm sorry that you had to put up with this on such an important day for you and your now husband. I am glad that your parents were supportive and attempted to put her in her place in how she was acting.

As for how you should move forward I would start possibly with LC if you're up for it to see how things play out going forward, and if it does not ease up, or if she continues to push too far I would go straight NC. You do not deserve to have that toxicity, even if it is family. Best of luck!

arsooetica028 said:

Didn't mean any harm? Is your Mom living in a bubble? Your sister nearly ruined your wedding!!

jockstrappy said:

Nta. Your parents are enablers, and sounds like they will continue to be enablers