'AITA for telling my sister to 'SHUT UP' after she’s been crying for weeks since her BF broke up with her because of her cheating?' UPDATED
"AITA for telling my sister to 'SHUT UP' after she’s been crying for weeks since her BF broke up with her because of her cheating?"
My sister (22F) got dumped by her boyfriend of 2 years about two weeks ago. Normally I’d feel bad because she’s my sister, but this time I really don’t. She wasn’t a good girlfriend to him at all. He worked, cooked, and kept their place together while she spent most of her time out with her “friends.”
When she was home, she’d pick up a broom for like two minutes and act like she’d been cleaning all day. And she was also cheating. With his childhood best friend, who’s a girl.
She would lie and say she was with friends, but she was actually sneaking around. Her boyfriend only found out because the girl posted a picture of an inappropriate photo of them together that was meant to go in her drafts. My sister came home to find her bags packed by the door. She begged him to forgive her, but of course he didn’t.
After that, she came to my apartment and has been staying here, basically crying non-stop. I’d hear her sobbing in the middle of the night, sometimes at 2 or 3 AM. What made it worse is that she doesn’t take any responsibility for what happened. Instead, she keeps saying stuff like it was her “bi awakening” and that her boyfriend should’ve been supportive of her.
Then one morning, she sat next to me while I was drinking tea and started crying again about how unfair life is. I just lost it. I yelled at her to SHUT THE F UP and told her she brought this on herself, that she clearly didn’t love him if she cheated, and that I don’t understand why she’s even trying to win him back.
She stormed off, called me an AH, and hasn’t talked to me in a week. Honestly, I don’t really mind the silence, but now I’m wondering, AITA for snapping at her and not being there to comfort her?
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
When she started talking about stuff being "not fair", she's got a bill she wants you to pay, or buy or something. You need to set a hard date of when she is out or say hello to your new roommate!
After taking some time to read the comments, I am thinking about it, I know she’s going to go to our moms place, it wasn’t her first option because my mom just bought a smaller house for her, my dad and my younger sibling, and that means my sister won’t have the best living situation.
But am honestly done with her living off my hard work so I’ll give her a week notice to get her act together, get a job, buy her own food, and agree to split rent or she’s getting kicked out.
Make sure she's legally allowed to be at your place if you rent for that long. Be very careful this doesn't turn into an eviction where you end up needing to legally kick her out. She sounds toxic. NTA.
The next day, the OP returned with an update.
So I took everyone’s advice and went to talk to my sister in her room. It was really messy in there and as soon as I walked in she gave me this glare. I told her I needed to talk and laid it out straight: she needs to get a job, split rent, buy her own food, and actually respect me if she wants to keep staying here. Otherwise, she’s out.
She definitely did not expect me to say that. She started going on about how I “can’t do this to her,” that she’s still trying to heal from her breakup, that she can’t live with mom and dad, and that there’s no way she’s paying to stay at my place.
I told her fine, then consider herself evicted, and that she needed to have her stuff packed and be gone first thing in the morning. She kept yelling, but I just ignored her and went back to my room.
I don’t know if she’s packing right now, but I already called my parents and told them to expect her tomorrow. My mom actually understood where I was coming from and said my dad will be here in the morning to help.
UPDATE 2:
Good news: She’s gone. Of course, she didn’t leave without causing destruction first.
I woke up this morning and saw all her clothes thrown on the floor in her room instead of in her suitcase. She told me there was “no way” she was leaving and that I “can’t do this to her.” But halfway through her little speech, my dad showed up.
The second he walked in and saw the mess and her bratty attitude, my sister basically knew she was done. She couldn’t fight it, for context, the only person who can actually scare my sister is my dad.
She finally started packing and getting out, but not before muttering “f you” under her breath at me. When she finished and was about to leave, my dad was already outside by the car.
That’s when she turned to me and said, “never talk to me again,” and then she grabbed my late grandmother’s special vase and smashed it on the floor. That vase meant a lot to me. I do have a few of my grandmother’s things left, but that one was especially important.
I told her to get the f out, that she isn’t welcome here anymore, and that I expect her to pay for the vase. She just stormed off, and now I’m back here cleaning the mess she left behind.
I don’t know if I’ll be updating this again, but if I do it’ll probably be after I hear from my mom about how things are going over there. Once my sister calms down, I might even show her this post so she can finally take some accountability for everything she’s done.
Also, a lot of people asked what happened with the other girl, I actually saw her at a café a few days ago with someone else. They looked pretty romantic, so I guess things didn’t work out between her and my sister. Honestly? Serves her right.
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
Yeah, she's giving herself an excuse to just wallow. You're probably helping her by expecting her to be an adult. Hope your parents do the same, for her own good.
Why is she so upset? She was cheating on the guy, it’s not like she liked him that much.
He was the guy who paid the rent, cooked and clean and was there for her. He was her bang-boi. She might not like him, but she liked what he provided.
Good job! Dealing with manipulative users can be really hard.
Your sister is upset that there are consequences to her actions. She doesn't feel remorse for cheating, she's upset that she got dumped because she felt her ex should just tolerate it, and she's upset that being dumped means she's now homeless. She's upset you haven't been coddling her because it is again more consequences. She's upset she has to leave because it's more consequences.
She doesn't feel bad, she's just upset that her actions are having negative consequences for her; if her ex had stayed with her, or if she could go be with the best friend who I suspect has also ditched her, she'd be happy as a clam. She's boohooing because she wants to play victim, and she isn't.